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Post by yasmin on Feb 18, 2018 13:38:35 GMT
It's such an awful paradox. Today, the ex "not really a relationship", posted a picture on FB showing her enjoying the company of someone new. There were aspects that I missed, especially after talking about things here. I don't think I've been so intimate with another human being. Letting the man stuff down and snuggling into her shoulder. Being the little spoon for a bit. Scared as hell, but for that second, being able to relax and be whoever this is... So, you were right all along, Yasmin! When I saw that picture tonight, I think of the good people I've serially pushed out of my life when they've got close, and how she, like them all, deserves to be happy. How I perceive happiness to not be with me. How this rotten attachment has damaged people around me. How it has kept me an island, no matter how much I've tried to do things differently. Eventually, all the same stuff comes back. I'm really angry with myself because none of this is new to me. How often do I have to learn the same lesson? Thanks for being here, folks. I appreciate it more than I think I let on. It really brought a lot of emotion to me reading this. Thank you for sharing it. You're going to make steps forward... I know it. You should share this with her. All of it. Shed like to hear it. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 14:19:15 GMT
It's such an awful paradox. Today, the ex "not really a relationship", posted a picture on FB showing her enjoying the company of someone new. There were aspects that I missed, especially after talking about things here. I don't think I've been so intimate with another human being. Letting the man stuff down and snuggling into her shoulder. Being the little spoon for a bit. Scared as hell, but for that second, being able to relax and be whoever this is... So, you were right all along, Yasmin! When I saw that picture tonight, I think of the good people I've serially pushed out of my life when they've got close, and how she, like them all, deserves to be happy. How I perceive happiness to not be with me. How this rotten attachment has damaged people around me. How it has kept me an island, no matter how much I've tried to do things differently. Eventually, all the same stuff comes back. I'm really angry with myself because none of this is new to me. How often do I have to learn the same lesson? Thanks for being here, folks. I appreciate it more than I think I let on. it made me cry a little bit when i read about how you experienced closeness and vulnerability for the first time, and what it meant to you. this was my experience in the last relationship too and it touched me deeply. it also gave me a new kind of want for a relationship but that seems to be fading by the day, i think i will have to just change habits to allow that in if there is someone available who comes along. I understand the anger and frustration and regrets also. i have experienced that in unbearable measures at times. I have come through much of this to a new acceptance and new level of peace, with myself. But your words pricked my heart and i am so sorry for the suffering each of us bears with this. I am really glad we all are here, supporting each other . I feel much relief after my breakup experience, it’s not all gone but i feel fresh and strong and like i gained some new dimensions. But i am not done yet. left to habit, i will isolate forever. i have to keep challenging myself and i will do it here. Thanks mrob, yasmin, ocarina, @anxious, @mary for all unpacking and sorting through this, it all is so beneficial. and there is another poster who posted about soul mates, i don’t have that name in front of me. what a great thing we have here. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 17:36:52 GMT
It's such an awful paradox. Today, the ex "not really a relationship", posted a picture on FB showing her enjoying the company of someone new. There were aspects that I missed, especially after talking about things here. I don't think I've been so intimate with another human being. Letting the man stuff down and snuggling into her shoulder. Being the little spoon for a bit. Scared as hell, but for that second, being able to relax and be whoever this is... So, you were right all along, Yasmin! When I saw that picture tonight, I think of the good people I've serially pushed out of my life when they've got close, and how she, like them all, deserves to be happy. How I perceive happiness to not be with me. How this rotten attachment has damaged people around me. How it has kept me an island, no matter how much I've tried to do things differently. Eventually, all the same stuff comes back. I'm really angry with myself because none of this is new to me. How often do I have to learn the same lesson? Thanks for being here, folks. I appreciate it more than I think I let on. I am both happy and sad for you. It's painful to see your wall crumbling bit by bit. The moment you realize that you WANT to cuddle, that you want to be close but recognizing that you don't know how to get there. It seems like an impossible journey in the dark without a flashlight. From one island to another, I can see that you are getting there, but the steps are small and the road is long. Every moment that you can enjoy the cuddle, every moment that you feel the pain every moment that you reach out for help, every moment that you can accept the support and reassurance of another is one step closer. |
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Post by ocarina on Feb 18, 2018 18:38:44 GMT
It's such an awful paradox. Today, the ex "not really a relationship", posted a picture on FB showing her enjoying the company of someone new. There were aspects that I missed, especially after talking about things here. I don't think I've been so intimate with another human being. Letting the man stuff down and snuggling into her shoulder. Being the little spoon for a bit. Scared as hell, but for that second, being able to relax and be whoever this is... So, you were right all along, Yasmin! When I saw that picture tonight, I think of the good people I've serially pushed out of my life when they've got close, and how she, like them all, deserves to be happy. How I perceive happiness to not be with me. How this rotten attachment has damaged people around me. How it has kept me an island, no matter how much I've tried to do things differently. Eventually, all the same stuff comes back. I'm really angry with myself because none of this is new to me. How often do I have to learn the same lesson? Thanks for being here, folks. I appreciate it more than I think I let on. It is so frustrating - the feeling of being stuck in a groove despite having awareness of the groove. Small steps mrob, small steps. I spent many years being damaged and damaging in the way you described and it's heartbreaking in hindsight - my partners didn't deserve the unawareness I brought to relationships - but I now see it wasn't my fault - and that compassion for both sides rather than terrible guilt and shame - or denial, is the way to heal. I hope you can find ways to forgive yourself - perhaps ask your ex partners for forgiveness too - if only in your heart and learn to move forward with freedom. |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 18, 2018 18:42:26 GMT
I agree mrob you should be compassionate to yourself above all else. It's painful for everybody. I'm pretty trapped in my cycle too. I see it (but usually only when it's too late) and it's sad to not be able to do the simple things everyone else finds so easy. We're working on it though. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 19:05:22 GMT
i think it’s important to point out, also, that with our emotional unavailability, we also choose (subconsciously) emotionally unavailable partners.
we are all hiding from intimacy, no matter the attachment style.
we can heal, hopefully our ex partners will heal their issues as well.
humans are messy but we can help each other clean up pretty good.
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