Stepping away from the dance and regaining self respect

If you’re in the West, let’s suit up. That would be too funny. Can you imagine? “How do you know each other?” Lol!!

So she’s a dick for acting out in her insecure attachment? In that case, that must mean we’re all dicks. Come on.

mrob , it was jacobsladder that said
"some of her behavior was absurdly disrespectful, and that goes beyond push/pull strategies."

i think i understand that he is FA and his ex is FA? so i validated something he felt was going on BEYOND attachment strategies.

And he did find it helpful to stop romanticizing.

the pattern i refer to for her, is a pattern of abuse, which is separate from a pattern of attachment acting out.

i understand; and it is very rare that i say something like that about someone's ex. my posts show that, i am consistent about posters examining their own stuff.

what i have found about jacobsladder is that he reveals more as time goes on, and seems very self aware.
at some point i read he is FA, and his ex is FA, My understanding of that (which became a premise for my perspective, although i didn't keep her attachment style in mind) is that being FA himself (if i am correct?) he would have a very good grasp of what lies out of bounds with push pull or FA behavior.

there are a lot of posts on the forum i engage with and can't remember everything but i think he said that he is fa and was triggered heavily into AP.

As always, i was responding to the OP with a perspective gained through their posting and in this case, i trusted FA to know FA and not exaggerate or misinterpret. Especially since he is focused on healing his own attachment wounds.

There are other posters who reveal behaviors way outside of their DA partners attachment style, and when limited to only trying to understand things taking into account DA behaviors, they miss the forest for the trees and minimize abuse.

It was simply language suited to our interaction, which has been compassionate to his situation. I have been compassionate to posters of all styles and obviously don't view us all as dicks.

There is behavior that lies outside of the range of attachment and in the realms of pathology dickishness. As a DA, i myself am clear where that boundary lies with fellow DA, and post on jacobsladders thread with an established frame of mind that as FA, he understands what lies outside the bounds of FA behavior. I have no grasp on that as i try to understand FA and don't view FA as any worse than AP ir DA.

It's a custom remark for a custom situation, that i have taken the time to try to understand and support OP in a way that i felt could be helpful, didn't mean to offend you mrob and i regret that i have.

Haha it would be classic, unfortunately I’m in Adelaide.

i'm so sorry, and i understand.  it's humiliating stuff and very damaging.
i hope we can be of good support.