Money talk
Be as open and honest as possible It is best to start honestly from the beginning of your relationship and tell about your personal finances as early as possible (if you initially kept quiet about being in debt, or were not completely honest, you now have the chance to go quiet and calmly into the subject). In addition to your current situation, you and your partner should also talk about how you relate to money:
What did your parents teach you about money?
What did they set as a good example?
How did you feel about money as a child?
Feel free to talk about money often - without discussing Brianna McGurran from the finance site NerdWallet advises talking about money "as often as you talk about more everyday things, to make it less scary". You can avert the feeling of stress that many people get when talking about money, by keeping a calm voice, being relaxed and also using humor when talking to your better half about the subject.
Arrange regular "dates" for money talk Leaving money issues hanging in the air without clarifying them can really hurt your relationship. Make a firm agreement to talk about money on a weekly money "date". Even if your finances are not at their peak, finding a common solution to the problem can bring you closer together as a couple. As Maria Teresa Hart writes in the New York Times: "It can strengthen your bond to deal with things like student debt together, and by arranging money dates on certain evenings, you get the opportunity to go to deal with it together."
It's teamwork If you live with your partner, it would be logical to agree on a system for managing your money together. If you have joint savings and investments, you should take turns managing your pension schemes and also keeping accounts on a daily basis and managing your cash. And if it does not work for you to take each of your shifts, both parties should at least be completely clear about what is going on, so you both are involved in deciding, regardless of your respective income.
Talk about your values and what money means to you "Once you have clarified your values, your personal financial decisions become easier," says David Bach, author of the book Smart Couples Finish Rich. Money is more than just the dollars and cents we use to buy things for; they also represent our dreams, our desires and our view of ourselves. If you are going to resolve your disagreements, it is crucial to understand and respect the psychology behind your partner's relationship with money, and it is important to understand yourself in order to be honest with your partner.
Set common goals Talk to your partner about what is important to both of you, and then make a plan for how you will reach your goal. Do you want to save up to buy a home? To pay for your child's education? To take on a six-week culinary tour of Italy? If you need to tighten your belt, it makes more sense for you to deal with it together.
Do not get 100 percent. joint finances You should keep your own bank account and credit card so you have your own financial identity and creditworthiness (and this may sound trivial, but it's also nice that your gift purchases to each other do not come from the same account). In addition, when it comes to the question of having a common economy or not, all couples are different; do what works for you and your partner when you have had plenty of time to talk about it.
Set a budget This sounds pretty simple, but it really helps. A written budget reduces any uncertainty about your personal finances and removes the stress that can be associated with not knowing exactly where you stand and what you can afford each month. It also means that you and your partner avoid quarrels, which are based on loose assumptions and quick mental calculation, so you are content to relate to solid facts.
Make room in the budget for fun Do not make the budget so tight that you will become mad if your partner buys something out of sheer vanity or carelessness - we all do at times. Give yourself room to let go a little, as you are then less likely to scold in addition to your partner's accident when you have "behaved" nicely. And remember: Money is not morality. But on the other hand: If you find it easy to spend money, you should work a little harder to remember to show respect for your partner and not exceed the amount of "fun" you have agreed on.
Are you arguing? Write a "money letter" to your partner If you are arguing with your partner about money without getting anywhere, a 2014 article from The Guardian contains this advice from financial advisor Joel Redmond: “Write down how you view money, what you have learned about money from your parents, and how your relationship with money has developed, and then give each other your letters when you have calmed down”
Quarrels over money do not make your relationship doomed If you think every time you've had a conflict over money in your relationship that you and your partner might basically just not belong together, stop. If there is true love in your relationship, and you handle all disagreements with respect, no matter how unpleasant they may be, the lack of agreement is not necessarily a bad omen. Once you stop considering money laundering as the end of the world, you will actually be able to handle the situation in a more calm and rational way.
A good piece of advice for dealing with money disputes more effectively is to stop blaming your partner and take responsibility for what you have brought into the conflict. Do you think that you have been perfect in every way? If you always stick to the budget but condemn your partner for spending too much or committing blunders, your hostile attitude may influence your better half to unknowingly refuse to change behavior. And if it's you who exceeds the budget each month, you should face the fact that you're hurting your family's ability to have solid personal finances.
Do not lie about your consumption Have you ever hidden a purchase from your partner or understated what you put on a poker game? This is what some financial advisers call "financial infidelity", and it can quickly undermine your trust. Be honest with your partner and make a wholehearted effort to regain the trust that has been lost
Be prepared for ups and downs Make plans for what you do if one of you suddenly gets some money or an unexpected expense arises. Ask yourself questions such as: Where is a share of a bonus to be deposited on your savings? And what conditions can cause you to have to withdraw money from a savings account ahead of time? (Hint: You should have an emergency fund to avoid that kind of thing)
Do not get into debt over the wedding If you can not afford to pay in cash for your wedding expenses, then lower your ambitions. Limit the number of guests or find other ways to make the wedding a little cheaper, but for God's sake do not start your marriage with an overdraft.
Use an app to track your shared finances By using an app that automatically retrieves transactions from your bank and credit card, you can keep an eye out for too many naughty visits to coffee shops, and it can help both you and your partner to stay more on the mat in in relation to your agreed budget.
Put everything in order and create some good habits Pay your bills together every month, and on that occasion also check your credit rating. If it's time to file tax returns, pour some wine and help each other fill out the forms while you listen to music you both love. Make spreadsheets together so you can both follow the family's growing net worth. And above all, focus on creating some routines and habits that keep you on the right course.
Get a handle on all kinds of addictions Sometimes a slightly too loose desire to shop can be a symptom of a deeper problem. If compulsive shopping, gambling or other forms of addiction create problems for you or your better half, you should seek help from a psychotherapist or addiction therapist
Show compassion and respect If you quarrel, you should avoid criticizing your partner with words like "irresponsible" or go on the defensive and let your anger control the conversation. Instead, do as therapist Megan Ford suggests: "Work on understanding as a means of reducing conflict."
Talk to a therapist or financial advisor If you keep arguing about money, it may be a good idea to get outside help. A financial advisor, a pastor or a therapist can be a useful support to work on strengthening your relationship and be common to build your finances.
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