Post by ocarina on Apr 6, 2019 10:06:01 GMT
I'm posting here because I am beginning to feel pretty secure (and test ) in my life in general - I haven't been in a romantic relationship recently so maybe this will change in the future, but I have worked hard to get here and to accept and make changes to my DA behaviour which characterised so many of my early interactions. I have great and close friendships which have been really useful as a model for intimate relationships and I no longer want to settle for a partner who is not able or willing to meet me half way.
The problem of the moment is that the couple of men in my life - and this has been a consistent pattern, seem to love me for how I make them feel - they are fun to be around, very handsome, intellectually stimulating etc etc BUT I don't feel the kind of sense of caring that I know that I need and want in a relationship nowadays. I don't feel they are there for me through thick and thin - more that because I look good and behave towards them in a way that makes them feel good - they come back for more. I am not a caretaker - and am not trying to control them to behave in a certain way just observing the pattern.
I've been unwell for the last few days and despite being Mrs Uber independent I now recognise I want a life partner who asks after me, who cares and is willing and able to express that. I'm a good listener which I think makes me attractive to a certain type of man - but I need this care and attention in return and these men often don't seem to be able to do this. I am fed up with men who don't ask about me - not even a simple how are you but instead launch into their own stuff and I listen with presence - but this isn't ever reciprocated. I feel lousy and I'd like a partner who might offer to come round and make a cup of tea - instead I have admirers who want me when I'm better.
Not sure there's a solution - and these guys are my friends - unsure at the moment if I should move away from friendships like this in order to make room for something more sustainable should this appear - I'm not being hurt by these people because I have strong emotional and physical boundaries, but I wonder if I am enabling their and my own avoidance by just hanging in there and keeping myself in some kind of holding pattern.
Not sure there's an answer but thoughts are all welcome and for me it's good to air these feelings. Thanks.