A Secure's Understanding of Avoidant Breakups.

Agreed

When I read this post, in this forum, I knew this was the responses that would follow. Avoidants tend to be emotionally immature and respond as such. It can really be like talking to a teenager. However, I do understand that they want their own forum, where they are in control.

I know full well what this board is for, I was one who helped get it created in the first place. Remember Tgat, when I supported you with Maryb, at that time I "got it" now I'm to be shunned for making an observation based on what I've read from avoidant posts? I thought we were cool. Part of support is being sure that one understads, I'm trying to understand. That's how communication works, you repeat back what you think you've heard and the other person tells you if you are right or wrong. Hostility doesn't foster support nor does it help you or other seeking support to receive the feedback they could use to grow. If you don't want to reply then that's fine with me. Remember though, your "space" is on a public forum. I stand by my post. If you are DA or FA serious about healing you might do well to consider what others see when they listen to you as seems to be the expressed desire. I fully have supported Avoidant here. I'll respect your wish for me to remove it, it is your space, but being so rude to people who do support you, why? Oops, that's a question!

It's OK, I'm done anyway.

No, yours was the first reply, for you to suggest that my asking for clarity is not worthy of a response from any avoidant was disrespectful. I was there, a part of the conversation, defending an avoidantly attached person, and reported the negative posts full of hateful speech and profanity that lead to Jeb creating ythis special space. I have been nothing but supportive. So you, are way off base in my opinion.

Do you know why this space was created for avoidants? Because avoidants were very concerned that they get grouped into one big lump and labled with no distinction as individuals,by saying that no one should comment or reply is speaking for ALL avoidant as if they are not individuals who can speak for themselves and THIS disrespects the very avoiants you are trying so hard to defend and the very purpose for which this space was originally created.

I sincerely apologize for any offence I've caused to any actual avoidantly attached on this board who read my original post before I took it down. But I do not and will not accept disrespect as a way to garner respect.
You are right this is an supposed to be a place for avoidantly attached people,and it is fine, they can have it, there seems to be many more anxiouus on it anyway. But I've learned a lot from this post. So thank you!

Yes, too much drama. No you are right. I should have posted it in the other DA forum. But a simple, Please move this question to the other board would have sufficed. It's gone now. Honestly, I have no more questions for DAs. I do wish you all well in your efforts toward secure.

No no and no. You are secure? I never said your post was not worthy. I said I hope no one responds since this is not the place for it. Nothing to do with it being worthy. Also saying I hope no one responds is not speaking for anyone but myself. I never spoke for anyone else nor did I tell anyone not to respond.

Haha, yeah you can be secure and still be offended by negative implications. Look, it's as much your right to post what you want too, but you want to bring up boundaries and respect, then start at home.

I posted my comments and you didn't even give an actual avoidantly attached person the chance to speak up for themselves on their OWN forum before you expressed your disapproval of where I posted my summary. The only question I asked was, is this correct?

Do you really think that is being supportive to those avoidantly attached individuals? They don't need you to run interference for them. These are grown people here. From what I've learned from many of such individuals here, this is the very sort of thing that makes many of them feel smothered.

My original post was based on information gathered from the posts and expressions of actual avoidantly attached persons on this forum. I usually do not post to this board at all because I do respect the space, especially knowing first hand it's origins. However, It IS being supportive to ask someone who is an authority on the subject for clarity about something that was expressed by someone with that attachment style. As I understand it, many of these individuals feel very miss understood. Clarity, is a healthy part of communication.

I understand that you think you are being supportive by speaking up for the avoidantly attached, but this forum, as you stated, is a place for their voices to be heard.
So I propose that you support them in your way and I'll support them in mine and we'll let them decide if they want to interact with us or not. If one of them is displeased with my posts in their forum, then, with all due respect, it's their voices I want to hear.

Think about it, do you think it makes them feel more secure to know that a bunch of anxious people are holding a glass up to the door as it were listening into their conversations? Waiting for the opportunity to jump in and say HEY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! LOOK AT ME AVOIDANTS I'M SUPPORTING YOU! NOW MAYBE MY AVOIDANT WILL THINK I'M COOL TOO!

You think they don't know that this exactly what is happening to their space? At least I had the courtesy to add the disclaimer "If you'd like me to move it tell me and I will"

Let this be known, I'm not on this forum to tip toe around yours or anyone elses attachment style. I'm here because I wanted to as fully as possible understand an avoidantly attached person who I love very much and look at things from both sides of the coin so I could understand myself better.

Now. If that bothers you, that's is really OK with me, But, honestly I hope you don't respond to any more of my posts.