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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2019 4:22:29 GMT
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Or do.... 😆 |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2019 16:15:55 GMT
But before you go, see if you can benefit from this helpful video: youtu.be/gF_k-cuCC1gAs I see it, OP's tone and content is exactly as this therapist describes narcissist playing the victim card on this thread. His advice? To not go into debate, arguing,, justifying, trying to make (OP marc) happy by picking up their anger and trying to prove anything to them. That's been the choice of several here- well done, in my opinion. |
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Post by annieb on Dec 12, 2019 19:08:21 GMT
In my experience they are not the same at all. One is a personality disorder and one is an attachment issue. A narcissist (the NPD type) has a complete lack of awareness and thus can’t be counselled nor remedied as far as statistics go. Insecure attachment can be addressed and is intensified/muted based on who they are relating to. A narc is always a narc and require a co dependant to thrive. Sure there is a spectrum of all things but narcs are destructive whereas avoidants are dysfunctional. Well said! Many good points here. Agreed, not all dismissive avoidants are narcs, but all narcs are dismissive avoidants. |
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Post by omega14 on Dec 12, 2019 19:28:33 GMT
annieb, interesting! So my ex husband has NPD and he wasn’t avoidant but anxious. It completely triggered avoidant tendencies I didn’t know I had and later resolved to the fact that I have 1 or possibly 2 narcissistic parents. He just felt like home and the attention and admiration and all the stuff he gave was intoxicating until it was suffocating and ultimately destructive to my core being. They are masterful and so unaware of the deep pain they have within that it’s reality as they see it not as it is. With an avoidant I found the awareness is there that they have some loose screws. That they have affect and that they fundamentally sabotage themselves in relationships. I’m not sure if my ex is an atypical case or not.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2019 19:46:55 GMT
Well said! Many good points here. Agreed, not all dismissive avoidants are narcs, but all narcs are dismissive avoidants. I know a diagnosed narc with anxious attachment. There are different kinds of narcissists, various forms of manifestation. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2019 19:49:56 GMT
annieb , interesting! So my ex husband has NPD and he wasn’t avoidant but anxious. It completely triggered avoidant tendencies I didn’t know I had and later resolved to the fact that I have 1 or possibly 2 narcissistic parents. He just felt like home and the attention and admiration and all the stuff he gave was intoxicating until it was suffocating and ultimately destructive to my core being. They are masterful and so unaware of the deep pain they have within that it’s reality as they see it not as it is. With an avoidant I found the awareness is there that they have some loose screws. That they have affect and that they fundamentally sabotage themselves in relationships. I’m not sure if my ex is an atypical case or not. The narc I know with anxious attachment has NO awareness or admission of his disorder even though he has been diagnosed, clinically. He thinks the clinician is a quack. He's extremely destructive and sounds exactly like the OP in this thread! That's why I posted the video, it's striking. No awareness, zero. It's everybody else that's sick. |
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Post by omega14 on Dec 12, 2019 21:22:41 GMT
annieb , interesting! So my ex husband has NPD and he wasn’t avoidant but anxious. It completely triggered avoidant tendencies I didn’t know I had and later resolved to the fact that I have 1 or possibly 2 narcissistic parents. He just felt like home and the attention and admiration and all the stuff he gave was intoxicating until it was suffocating and ultimately destructive to my core being. They are masterful and so unaware of the deep pain they have within that it’s reality as they see it not as it is. With an avoidant I found the awareness is there that they have some loose screws. That they have affect and that they fundamentally sabotage themselves in relationships. I’m not sure if my ex is an atypical case or not. The narc I know with anxious attachment has NO awareness or admission of his disorder even though he has been diagnosed, clinically. He thinks the clinician is a quack. He's extremely destructive and sounds exactly like the OP in this thread! That's why I posted the video, it's striking. No awareness, zero. It's everybody else that's sick. |
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Post by omega14 on Dec 12, 2019 21:29:17 GMT
Can someone DM pls on how to quote and reply at the same time from a phone? I’m just not getting it!
Yes so I had our mediator, multiple lawyers and my therapist flat out tell me there is no resolution with a narcissist and that I have to find ways to make the best of the situation bc he will never change. He now has a gf who he glorifies but still uses me as a mechanism for his angst. There is zero awareness of his behaviours even when brought up in mediation he will just ignore the evidence and gaslight was a way of avoiding accountability. The more I refer to the evidence the angrier he gets and that doesn’t stop until I’m crying - so being ‘right’ is completely useless with a narc. They lack empathy.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2019 21:59:48 GMT
Can someone DM pls on how to quote and reply at the same time from a phone? I’m just not getting it! Yes so I had our mediator, multiple lawyers and my therapist flat out tell me there is no resolution with a narcissist and that I have to find ways to make the best of the situation bc he will never change. He now has a gf who he glorifies but still uses me as a mechanism for his angst. There is zero awareness of his behaviours even when brought up in mediation he will just ignore the evidence and gaslight was a way of avoiding accountability. The more I refer to the evidence the angrier he gets and that doesn’t stop until I’m crying - so being ‘right’ is completely useless with a narc. They lack empathy. Dr. Les Carter on youtube has EXCELLENT videos on how to interact with a narc. He's so level and empowering. I highly recommend watching and heeding his advice to avoid handing all your power over. Not that you're not in a tough spot going through this with a narc. But knowing what you know, there are ways to avoid engaging then in their game. My bff is co-parenting with a narc for many years, and as her girl goes through her teen years it's gotten ugly and super manipulative. She's benefiting from the advice from Dr. Carter too. I don't have to deal with a narc closely anymore, but I like his stuff anyway. Never know when you'll run into one again, but when you know what to look for it's crazy how you can just watch them sit and spin and try to drag you in. Don't go there. |
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Post by omega14 on Dec 14, 2019 3:13:47 GMT
Can someone DM pls on how to quote and reply at the same time from a phone? I’m just not getting it! Yes so I had our mediator, multiple lawyers and my therapist flat out tell me there is no resolution with a narcissist and that I have to find ways to make the best of the situation bc he will never change. He now has a gf who he glorifies but still uses me as a mechanism for his angst. There is zero awareness of his behaviours even when brought up in mediation he will just ignore the evidence and gaslight was a way of avoiding accountability. The more I refer to the evidence the angrier he gets and that doesn’t stop until I’m crying - so being ‘right’ is completely useless with a narc. They lack empathy. Dr. Les Carter on youtube has EXCELLENT videos on how to interact with a narc. He's so level and empowering. I highly recommend watching and heeding his advice to avoid handing all your power over. Not that you're not in a tough spot going through this with a narc. But knowing what you know, there are ways to avoid engaging then in their game. My bff is co-parenting with a narc for many years, and as her girl goes through her teen years it's gotten ugly and super manipulative. She's benefiting from the advice from Dr. Carter too. I don't have to deal with a narc closely anymore, but I like his stuff anyway. Never know when you'll run into one again, but when you know what to look for it's crazy how you can just watch them sit and spin and try to drag you in. Don't go there. Thanks for sharing! This guy is great - I love how he delivers the info. I had a psychoanalyst help me though the separation, divorce and co parenting. Three years later and I am still learning new tools and how to avoid traps. In some ways I believe I have adapted avoidant tactics in the sense that I have developed an armour that serves as protection and helps me keep a distance. There is no vulnerability with the narc in person. At a distance I don’t hate him, nor regret our relationship, nor have bitterness and look back at our memories lovingly. But once were interacting, I have learned to shut all that off. I look forward to watching more of Dr. Les |
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