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Post by mrob on Oct 28, 2019 16:23:30 GMT
That’s not quite what I meant, stu. All those things are true. Effective communication has to happen. My point is that it is without this overwhelming need for others, as in dismissives and to an extent secures, it’s straight forward. For FAs and APs, it can be immobilising. I suppose I’m asking for a little empathy. I get what you're saying, but we all contribute from our attachment style. Case in point, I didn't call you out to ask for empathy when you told caroline that you'd have a problem with the phrase "I miss you" over text after two months of texting only. Where is the empathy of an FA for the person they are engaging? What kind of communication can't include "I miss you" with out being unfair to the person who misses? That's tippy toeing, In my honest opinion, if a person cannot say they miss you without engulfing you. This isn't a personal attack- it's an acknowledgment of how everyone here is posting from their attachment style and a lack of empathy (supposed) shows up in many ways. I'm supportive of OP getting her authentic communication online with this guy as she and I agreed on yesterday. The article author acknowledges the nuances of approaching it. I've shared attachment information far and wide with friends, family, partner, knowing what the information has unlocked and done for me and my relationships. It's been widely recognized by people around me as a wonderful source of understanding and inspiration. It's not been ill received at all. And, is she has diagnosed him internally as FA, I also think it's fair for him to know that because her interactions are based on that understanding. I'm not telling her to slam him. But this is information widely available on the net. There are sources of compassionate info, Like from Diane Poole Heller or the author of the article. The other points I'm making refer to the last thread OP and I engaged in. @inmourning, As a DA, one of the things you have going for you is consistency. Us FAs don’t have that luxury. I’ve been triggered avoidant to the point of ghosting, then anxious and having to come here to soothe. Empathy wasn’t the best word I could have used, and I’m sorry. What I was trying to get across was that some things that are really obvious and easier for you to do because of your DA attachment style, isn’t so easy for those involved in the FA/AP dynamics quite often found here. I’m not having a go at all, and am happy to be called out. That’s where growth comes from. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2019 16:35:33 GMT
mrob I get what you're saying, but we all contribute from our attachment style. Case in point, I didn't call you out to ask for empathy when you told caroline that you'd have a problem with the phrase "I miss you" over text after two months of texting only. Where is the empathy of an FA for the person they are engaging? What kind of communication can't include "I miss you" with out being unfair to the person who misses? That's tippy toeing, In my honest opinion, if a person cannot say they miss you without engulfing you. This isn't a personal attack- it's an acknowledgment of how everyone here is posting from their attachment style and a lack of empathy (supposed) shows up in many ways. I'm supportive of OP getting her authentic communication online with this guy as she and I agreed on yesterday. The article author acknowledges the nuances of approaching it. I've shared attachment information far and wide with friends, family, partner, knowing what the information has unlocked and done for me and my relationships. It's been widely recognized by people around me as a wonderful source of understanding and inspiration. It's not been ill received at all. And, is she has diagnosed him internally as FA, I also think it's fair for him to know that because her interactions are based on that understanding. I'm not telling her to slam him. But this is information widely available on the net. There are sources of compassionate info, Like from Diane Poole Heller or the author of the article. The other points I'm making refer to the last thread OP and I engaged in. @inmourning , As a DA, one of the things you have going for you is consistency. Us FAs don’t have that luxury. I’ve been triggered avoidant to the point of ghosting, then anxious and having to come here to soothe. Empathy wasn’t the best word I could have used, and I’m sorry. What I was trying to get across was that some things that are really obvious and easier for you to do because of your DA attachment style, isn’t so easy for those involved in the FA/AP dynamics quite often found here. I’m not having a go at all, and am happy to be called out. That’s where growth comes from. I appreciate the feedback, I understand. However, I think it's fair to say that everyone here is offering their perspective, and a challenging perspective does not assume that everyone has to do things one way or another- it's a perspective. People are weighing in all over the place on this board, with their own experiences and points of view. Mine stands out as a DA, and I certainly recognize differences in capacities between the styles. Here, I'm addressing a person who self-identifies as secure, and denies AP or FA style except some anxiety triggered by an avoidant partner. I am not aware of addressing an AP poster on this thread, I'm addressing someone who identifies as secure. |
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