Post by lonewolf on Jun 28, 2020 1:04:25 GMT
I wanted to make a post to introduce myself and ask a question. I am Fearful Avoidant based from the test and also the description fits. I have read Jeb's book and enjoyed it after discovering about attachment injury from my relationship with a DA. ITT I'll describe my ideal dynamic and feel free to feedback or describe yours:
I recently started dating again after a six month break and I am thrown off by how extreme everything feels. Men are either so interested in me that they joke about proposing on the first date or are flippant and dismissive making no effort to maintain the connection. I would really like to find that middle ground with someone that I am attracted to! Does it exist?
Not bragging, but men tend to really like me on a first date. The problem is I can't match this level of excitement. In the back of my mind are thoughts I couldn't bear to share with the poor guy, like how he's not the only bloke to behave this effusively or offer me crazy things like a house or a vacation within an hour of meeting me. It's too intense and I question the person's general judgement. I'm hoping other FAs/DAs can relate to this feeling.
On the other hand, I am way more attracted to men who are more laid back and even dismissive. They are intriguing and I feel far more feminine with a guy when I feel like he is in control of the situation. I kind of like it if I have to win him over a little bit by showing him skills I have or things I can do. My problem is the men I've met in this group make no effort; after an amazing first date he won't initiate. I will do so a few times so as not to play games but it fizzles out when I stop chasing. I'm conscious of the first dynamic and don't want to be on either side of it.
I think my ideal relationship would be someone from the second group putting in about half the effort of someone from the first group. I want to feel challenged but not like I'm scaling a vertical wall. I'd like someone who appreciates and understands my need for space as well as the occasional benefits of companionship we can bring to each other!