Avoidants and Stashing?

HI stavs,

Interesting. Never heard of the term, but definitely experienced stashing the first 6 months of my relationship. My FA ex did introduce me to all of his friends and even encouraged me to become friends with them on my own- however even after 2 years of being a couple, I never met his family. We also never became FB friends, and when I look at his page, its pretty private anyway no former gf pics or anything. I wonder if his wanting us to be friends post break-up is another form of stashing, as he wants to starting dating again, yet keep me in his life.

My current GF wanted to meet my friends from day one, and I happily complied. I am always interested in introducing her to people I know. I also introduced her to my mom at Christmas time which was a huge step and a way of me showing her that she was important to me, and that I saw a future for us. In the 10 months I have met none of hers, no family members, even though I have asked. Her parents are coming to visit this weekend and I asked her if I would get to meet her parents. Her response was,"Yes, probably not this weekend though since time is so limited." Not sure where the limit is, but it hurts. She wanted to get a new BBQ for their visit and I made every effort to go with her and get it so she would have things as she planned them. I guess I'm at fault for expecting that a good deed would go unpunished. As for her Facebook feed, she controls what she is tagged in and when I tag her in photos they usually arent allowed on her FB page, or she approves them weeks/months later. Its hurtful and she tells me I'm crazy for worrying about it and that she is just a "private" person, yet her timeline is littered with pix of her and her ex boyfriend.

my family is very estranged and disconnected so i really never considered introducing there, and now i realize that would be strange to a partner but honestly he was avoidant so he didn’t care.

Before that, partners did meet my family once we were involved seriously but it’s only because the family expected it and it was less trouble to do that then keep it separated.

My relationship history is so strange and dysfunctional i don’t have any real clarity on that.

I will have to keep it in mind if i date again, because i have no idea if i would introduce him i am just still very compartmentalized.  

i have to talk to my therapist about this lol

with family it’s about avoiding conflict for me and with friends i think it’s just a matter of my compartments that don’t spill over but i know for a fact there is not any intention to hurt or demean the partner.
i like being with a more avoidant partner to avoid all these conflicts ho haha.
it seems it gets so complicated. so easy.
but i do understand that it would feel alienating if you wanted to meet your partners people.

mary, do you introduce your partner to friends?
if so, how do you do that, would you arrange a dinner or something?
I go out to dinner with friends onky 3-4 times a year so it seems like it would be a major event for me, it wouldn’t happen naturally unless we were at the gym together or something, a shared activity that we both wanted to do where my friends were already. 

I do intro them to friends.  With my family, it would have to be specifically arranged and in order to do that, I would have to see my family too.  It's more a matter that I don't want to see my family!

They do meet my friends, but perhaps I see mine more than you do.  My friends are very social and they're always having parties, gatherings, going to plays, etc.  I will bring my bf along if he wants to go. 


  

if could be also, that even with growth out of the lone wolf thing, and even tho i am still extremely compartmentalized, the logistics of my life prevent much change there for me right now.  i do work a couple evenings a week and then spend the rest of the time with the kids when they are home.  they are still in school.
maybe it’s a habit to stay my myself through the weekends they are gone.
that was the time (1 night a week) i spent with my da partner. 

inhave no idea and and if i date again i will probably have to really look into this. 

i usually go 3 years or so between relationships but i don’t want to do that anymore i would like to keep trying now.