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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 18:22:46 GMT
with a man 😬😁
to drive indoor high speed go carts.
12 days away.
yes i am attracted to him, for my idea of an involvement....
i am touched that he wants to go have fun with me.
i felt a surge of dread making the plan,
but i told him i have trouble with this and i would like to improve it.
i want to stop denying myself things.
i will try my best with this simple activity.
it's a small start.
why is this so hard? is it normal to make a plan that far out?
i have my kids this weekend so it has to be next weekend.
i thought if i didn't nail down a plan then i would just avoid it altogether because that's me for 47 years.
it's the little things that i bang my head against the wall about. i don't need much so i really do good making do with nothing.
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Post by guest on Feb 21, 2018 18:30:53 GMT
You got this tgat, it sounds like fun!!
I think it's awesome that you communicated that you have trouble with making plans.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 18:51:59 GMT
You got this tgat, it sounds like fun!! I think it's awesome that you communicated that you have trouble with making plans. thank you bip! we have known each other at the gym for a while, we lift at the same time of day. so he knows a bit about me just from that. he is very similar. but i am really touched that when i said i want to go have fun, he said "Let's go have fun then!" that, to me, is such a sweet thing. i can't tell you how much it means to me. to just have fun. some people want promises and forever, i just want to love my life NOW, and if that works, tomorrow is no problem. i don't even think about tomorrow. so this is meaningful to me. stacking up good days, that's how i bond and i already like him as a friendS i hope we don't mess it up but i am not going to worry about that. it's a lot better to just enjoy the today's. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 18:56:05 GMT
i'm forcing myself to do things differently because i want to, but it's not natural and i just have to follow through and work it out.
i notice that it makes me feel tension in my chest but all i have to do is notice that and let it go.
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Post by scheme00 on Feb 21, 2018 19:22:03 GMT
It's normal to schedule things out that far away for people that have things going on in their lives like kids etc. it doesn't mean it's a huge commitment or anything at all, just that you are making an effort to meet up. It's interesting that all of the pressure is internal, because in reality it's just two people that are getting together to meet to have fun like normal. You should be excited you get to go drive gocarts and let loose with an attractive guy. That all there is to it!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 19:25:19 GMT
It's normal to schedule things out that far away for people that have things going on in their lives like kids etc. it doesn't mean it's a huge commitment or anything at all, just that you are making an effort to meet up. It's interesting that all of the pressure is internal, because in reality it's just two people that are getting together to meet to have fun like normal. You should be excited you get to go drive gocarts and let loose with an attractive guy. That all there is to it! i totally get how i think i should feel, it's so funny! its just that it isn't normal for me, i am so so solitary all my life, it's a complicated thing to describe. my natural state is alone. as i get healthier i would like to change it and i do enjoy people. i have some other threads where i go into it. i am sure we will have a blast, i am just changing something deeply innate that took root when i was a kid. this literally is a new dimension for me. |
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Post by scheme00 on Feb 21, 2018 19:29:37 GMT
It's normal to schedule things out that far away for people that have things going on in their lives like kids etc. it doesn't mean it's a huge commitment or anything at all, just that you are making an effort to meet up. It's interesting that all of the pressure is internal, because in reality it's just two people that are getting together to meet to have fun like normal. You should be excited you get to go drive gocarts and let loose with an attractive guy. That all there is to it! i totally get how i think i should feel, it's so funny! its just that it isn't normal for me, i am so so solitary all my life, it's a complicated thing to describe. my natural state is alone. as i get healthier i would like to change it and i do enjoy people. i have some other threads where i go into it. i am sure we will have a blast, i am just changing something deeply innate that took root when i was a kid. this literally is a new dimension for me. Does it feel different for you if you think of it as hanging out with a friend? Or is it difficult for you because this is an actual date? Or do you have trouble with both? |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 19:36:51 GMT
i am very in the moment with plans and my natural state is solitude.
i have this difficulty with female friends, male friends, anyone. even family.
so i am trying to break what has been a fundamental part of my nature, gravitating to solitude.
so a plan is a promise to not be in solitude and that is not easy for me, it isn't about the other person or what may transpire..
i actually love people but have always engaged in a limited way because my natural state is just solitude.
i am an extroverted lone wolf.
it comes from a tremendous amount of abuse and neglect as a kid and finding solace and peace and companionship inside myself.
but i love people of all kinds and now would like to grow into sharing myself and my time more, and receiving the happiness i feel when i am connecting.
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Post by yasmin on Feb 21, 2018 19:40:52 GMT
TWELVE DAYS AWAY??? Tgat, you're actually stressing ME out here and this is just reading it online. It's good you're going wild ha ha. I don't think I could go for 12 days away with someone I was married to  I think it's good if you're breaking out of patterns |
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Post by scheme00 on Feb 21, 2018 19:43:36 GMT
TWELVE DAYS AWAY??? Tgat, you're actually stressing ME out here and this is just reading it online. It's good you're going wild ha ha. I don't think I could go for 12 days away with someone I was married to I think it's good if you're breaking out of patterns What's wrong with 12 days away for busy people? I've tried to meet up for a date and we were both busy so we put it in the calendar two weeks away and confirmed as the time got closer. I think it's making an effort to find time with two people who have mutual interest. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 19:43:59 GMT
i think that's what it comes down to.
a plan is a promise to leave my solitude and that's the most comfortable place for me to be, most of my life.
it no longer fits so i am trying to change deeply ingrained habits.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 19:46:17 GMT
TWELVE DAYS AWAY??? Tgat, you're actually stressing ME out here and this is just reading it online. It's good you're going wild ha ha. I don't think I could go for 12 days away with someone I was married to I think it's good if you're breaking out of patterns What's wrong with 12 days away for busy people? I've tried to meet up for a date and we were both busy so we put it in the calendar two weeks away and confirmed as the time got closer. I think it's making an effort to find time with two people who have mutual interest. you can accept what i am saying my difficulty is, or you can tell me what is important or realistic to you, but this is about my process. you can read about the compartmentalization thread, you can read the "i know it's annoying" thread, you can choose to have some understanding of my difficulty, or notZ but i am not you. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 19:47:20 GMT
it's an avoidant thing and if you don't understand i it that is totally cool. some are helping me unpack my feelings about it. you don't have to. it's ok.
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Post by yasmin on Feb 21, 2018 19:53:45 GMT
TWELVE DAYS AWAY??? Tgat, you're actually stressing ME out here and this is just reading it online. It's good you're going wild ha ha. I don't think I could go for 12 days away with someone I was married to I think it's good if you're breaking out of patterns What's wrong with 12 days away for busy people? I've tried to meet up for a date and we were both busy so we put it in the calendar two weeks away and confirmed as the time got closer. I think it's making an effort to find time with two people who have mutual interest. Of course, but we're avoidants and need a lot of space. I can't even be around my best friend for more than 3 hours. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 19:54:00 GMT
TWELVE DAYS AWAY??? Tgat, you're actually stressing ME out here and this is just reading it online. It's good you're going wild ha ha. I don't think I could go for 12 days away with someone I was married to I think it's good if you're breaking out of patterns thank you yasmin! it was totally against my grain but at the same time i felt good about it! trying, trying!! i can do it! |
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I think it's good if you're breaking out of patterns