Help:( Struggling with NC after he confessed his intim fears

I am sorry, thanks to all of you

no it doesnt, I tried to look for it elsewhere but I cant find it.
Thanks anyway dear, I think writing so much about my story made me feel very sad now as I think "wtf its too much I am done", but I have to soothe myself as much as I can and see the improvements, good things/connections/moments, things I am grateful for and so on. Trying so hard! thanks to all!

Why let someone control everything this way? I've been in a situation where I was taken off a shelf and put back on by a man so self absorbed with his appetites and his neurosis, it was allllll about him and I can scarcely believe I tolerated it even for a minute. You aren't an appliance for him to utilize for his good feelings and then put you away when he has had his little fix. And the same tbe other way around. This is as toxic and unhealthy as it feels and will go on ad infinitum if you let it.

All insecures interact as immature, selfish people until they work to repair the issues caused by insecure attachment. It's a dysfunctional coping strategy based in selfish pursuit of one's own agenda, whether anxious, avoidant, or mixed. That doesn't mean it's all intentional or motivated by cruelty. Its just not mature and considerate of others. It's me, me, me, me. And you get to fit in however works for HIM. So lame. Don't keep falling for it. If you do, don't expect some kind of breakthrough. It's not something that changes with simple awareness, it takes a lot of conscious, intentional willingness to confront one's own dark side and the pain that these behaviors seek to bury and avoid. As long as you allow this, you enable his toxic relationship pattern, and yours. You won't coax him out of it. You're along for the ride and he's driving, and so far it works for him a lot better than it does you. He gets what he wants... which is to take you off a shelf, get sex and affection and a chance to gain sympathy, then he puts you back until he's ready for his own needs to be met again. Lame.

Great sources. Will always advocate for men and woman knowing more about the inner mechanisms of a woman's cycle. Important information for any man, especially one in an intimate relationship with a woman. 

Idk if someone is still interested in supporting me here, so sorry if I am redundant! The day has arrived: I am going back to his country, where I live, as my vacations abroad got to an end.

News are the following:

Every time we reach out to the other, we say we think about each other, but it has not been frequent. On his bday I called him and He said we would meet at my return. Again no contact, after a few days I had a surgery and he reached out to know how I was.

Again I said I missed him and he said he thought about me. I later insisted a bit too much maybe, telling him I wanted to hug him, and asking how he felt, and he talked about his life and that he wants to live it more superficially. I heard this from my late ex (who died) so I got triggered and pretty susceptible and I asked if I was a heavy part of his life. He stopped answering and I got mad which I usually don't but I was too nervous.

He said he had no intention not to answer, that there is no reasons for me to think he would not answer, and that he never thought of me as something heavy in his life and why would I think that.

I told him it was because of his answers etc, and he told me that he cares but I had made him notice that he was no consistent with his request of distance and that I was right. I told him ok I will leave you at peace. This was two nights ago.

I preview it's finished and he never asked about my return or offered to pick me up, I don't know if he remembers the date of my return. I start being anxious and sad again, cause I see myself in that town, knowing he is so close and I can't see him for no real reason, as the only reasons why he asks for distance are based on fear, after he was traumatized by a previous break up.
It is a lot to digest for me

Struggling with no contact, I wish I could tell him that I am returning but I want to respect his distance more and I think that reaching out could worsen things.

"I thought about you."


I think a million things a day and don't do shit about most of them, but a relationship? That takes more than a passing thought. Think of yourself?

Edit: For what it's worth, your thinking and behavior here is hard core insecure anxious, and chasing an unavailable guy is a symptom, it's not the problem. Its a symptom of your own dysfunctional approach to relationship. This is not about his fear... its about you doing what an anxious person does. We have all been in insecure messes here, so there isn't judgement. But this is your hangup, not just his.

Introvert has helped me immensely following my break-up. In the heat of the moment, the weeks when the would was still fresh, it was difficult for me to assimilate what she had to tell me into my conscious and my everyday decisions. As time passes and the breakup/relationship fades into a distant memory, I am clearer headed and am able to see her advice for what it is: truth! She has been there/done that. Alexandra is also this person for me, and for what it is worth, every nugget of helpfulness that they have sent to me on this forum has proven invaluable. I hope you take their words to heart! They are wise and filled with experience directly relating to what you're experiencing now.

If you are anything like me, the idea that someone else might have an understanding of what you're going through might seem absurd. But as I said, as time went on, I recognized that these two do truly understand the topic at hand. There is nothing more for me to add than their contributions, but I did want to highlight how their advice, which is similar to the words of wisdom you've received here from them, has aided me as I have applied it. You got this!