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Post by scheme00 on May 19, 2018 17:11:29 GMT
I was wondering if anyone here has experience using depression medication prescribed by doctors to help relieve anxiety? For years I have been struggling with low level of depression and it gets triggered whenever I go through a break up or some type of relationship ending. For years I have also been against using any form of medication to fight this.
I recently went to the Doctor Who recommended I try the lowest dose of Zoloft to help stabilize my mood since I I get anxiety and OCD when I am triggered. Reluctantly I agreed to it and started doing my research and found that surprisingly about 85 to 90% of people had very good things to say about the drug itself. I’m on day three of taking the medication, and although I do see side effects that are supposed to go away within two weeks I can already tell that I don’t hit my extreme low points anymore and it has been very helpful. I’m excited to have found something that may help all of this anxiety I’ve felt for much of my life.
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Post by leavethelighton on May 25, 2018 1:26:09 GMT
I have been on meds on and off over the years (say, 1 year out of 5) more for depression, but then I also think I've spent most of my life in denial about having anxiety.
Anyway, whenever I go on one, I'm glad I did. There may be some side effects-- if they are tolerable, give them a few weeks, because they often fade. When I went on Zoloft (this was like 20 years ago in college), I remember thinking wow, this is like the difference between night and day. I want to send the person who invented this drug a boquet of flowers.
Because Zoloft causes me carb cravings and weight gain, later in life I tried Wellbutrin instead and found the benefit more subtle but still useful. I'm one of the rare people who still gains weight on Wellbutrin, but not as much as I did on Zoloft.
For me the medications can let the light into darkness, or take the edge off carrying around an ongoing sense of emotional pain. This time around (I've been on Wellbutrin for about 1.5 years now), I do think that I have more optimism and less worry/anxiety than I did before I was on it.
These medications are tools, ones which sometimes feel like miracles. Why deny yourself access to a potentially very useful tool because of some sort of stereotype or stigma? You're not making a lifetime commitment, more like a 5 or 6 week commitment to see if it works (or fewer weeks if the side effects are bad for you). You will likely not see a maximum benefit until more like week 3 or 4.
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soho
Junior Member
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Post by soho on Dec 25, 2018 11:56:34 GMT
I started taking Sertraline (Zoloft) initially to lower my libido. My wife, DA/FA is LD (low drive) and insisted me to fix “my issue”. I agreed on taking Sertraline, but disagreed on the “issue”-idea, even though I admit the libido gap clearly is an issue in our marriage.
I’m only using 25mg a day.
The meds only slightly reduced the libido. The meds also increased my confidence. I m less anxious now and it s easier for me to connect with other people, including attractive female colleagues, which feels great.
I believe I m less AP now, I feel more secure and more masculine, and spontaneously turned into a more No more Mr Nice Guy type. But as a consequence this boosted my libido again.
After a tough day at work I just want to make love with my wife, but there the gap turns up again, and she prefers me to be the Nice Guy (in a way, not sure why).
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Post by leavethelighton on Dec 26, 2018 1:06:22 GMT
soho what do you mean by nice guy? And what's secure about "no more mr. Nice guy?"
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soho
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by soho on Dec 27, 2018 17:55:59 GMT
soho what do you mean by nice guy? And what's secure about "no more mr. Nice guy?" I was referring to the book “No More Mr Nice Guy”, which states that a guy becomes less attractive for his girlfriend when he pleases her all the time and does everything would want him to do. According to the book being too kind would make you look less masculine. This is only a theory, but I can imagine it s partly true. In a way the not so nice guy is more secure since the nice guy just does everything to please his girlfriend, maybe because he needs her confirmation and affection in return. |
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Post by Lizzie on Dec 28, 2018 10:30:38 GMT
Hi soho
I do not think you will find many people here who support medicating yourself instead of choosing to do the inner work. As for dropping the nice guy image then you seem to go for a manipulation path which again is a temporary fix to avoid the work.
I am sorry to say that but these choices will lead you nowhere. These are only bandages to cover a heavily bleeding wound out of your sight. Instead you should seek to understand yourself. It is a messy and painful journey but the only one that makes any sense.
