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Post by kristyrose on Feb 15, 2018 20:16:03 GMT
That really is the reason we all go. I started therapy 6 years ago because I was in pain going through a divorce. My therapy evolved over the years and we continued to tackle deeper issues which then lead me to my anxious attachment stuff. It takes a long time, but you will see little changes along the way that make big differences in how you feel. If you were going for someone else as a response to an ultimatum, then I would say don't bother. But you are going to take care of you pain. That is a good reason. This is interesting. I never thought of people going to therapy due to pain. It's probably why a lot of avoidants don't go. I started going to therapy, because I had questions and I figured they might have some answers on why I make bad choices when it comes to men. Hi Mary, Well it's both for me. I was in pain and I had a lot of questions about why I also chose certain men and felt unhappy in general. I could see areas of my life that had some gaps where things didn't make sense, or seem "normal". I think the pain is the catalyst, then come the questions and curiosity. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2018 21:12:25 GMT
This is interesting. I never thought of people going to therapy due to pain. It's probably why a lot of avoidants don't go. I started going to therapy, because I had questions and I figured they might have some answers on why I make bad choices when it comes to men. Hi Mary, Well it's both for me. I was in pain and I had a lot of questions about why I also chose certain men and felt unhappy in general. I could see areas of my life that had some gaps where things didn't make sense, or seem "normal". I think the pain is the catalyst, then come the questions and curiosity. this is so interesting to me, i took a more analytical approach as well. kind of like, something’s broken, i need to fix it. i felt almost an obligation like it was my duty to figure it out, or else bad things would keep happening and i actually felt guilty and self conscious about that? however, the pain arose later. yep. lots of it. |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 15, 2018 21:53:58 GMT
Hi Mary, Well it's both for me. I was in pain and I had a lot of questions about why I also chose certain men and felt unhappy in general. I could see areas of my life that had some gaps where things didn't make sense, or seem "normal". I think the pain is the catalyst, then come the questions and curiosity. this is so interesting to me, i took a more analytical approach as well. kind of like, something’s broken, i need to fix it. i felt almost an obligation like it was my duty to figure it out, or else bad things would keep happening and i actually felt guilty and self conscious about that? however, the pain arose later. yep. lots of it. Funny thought here; AP's seem to go through the pain before the situation actually manifests due to an overstimulated attachment system because they anticipate pain and loss even after slight cues which may not actually signify impending doom. Secures go through it as it happens, the attachment system being neither over- nor 'under'stimulated (yes, I know that's not a word, but I like to keep my nomenclature consistent  ), and the avoidant go through it after the fact or quite possibly never (consciously, in any case. Scans have actually shown that the physiological responses are the same but don't show up in the conscious mind) depending on how severely avoidant they are. |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 15, 2018 22:06:54 GMT
FA go through it before, during and after!
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 15, 2018 22:11:03 GMT
FA go through it before, during and after! I think you're quite right there |
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 15, 2018 23:55:43 GMT
this is so interesting to me, i took a more analytical approach as well. kind of like, something’s broken, i need to fix it. i felt almost an obligation like it was my duty to figure it out, or else bad things would keep happening and i actually felt guilty and self conscious about that? however, the pain arose later. yep. lots of it. Funny thought here; AP's seem to go through the pain before the situation actually manifests due to an overstimulated attachment system because they anticipate pain and loss even after slight cues which may not actually signify impending doom. Secures go through it as it happens, the attachment system being neither over- nor 'under'stimulated (yes, I know that's not a word, but I like to keep my nomenclature consistent ), and the avoidant go through it after the fact or quite possibly never (consciously, in any case. Scans have actually shown that the physiological responses are the same but don't show up in the conscious mind) depending on how severely avoidant they are. I agree, jaeger that AP's due tend to go through pain before the situation, however when i've been with secures I tend to act more secure myself, even borderline avoidant so i may not go through the pain until it passes or at all. In this cause, it was a before during and after kind of situation. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2018 0:16:57 GMT
the really super awesome thing (?) is that now that i am working hard to change it i feel it RIGHT ON TIME and me NO LIKEY 😭😭😭😂
today i tried to move to another country mentally and my jet ran out of fuel 😑 so i sat on the runway and it was lame but now i am rewarding myself with a nice hot stone massage..... 😬😋
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 16, 2018 0:27:21 GMT
