Tips to create a long lasting juicy relationship Apr 24, 2021 7:53:30 GMT
Post by anne12 on Apr 24, 2021 7:53:30 GMT
The Mental Load: Managing a Burden You Can’t Actually See
"Anyone can find themselves carrying the mental load in a relationship, regardless of gender." - but....
having to ask a partner for help (Does a refrain of “Just tell me if you need me!” or “Let me know if I can help!” sound familiar?)
giving reminders to schedule bill payments or handle other essential tasks
needing to offer praise or pats on the back for handling necessary chores around the house
keeping track of parenting-related daily details, including after-school plans, permission slips, library book due dates, or pediatrician appointments
checking in on kids’ physical and emotional needs
making to-do lists, grocery lists, or chore charts
purchasing and wrapping gifts for friends and loved ones
scheduling date nights, vacations, and visits to family or friends
lacking the time to pursue leisure activities when your partner does have time to relax
Facing an upcoming deadline for an important work project, you ask your partner to quietly entertain the kids for a few hours.
When you take a break for lunch, you leave your office to find the kitchen counter and table covered with dirty mixing bowls, utensils, and baking ingredients and the sink full of dishes.
When you ask about the mess, they say, “Oh, you need me to clean up, too?”
You ask your partner, “Could you please clean up after dinner while I run to the store?” They agree.
You return to see the remnants of dinner still lying on the table, with one difference: Their dishes are now in the dishwasher.
You mention the still-uncleared table, and they say, “Oh, I thought you meant put my dishes away. You should have told me you meant the whole table.”
Using the last of something
While making breakfast, your partner finishes off the milk and all but one egg. They put the cartons back into the refrigerator without mentioning these ingredients are almost gone or adding them to the shopping list on the fridge.
The next day, when you to make dinner, you find yourself without necessary ingredients.
Does it only apply to women?
Anyone can find themselves carrying the mental load in a relationship, regardless of gender.
Men who grew up in households with one parent or without traditional gender roles might carry more of a load in their adult relationships, particularly if they had to take on responsibilities or care for siblings.
Some parents assign specific chores without encouraging kids (of any gender) to consider other elements of household management, such as paying bills, scheduling appointments, making a budget, or filing important documents.
These kids might then grow up willing to take on delegated chores and responsibilities, but without any underlying initiative to look around, see what needs to be done, and get started on it.
They might also assume things will get handled, because they always have, with or without any effort on their part.
Research suggests, though, that it’s usually women who find themselves overburdened:
A 2019 study of 35 heterosexual couples found that the women in the relationships tend to take on more of the cognitive labor. They found this particularly true when it came to anticipating the needs of others and monitoring progress.
According to a 2019 study of nearly 400 married or partnered mothers in the United States, nearly 65 percent were employed. But 88 percent also reported they primarily managed routines at home and 76 percent said they were mostly responsible for maintaining regular household standards and order.
Same-gender couples, however, tend to share household responsibilities more equally. They do so by dividing tasks up based on things like preference and work hours, according to a 2015 report.