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soho
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by soho on Dec 28, 2018 17:38:27 GMT
Hi soho I do not think you will find many people here who support medicating yourself instead of choosing to do the inner work. As for dropping the nice guy image then you seem to go for a manipulation path which again is a temporary fix to avoid the work. I am sorry to say that but these choices will lead you nowhere. These are only bandages to cover a heavily bleeding wound out of your sight. Instead you should seek to understand yourself. It is a messy and painful journey but the only one that makes any sense. Hi Lizzie, I see your point, but it’s more nuanced than it may seem. I ve been in therapy for approx 2 years now and I m very happy with the progress I ve made, including confidence and happy with who I am. I tend to believe that my partner wanted me to change and made me feel more uncertain, but thanks to the therapy I feel more happy about myself and the things I ve realised. However, I still had a lower than average confidence level and lost of lot of energy due to doubting or doublechecking. I m still in therapy, but the meds gave me a boost. It even feels somewhat ridiculous to know realise how the fear and uncertainty inhibited me in different dimensions. I have spent hours rereading e-mails, thinking about what people may think about it and whether I should change it. Now I just think once and send it. The impact on my relationship: I used to consult my wife very often, when I wasn t sure about which decision to take etc. I looked up at her, she was the strong person in the relationship, I tried to compensate by being the nice guy - in a way even a personal assistant. She likes that, but she doesn t feel attracted to me (even though I would call myself handsome). There is no passion in our marriage, no spicy moments, only little intimacy. This could be linked to her attachment style, but books such as Receiving love, Mating in Captivity (Esther Perel) and No More Mr Nice Guy state that when being too kind or too close you become less attractive. Happy to hear about other solutions. |
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Post by alexandra on Dec 28, 2018 20:34:21 GMT
Hi soho. What is your wife doing in all this? I hope not saying, she has a low libido and can't do anything about it so you have to find a way to lower yours. If she's not attracted to you but married you, there's work both of you can and should be doing. But you seem to be taking on way too much of the responsibility and blame in your posts. The idea of not being a "nice guy" because it's not attractive has to do with one of a few things. First, if you're dealing with an insecurely attached person, being nice and stable isn't likely to keep them lusting after you. But being with an insecurely attached person who isn't aware or doing the healing work is likely to be unhealthy for lots of reasons, moreso if you're insecure as well, so changing to accommodate that insecure situation is not something to aspire to. Second, as lizzie mentioned, there are guys who tell the narrative that they are nice, but it's actually quite manipulative and they are only nice because they want something. They feel they are owed in return for being nice, and then they are resentful if they don't get it. It's disingenuous and bad for everyone, and feels uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of that kind of "nice" behavior. Third, if you're too "nice" because you're insecure, then you may actually just be being a doormat. That comes with being unable to communicate your needs, being clingy, having bad boundaries, and bottling things up (traditionally, AP problems). This isn't attractive over time because the person doing this lacks a secure sense of self, good self-acceptance, and positive self-view. So it puts an enormous amount of pressure on the partner because there is an implicit expectation that your partner needs to help you emotionally regulate and provide your self-worth. That's not a fair thing and becomes stressful, hence losing attraction. But, if you are a kind person who is nice to their partner, and you are both securely attached, being nice should be appreciated and not a problem. Attraction changes over time and naturally diminishes somewhat with familiarity, but if you have a stable foundation and good emotional connection, then you can try new things together (not just sexually speaking) to continue to bond and have novelty. A lot about what you're saying sounds unhealthy because of how one-sided you're describing the efforts. Which implies you're being a pushover and she's not carrying her weight in working together to solve the joint parts of the issue, while you are clearly putting in a lot of effort to find solutions. |
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soho
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by soho on Dec 28, 2018 23:01:57 GMT
Hi Alexandra,
Good description of the Nice Guy scenario’s. I believe I m in a way a good guy, but I was too much of a doormat in our relationship and on the othet hand too clingy.
You re also right about the difference in input between my wife and I, but since she s low drive and rarely needs affection she doesn t feel the need to change anything. I m the one who misses affection and intimacy. On the one hand she blames me for the HD and tells me I should just be happy with what we have (no cuddling, no passion, limited intimacy and duty sex), but on the other hand she doing efforts (including going to couples therapy again) for me.
But all of this is of course off topic.
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Post by alexandra on Dec 28, 2018 23:37:05 GMT
Hi Alexandra, Good description of the Nice Guy scenario’s. I believe I m in a way a good guy, but I was too much of a doormat in our relationship and on the othet hand too clingy. You re also right about the difference in input between my wife and I, but since she s low drive and rarely needs affection she doesn t feel the need to change anything. I m the one who misses affection and intimacy. On the one hand she blames me for the HD and tells me I should just be happy with what we have (no cuddling, no passion, limited intimacy and duty sex), but on the other hand she doing efforts (including going to couples therapy again) for me. But all of this is of course off topic.
Oh, sorry, soho, I thought you were the original poster. I have more comments for you, but don't want to thread-jack now that I realize there was a separate question. |
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soho
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by soho on Dec 29, 2018 8:49:30 GMT
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