Support forum is for DA to heal

Its the drama triangle. The cast themselves in the victim role and their DA in the villain role. Yet they also cast their DA in the victim role and themselves in the rescuer role.

Many AP do have boundaries and behave well, but some are just so stuck in anger and drama and blame games.

And some just get really ugly...

Like the DA says "Hey I don't want to be with you romantically, but we can get laid or see a mavie as friends."

AP hears "If only you will prove yourself to me by leaving a toothbrush after sex or plotting from the friendzone, I will surely profess my undying love"

"He seems to enjoy my company, and only threw out my toothbrush twice, so I guess he is becoming aware that I'm his twin flame."

Then after years of friendship and/or a few rolls in the hay, the AP gets upset and is like "I love you but I hate everything you do and everything you say!"

And the DA is like "Um okay, so maybe we should not be together, lets have a break"

AP comes onto the forum "My DA is such a #%$@. How do I get revenge and then reform him into prince charming???!?!?"

That stuff just gives me an instant headache.

To Goldilocks and Junipur
I came on this forum to heal, get express freely, relate, understnad myself better and inner reflect. I understand that AP’s are using your knowledge to get answers but that is part rejection in general and they are just as frustrated and overwhelmed with their journy just as DA often feel.
I agree you do deserve a safe place to be you and heal. However, I think the judgement you have both posted is over the top. I am leaving this forum because I see only judgment and not a place of healing. Both of you have a lot to offer both DA and AP. It’s unfortunate that you choosing atract and to add to the toxicity as you have done here today.

.


i'm leaving too so i completely respect your choice and wish you the very best !

thank you tnr9.

isn't it ironic?
we vent frustrations and there's so many triggers...
we should be ashamed of ourselves

i'm not being facetious with you, i know you are sincere here.

but i am speaking to the incredible double standard here that is so hypocritical!

once i saw AP's ask a DA for their input and the input was given, and holy hell. the acting out. bad DA.

I have seen AP write "Why can't the DA just tell me how they feel instead of holding it in?"

DA says how they feel and holy hell. meanie DA.

the sensitive AP people are really insensitive!!
the angry AP people accusing selfishness and evil intent are mean mean mean!!! No! they are just hurt. They have an excuse. whatt?!?! 😬

The literature points out these behaviors as toxic and offensive BUT that gets missed when AP is diagnosing and mindreading DA!! what the heck. i'm not mad i'm exasperated and a little bemused.

I myself was shamed all my everlovin' life. these AP poster sound just like my mom. she was personality disordered.
If you read the character assasination and assignment of evil intent so many AP do here regarding their avoidant.. that's my life since i was a girl. i was just so evil. Ha! what a bunch of crap!

Well, that doesn't bother me, has anyone seen me really tear into before today? nah. But i'm tired of playing by rules no one else plays by. i think we avoidants have showed a massive amount of restraint.

anyway, thanks for listening to me vent. I actually am not all mad just really saying what i think about the dynamic.

i'm here as long as i want to be or get kicked out, still interacting with some privately, mulling with Goldi here because i guess we can? lol.

i wish you the best also. 🙂

I don't think you have to leave. Just come and go and join in on posts you find helpful and ignore ones you don't.

All internet forums are the same. You just have to filter.

this isnt about HAVE to leave. 🙂
of course i know i can take what i want and leave the rest.
did you read anything here? why invalidate the way this really is a problem for us?

it's also about the hall monitors here who can't let us engage with an OP who likes what were contributing without bossing and whining because they don't condone our contribution.
it takes a lot of energy to respond an we don't have to but holy cow.

members that i am corresponding with via PM and I can carry on our stuff in private. So the forum has lost its usefulness to me absolutely. but it was good for a time and i appreciate all who helped me.

Goldilocks and i already work issues together in private.


br]this is about a want, anyway, and feelings, and that's good enough.

that's valid.

and not all forums are the same.
what?!?!! 😳
some are moderated, exclusive, for a certain membership.
they can be customized. useful for a small group.
have you not posted on something more focused before?
private forums have been around forever.

i'm surprised you didn't know that but that's a very real viable option and i'm gonna go check the new one out.
Goldi and i can build that how we want, for DA healing without AP processes. She has such an incredible knowledge and resource pool. i don't think a DA forum that's friendly exists... wait now it does but it's just a baby lol.

Anyway, it's just a preference, but thank you for your support

eeep i love it this is exciting thank you from the bottom of my heart goldilocks.
maybe you can maintain membership and a link here so if a DA comes thinking this is the only place for DA they can have the option of our forum also? they could message you for membership?
i have no idea if Jeb would support that but he is sympathetic to a point i know.