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Post by tnr9 on Dec 24, 2023 14:06:33 GMT
I am currently visiting my brother and sister in law with my mom and stepdad. This is another opportunity for the insecurities of all to be displayed. I do feel I am handling things a lot better….although my mom is always a bit tough simply because she and I are very different (not only in attachment, but in myers briggs…she is an ISTJ and I am an ENF with J/P). My mom has very strong boundaries which I will inevitably cross (not on purpose mind you, but with so many boundaries it is sometimes hard to remember them all). This year however, I have done a better job of apologizing once and then moving forward….not feeling guilty or taking responsibility for her. This is not personal but simply my mom defining herself. And in all fairness…what made my insecurity feel better…over apologizing…used to drive my mom nuts….so we have reached a happy medium. She and I are currently sitting in silence and engaged on our iPads.
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Post by anne12 on Dec 24, 2023 14:18:17 GMT
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Post by cherrycola on Dec 24, 2023 21:22:57 GMT
Good job on not over apologizing. That can be a hard one to stop and can bring up some unexpected feelings.
The holidays really does apply the pressure when it comes to attachment. This is the first year I'll be spending Christmas at my sisters since our mom died. With the help of COVID, I have avoided her the last three years. It took me a while to figure out my mom was our buffer and that I don't have the emotional energy to spend extended time with my sister without one. Luckily a friend said she would come with me and be the buffer.
While I'm sad that I don't have the close relationship with my sister that we would both like, I'm learning to be okay with that. I can see how her own wounding really pushes people away and there is nothing I can do about that nor is it helpful to try to beat a dead horse.
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Post by anne12 on Dec 25, 2023 7:53:33 GMT
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