Confused, lost and hurt Feb 5, 2021 4:31:02 GMT
Post by dullboat123 on Feb 5, 2021 4:31:02 GMT
dullboat123 , have you ever actually taken an attachment assessment? This test is helpful: dianepooleheller.com/attachment-test/
Results about 60%+ secure are secure. Results that are under 60% secure with the biggest portion of the rest in AP are AP, or the biggest portion of the rest in DA are DA. Results that are showing each attachment styles in quarters (all four styles come up around 25%) are FA.
I'm very, very sorry you endured a long relationship with a narcissist. Being in a romantic relationship with someone with NPD is full of abuse and can easily make you lose yourself. However, being secure does not mean staying with someone abusive for a long time trying to make it work. It means having healthy boundaries (which NPD folks do not have or respect in others), being comfortable both being independent and interdependent, trusting both self and trusting others (who demonstrate they are trustworthy and consistent, but not assuming ill of someone until they give reason), and having good coping mechanisms for stress that allow you to fully process emotions over time instead of getting stuck. That's not what you're describing with a marriage to someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In my experience, when someone is drawn to unstable partners (personality disorders, insecure attachment styles), it is generally because one has an insecure attachment style themselves and unstable partners remind us of someone close to us in our childhood and feel familiar, while lighting up attachment wounds of an inner child seeking to replay these dynamics in order to somehow change them.
I did the test. I'm Secure 17 Avoidant/Dismissiv 2 Ambivalent/Anxious 15 Disorganized 5
I'm a fooking mess LOL