the really super awesome thing (?) is that now that i am working hard to change it i feel it RIGHT ON TIME and me NO LIKEY 😭😭😭😂 today i tried to move to another country mentally and my jet ran out of fuel 😑 so i sat on the runway and it was lame but now i am rewarding myself with a nice hot stone massage..... 😬😋 That's the problem with being in the moment... Sometimes the moment sucks 😄 But knowing that whatever happens, I can deal and that I have a support system that will help me through times where I'm not sure I'll manage on my own is what keeps me in secure patterns. Barring that, the only options are being hyper alert to see any potential danger coming or shutting down and running away from it. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2018 0:30:44 GMT
the really super awesome thing (?) is that now that i am working hard to change it i feel it RIGHT ON TIME and me NO LIKEY 😭😭😭😂 today i tried to move to another country mentally and my jet ran out of fuel 😑 so i sat on the runway and it was lame but now i am rewarding myself with a nice hot stone massage..... 😬😋 That's the problem with being in the moment... Sometimes the moment sucks 😄 But knowing that whatever happens, I can deal and that I have a support system that will help me through times where I'm not sure I'll manage on my own is what keeps me in secure patterns. Barring that, the only options are being hyper alert to see any potential danger coming or shutting down and running away from it. i feel the same way, and it’s also nice knowing that when the moment passes i can go get a massage! 😁 on my way now as a matter of fact! 😍 |
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 16, 2018 0:38:32 GMT
the really super awesome thing (?) is that now that i am working hard to change it i feel it RIGHT ON TIME and me NO LIKEY 😭😭😭😂 today i tried to move to another country mentally and my jet ran out of fuel 😑 so i sat on the runway and it was lame but now i am rewarding myself with a nice hot stone massage..... 😬😋 That's the problem with being in the moment... Sometimes the moment sucks 😄 But knowing that whatever happens, I can deal and that I have a support system that will help me through times where I'm not sure I'll manage on my own is what keeps me in secure patterns. Barring that, the only options are being hyper alert to see any potential danger coming or shutting down and running away from it. Jaeger, I like this post a lot! It reminds me that while being in the moment SUCKS, i have many resources and support to help me through. There have been nights I just feel too overwhelmed with the sadness, so I call up a friend and they are here at my place to have a glass of wine and share some laughs- it really does lift me in those dark times. I forget to be proud of myself for getting through each day trying new ways to manage my anxiety and enjoy the moment as well. I had my EMDR session this afternoon and sometimes those wipe me out, but today I thought of how proud I am of myself to keep pushing through so that I can have a happier life. We only get one. Sending you a big hug for all the times you lift me up as well. |
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 16, 2018 0:39:50 GMT
the really super awesome thing (?) is that now that i am working hard to change it i feel it RIGHT ON TIME and me NO LIKEY 😭😭😭😂 today i tried to move to another country mentally and my jet ran out of fuel 😑 so i sat on the runway and it was lame but now i am rewarding myself with a nice hot stone massage..... 😬😋 awww dear friend its OK. you are taking very good care of yourself, guess what-ME LIKEY that!!! |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 16, 2018 0:46:42 GMT
That's the problem with being in the moment... Sometimes the moment sucks 😄 But knowing that whatever happens, I can deal and that I have a support system that will help me through times where I'm not sure I'll manage on my own is what keeps me in secure patterns. Barring that, the only options are being hyper alert to see any potential danger coming or shutting down and running away from it. Jaeger, I like this post a lot! It reminds me that while being in the moment SUCKS, i have many resources and support to help me through. There have been nights I just feel too overwhelmed with the sadness, so I call up a friend and they are here at my place to have a glass of wine and share some laughs- it really does lift me in those dark times. I forget to be proud of myself for getting through each day trying new ways to manage my anxiety and enjoy the moment as well. I had my EMDR session this afternoon and sometimes those wipe me out, but today I thought of how proud I am of myself to keep pushing through so that I can have a happier life. We only get one. Sending you a big hug for all the times you lift me up as well. Thanks for the hug. Can never have too many of those! I'm glad to hear it's shifted your perspective somewhat, reading it. I think we are all at risk, sometimes, of focusing on our im0erfections and 'what ifs' to such a degree that we forget what makes us awesome people. I see it in you, and hope you will start to see the same, soon. A suggestion I have is to make the most of that support; go out with them, have fun, try something new. Remind yourself of all the great and fun sides you have to offer. I think you'll find your thoughts drifting less and less to someone unable to either appreciate that or to provide what you needed to stay that way. |
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), and the avoidant go through it after the fact or quite possibly never (consciously, in any case. Scans have actually shown that the physiological responses are the same but don't show up in the conscious mind) depending on how severely avoidant they are.