Question for FA's: feelings of being attached to someone?

That's typical FA behavior. He IS attached to you, which is the reason for wanting to connect with you AND for getting triggered and wanting to pull away.

Yes - mine would be the same and this would carry on ad infinitim if I let it.

The problem is that him being attached and wanting to keep in touch - to make him feel good and his ability to actually give you the security and love that you need in a relationship are two very different things. I know you have been in alot of pain over the last few weeks - is this push and pull what you really want?

This is a question only you can answer - the intermittent reinforcement will do a very good job of pulling you back in if you let it - I am not sure you need to question his motivation - maybe instead ask YOU what YOU want from him - then be honest with both yourself and him. I don't see what's changed here? Re read your recent posts and maybe spend some time considering whether the short term connection, which is helping to ease the pain at the moment, is worth the long term pain in reconnecting.

I have learnt that being really honest with my partner or ex partner, is a really good way of keeping boundaries intact. If you want a relationship which means X Y and Z then that's fine - and assuming he knows this and has nothing different to offer what are you getting out of this kind of contact?

I agree with ocarina...figure out what you want rather than focusing on his motives.  But needing to see text evidence is some sort of crazy making.  I would think he has issues other than just attachment.

Yes, I agree that the fear is a good healthy indication that I'm getting farther along in my acceptance and my work.

I think as I reflect on the relationship and how we both showed up, I'm trying to understand him as much as I can so that he's not the villain and I'm not the victim. However, the time is definitely right this very moment to keep the focus only on myself and healing. 

Thank you though for validating the crazy making behavior! He said a lot of things like "i only put my arm around you because you seemed cold"- even though he did this indoors, all the time, anytime. So yes, that conversation was a very hard eye-opening experience. 

Thank you also, for being very supportive. 

Before my relationship went on its inexorable and final push/pull cycle where we broke up four times in as many weeks, my ex-FA while feeling in an particularly vulnerable mood (might have been after sex) told me: "I'm scared because I'm used to you." I just told her I loved her and she said "I love you too, and it's only going to go that way more and more." I took it as a good sign back. Looking back, this was probably a sign of the internal conflict starting to become really difficult to deal with as she found herself getting too close for comfort. It's a very bittersweet memory as it was everything I wanted to hear, but now it I realize it hearkened our demise.

p.s. does anyone else wistfully look at the "add attachment" button on the top right of the post editor each time they are writing something that's sad? lol. 

p.p.s. And Kristy, you need to go full no-contact. You risk falling back into pattern. 

kristyrose, he toys with you like a sociopath, i hate it!
anyone can be a target, they are cunning.
this guy is horrible.
he is the villain.
i rarely say that, but shit! he’s bad.

Ya know what T, its funny you say sociopath, I came across an article on sociopaths from psychology today and it describes my ex almost perfectly. I pretty much fell out of my chair!