Stepping away from the dance and regaining self respect

I'm trying to work this out a bit

So you havent spoken to her in a few months and she has a new bf already?

And she's decided to bring her new bf of three months to this wedding that she knows you are going to attend?

I don't know if it's just me, but if I had a new partner of just a few months I don't think I would be bringing them to a wedding. It's too new. "oh what shall we do for our next date night? Do you want to go to a WEDDING?". It all just seems a bit too much too soon for a new dating couple, but again that could be my mindset and maybe it's normal thing to gdo among normal people , I dunno.

I may be terribly wrong 🤔😁 but...

I'm thinking this is all defiantly about making you feel bad/jealous/whatever. I think she knows exactly what she's doing just because all this is happening so quick and it just all seems too staged from my admittedly limited distance

So I think we have to propose damage limitation or even ways of turning things in your favour

1) go to the wedding
2) don't drink too much
3) ensure you have one or two close allies around you to act almost as a buffer between you and her.
4) do not speak to her
5) do not speak to him. In fact, the poor bloke is likely incredibly innocent in all this and has zero idea he is being used as a pawn in some weird drama game
6) try to have sex with a bridesmaid
7) do not start crying
8) enjoy yourself. F*** it. The best way to get back at her if she is doing all this purposefully, is to show her that you are enjoying life without her and she is not important to you. She wants to see you upset. She wants to see you glancing at her across the room. Do not give her that pleasure. As soon as you don't give her what she wants, the tables are turned. And she will be obsessing with you, not vice versa.
9)if you do have to speak to her, keep it cordial, brief nod "you alright? ", walk away. Do not engage further.
10) when the slow sloppy songs come on at the disco at the end, go to the bar and stay there. She will want to see you seeing her dancing with her new bf. Don't give her the pleasure.

You may have to do a fair bit of acting. But hey, she will be as well. So instead of running away, treat this as her playing a game (even if she is really not) and don't give her the pleasure of seeing you sad or upset or emotionally shaken. Then come end of the night it's safe to say you can then put a full stop on this mental relationship and declare yourself the winner (in your head) and move on.

juniper brokenbiscuit

I don’t think either of you have given bad advice and I appreciate you both taking some time out to have a look at my situation from different angles.

As far as I know she’s been seeing this guy romantically for a month tops, but has known him for years. I don’t think he is being brought along to get to me, but I do think he is being brought along to get inbetween me and my ex. Without sounding paranoid, I’m almost certain my ex and my sons mum have gotten together and organized this guy to come to provide somewhat of a buffer between me and my ex. He’s almost like a chaperone for her. My son’s mum didn’t deny this when I asked her about it, she tried to turn it around on me. Knowing my ex, she would be just as afraid of seeing me as I am her. The last time I saw her was 3 months ago when she left my house and kissed me goodbye and said seeya soon. There was an attempted ghosting after that, which I prized out of her, then she said she wanted to be friends which I regrettably agreed to.

Being my son’s childcare teacher and my son’s mum’s friend, I didn’t expect any of this fuckery. She knew she had to see me at this wedding months and months ago, it boggles my mind why she’d handle things so poorly. But I also don’t know how aware she is of herself and there’s a lot of fear involved. The whole time we were seeing each other it was like two scared people hanging out, I was just braver (which wasn’t easy) and what turns out too open and trusting. I tried to be more secure and this is what I got, although I wasn’t aware of the attachment stuff til after. I’m angry about the treatment I’ve received, but I do understand it’s fear based and not malicious. Tell my attachment system and my activated mind that though.

So the way I see this situation is, she’s running from her past (me) and there’s a lot of shame for her there, because I know in the light of day she’d know a lot of her behaviors were unacceptable. Knowing she has to see me is forcing her to face the music. My son’s mum saw how badly she treated me and was actually pointing a lot of it out while I was still in denial. She knows how how upset I was about everything that happened. But, it seems my sons Mum and ex have decided to do what’s best for themselves and both disregarded my feelings. My ex has a buffer so she doesn’t have to really face me, my son’s mum thinks by this guy coming there will be no dramas at her wedding. She told me she’s spoken to this new guy she told him to be nice to me, the whole thing is humiliating.

So they both get what they want and I get the emotional torture and disrespect, my feelings don’t seem to matter. My son’s mum has taken a side, even though she said she hasn’t.. But I also haven’t voiced my opinion on the situation to my ex. There’s gonna be 30 people at this wedding tops, in a small backyard. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I’ve been backed in to a corner and besides my son I’m not gonna have a lot of support.

Also juniper I do know underneath all this I am making progress and when the dust settles after this agonizing road block I’ll be able to see things a lot clearer and have a concise path to healing. I just need to try to navigate myself through this situation the best way I can for my son and myself without too much pain or drama. I wish I saw a clear pathway through it, it’s very overwhelming. I’m in Japan, I climbed mt Fuji yesterday, on a jet train on the way to Hiroshima and I’m paralyzed that the wedding is only 12 days away and I don’t have the answers within myself that I need yet. I’m dreading going home.

brokenbiscuit are you British or Australian?

dammit, it's a little outside of my time zone, and the only australian here (i think, am i wrong?) is mrob.

now there's a twist.
😂😜

take that wedding by storm! 
just kidding and no offense intended, i don't have a filter sometimes (surprise, i know i know 😑😬)

Hahaha well it is a gay wedding, my son’s mum is marrying a girl and she’s lovely. I am not inclined that way, but if mrob wants some free drinks we can get matching suits 😂

🕺🏻🕺🏻🍾🍾

Just stalked her Facebook and she’s already in a relationship with this dude.. What. The. Fuck.