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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 19:55:57 GMT
i think that's what it comes down to. a plan is a promise to leave my solitude and that's the most comfortable place for me to be, most of my life. it no longer fits so i am trying to change deeply ingrained habits. does this resonate with you? |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 21, 2018 20:03:28 GMT
i think that's what it comes down to. a plan is a promise to leave my solitude and that's the most comfortable place for me to be, most of my life. it no longer fits so i am trying to change deeply ingrained habits. does this resonate with you? Yes. Even as a little kid I liked solitude. It's a deeply ingrained habit and I'd like to find ways to relate better |
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Post by scheme00 on Feb 21, 2018 20:03:48 GMT
I was trying to minimize the importance of the meeting so that it helps relieve anxiety, thats all. I guess I can not relate to how you feel so I'll try to learn from you experience rather than try to help fix it  |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 20:07:23 GMT
It's normal to schedule things out that far away for people that have things going on in their lives like kids etc. it doesn't mean it's a huge commitment or anything at all, just that you are making an effort to meet up. It's interesting that all of the pressure is internal, because in reality it's just two people that are getting together to meet to have fun like normal. You should be excited you get to go drive gocarts and let loose with an attractive guy. That all there is to it! i'm sorry if i'm over sensitive scheme, i know you are trying to be supportive i just get a little embarrassed because i don't know what's normal for people and i also feel like i want to cry for all the "normal" i have missed . i just hurt over small things like this. |
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Post by cricket on Feb 21, 2018 20:08:54 GMT
i think that's what it comes down to. a plan is a promise to leave my solitude and that's the most comfortable place for me to be, most of my life. it no longer fits so i am trying to change deeply ingrained habits. I totally get that! I'm introverted so I love my solitude and alone time. It takes a lot to get me out for one date. I have to really really be deliberate about it. Otherwise being home w a good book and my dogs sound much more appealing. |
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Post by goldilocks on Feb 21, 2018 20:11:35 GMT
It's normal to schedule things out that far away for people that have things going on in their lives like kids etc. it doesn't mean it's a huge commitment or anything at all, just that you are making an effort to meet up. It's interesting that all of the pressure is internal, because in reality it's just two people that are getting together to meet to have fun like normal. You should be excited you get to go drive gocarts and let loose with an attractive guy. That all there is to it! i'm sorry if i'm over sensitive scheme, i know you are trying to be supportive i just get a little embarrassed because i don't know what's normal for people and i also feel like i want to cry for all the "normal" i have missed . i just hurt over small things like this. This is actually a very good sign. If you can, feel free to actually cry for the normal things you have missed. I know that whenever I did this, I found myself more flexible in body and mind afterward; able to do things I thought I could not. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 20:11:56 GMT
I was trying to minimize the importance of the meeting so that it helps relieve anxiety, thats all. I guess I can not relate to how you feel so I'll try to learn from you experience rather than try to help fix it no please keep helping me, i want and appreciate your help. i am actually at the moment having big tears in my eyes because all the simple stuff, that should be so easy, was always a far off dream for me and i would see it for other people and be "outside looking in" and these are the things i have to face in order to change it. if i didn't make a plan i wouldn't know how sad i am deep down about all i have lost and missed out on peaceful in solitude is good, but sometimes it's ignorance that is blissful. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 20:13:04 GMT
omg i am crying so hard right now thank you guys.
i have a client who will hug me and then i have to get to work but i will be back.
please keep helping me i need it.
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Post by scheme00 on Feb 21, 2018 20:15:47 GMT
I am so happy you're crying actually. That means your are feeling your feelings instead of burying them and not processing them. We are humans and that comes with emotions. Live the full experience and process them because when you do you are free to move on without the baggage.
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 21, 2018 20:23:10 GMT
This sounds very exciting, @tgat! I know that you find all this very scary, but I am excited for you!
And driving go carts is super fun, you'll have a blast!
You made a plan, who cares if it's tomorrow or 12 days away, you committed to something and this is a great step forward!
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Post by cricket on Feb 21, 2018 20:35:57 GMT
Tears are great therapy☺ cry as much as you want.
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Post by ocarina on Feb 21, 2018 21:31:15 GMT
I get it a million times over - for me making one plan in a day, even if it's something I want to do, is like giving away my peace for the whole day - as though anticipating and then recovering from the event eat into my comfort zone - even if it's someone planning to come round for twenty minutes that still kind of ruins the day.... my free childless weekend stretching ahead of me (rarely) is just the ultimate in luxury.
On the flip side having been longterm with a partner who only ever planned on the same day and left me in a constant state of anxiety as to when we were going to see each other, whether I should organise something else etc I know this doesn't work in a relationship - even from a practical point of view, an independent partner with a busy life doesn't want to be left hanging.
To be honest this was my biggest relationship killer - I was quite happy getting together once or twice a week but if it needed to be organised by him at the last minute on whichever day suited him it didn't work.
Great stuff - to be aware and then take some little action, way to go Tgat!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 21:36:59 GMT
Now write it on your calendar and keep the commitment. I know you can do it!!!
Plus it sounds like fun!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 22:00:16 GMT
i'm so excited and sad for what i have missed but also proud of myself that i am going to let myself change and catch up to life.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 22:01:33 GMT
so many emotions over such a small thing.
so i have a huge lump in my throat but lots of that emotion is good feelings.
thank you everybody for supporting me, it takes away my embarrassment and confusion.
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