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Post by kaleidorain on Sept 23, 2023 4:10:23 GMT
Introvert has helped me immensely following my break-up. In the heat of the moment, the weeks when the would was still fresh, it was difficult for me to assimilate what she had to tell me into my conscious and my everyday decisions. As time passes and the breakup/relationship fades into a distant memory, I am clearer headed and am able to see her advice for what it is: truth! She has been there/done that. Alexandra is also this person for me, and for what it is worth, every nugget of helpfulness that they have sent to me on this forum has proven invaluable. I hope you take their words to heart! They are wise and filled with experience directly relating to what you're experiencing now. If you are anything like me, the idea that someone else might have an understanding of what you're going through might seem absurd. But as I said, as time went on, I recognized that these two do truly understand the topic at hand. There is nothing more for me to add than their contributions, but I did want to highlight how their advice, which is similar to the words of wisdom you've received here from them, has aided me as I have applied it. You got this! Thank you so much I indeed value a lot the contribution of everyone here, otherwise I would not be writing on this forum  I also know I am stubborn, I suffer less than two weeks ago, and I started accepting the end, nevertheless, I am returning to his country, where I live, and it is normal that I am having a meltdown I guess ....cause I don't know what will happen later on, and I know that my life there can be also difficult sometimes in terms of loneliness and mental stimulation which I really enjoyed with him (and I have many smart friends there but still I feel that it is more difficult than other places where I lived before, and he his one of the few with whom I feel mentally stimulated to start with). I am doing my best. I am not chasing him everyday, I reached out three times in two weeks and remember he did too and to see me; I am not stalking him at all (I have no social media and I am not interested in stalking anyone at all, I don't care); I am kinda accepting the end althought it is hard hard hard; I am trying to concentrate on my wellbeing (health issues and skin conditions especially) to calibrate and focus my energy on me and not on him;so yes I have AP traits of course but not all of them, and some days or hours are heavier than others  . |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2023 13:06:51 GMT
Really, hold back from normal communication with the guy who enjoys your sex, for fear of making things worse? I think I have not understood this. Maybe cause I am not s native English speaker. About 'enjoyin my sex' I am pretty sure as I said before it is not at all his first interest and it's more one of my concerns than his, not having sex for a while. Thanks for your inputs as always, and sorry if I misunderstood your sentence. I'm simply referring to the low bar you have around your sexuality, meaning you've given this man the privilege of enjoying sex with you even though he does so and then treats you with a high level of disregard. You seem to be really compromising yourself to engage in sex with someone you are afraid of upsetting with a mere mention of your arrival in the country, or any contact at all. He has now said he wants to live his life more superficially... does that not seem as though he's saying he'd like to be casual and superficial with you, when combined with his behavior? Along with fear, humans experience all kinds of negative mind states to include selfishness, laziness, dishonesty (by omission, meaning not being honest and clear about intentions and allowing a situation to play out in their favor instead of considering the impact on another and sacrificing their selfish agenda), emotional manipulation, immaturity, etc etc. If you bundle all that up into something you can sympathize with and call it his "fears", then you can stay with the narrative that he's some hapless victim of his pain, and you are the ever-loving woman he needs to heal it. If you stop excusing this all with the word "fears", you might have to admit that he's selfishly using you to meet some sort of need for validation and attention when he wants those things. But, we are going around and around about this, and really it's down to you to figure out what you're doing with him. It would be kind of overreaching for me to continue to rehash it, because I don't really have an agenda and it's your situation, not mine. I hope you can learn to take good care of your heart and mind and stop throwing yourself off an emotional cliff with this guy. It is a very sad situation for you and you both are abandoning you. You deserve reliable and consistent emotional support and presence from the man in your life, but it won't happen for you until you recognize that and stop making excuses for anything less. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2023 13:35:07 GMT
I'll add the caveat that all the toxic elements of his relating and yours stem from ignorance and a lack of awareness, but that doesn't matter. The end result is the same as if it were all intentional. It's as bad as it feels either way.
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Post by mrob on Sept 23, 2023 21:42:20 GMT
I would also say that in this case “stubbornness” is your attachment trying to hold on. I’ve had to bang my head against that brick wall as well.
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Post by kaleidorain on Sept 24, 2023 9:21:53 GMT
Thanks again everyone. I will try to read again all your messages and find solace. It's difficult now but I will try.
Thanks again to all for your support
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