Need Help.

annieb are you using a “coming back into calm” rescue kit for your RSD ?

Figured I would give you a ho-hum update. Alexandra was on point that staying in the proximity of the object of my affection/ the man who dumped me:) (well he withdrew and went quiet and I dumped him, but that’s just semantics) will help overcome this relationship. I was hoping to gain insight as to where I end and where he begins and the last couple times we worked together I felt more centered than before. I find this a useful exercise, although it was painful at first.

As far as the coworker - he is acting like he used to, quite affectionate to me, but it doesn’t bother/ confuse me. I see that as his bids for validation and acceptance and I have no problem giving him an approving nod or a kind word, but I do not go out of my way nor do I read into his behavior as actual love for me. Nor do I even think they are “mixed signals”. It’s his fawning basically. I feel like I have clarity and I don’t need to call him out on it.

I haven’t seen him with the other coworker, the lovely young lady, who was always asking him questions and I’d seen them together a lot, and he seemed like he was hitting on her/ enjoyed it. He probably iced her out, now that his “affection” (fawning), is back on me. I don’t know when exactly it dawned on me, that his behavior is not “love”, but it did 😀.

Today I woke up with a strong resolve that I am no longer interested in this man. I had a good therapy session yesterday and all your advice really helped shift my thinking. When I think about my DA exs that I have gotten over, I feel the same way about this man. That I am over him. I don't think I have ever deliberately gotten over somebody, but this time I felt like I had to if I wanted my quality of life back, and lo and behold, it happened, it happened much faster than I expected. I feel centered again. I took an attachment quiz (I always take those, when I feel a shift), and for the first time in a long time I tested Secure with some disorganized and some AP, and no DA. I was leaning DA a few weeks ago, when I was in the throws of this and I find that interesting.

Ugh; guys, I hate that I still have to deal with this, but it is what it is. I haven’t worked too many days with the guy I was involved with, thankfully - scheduling has been in my favor, but every time I have worked with him he has said an sexual innuendo type of comment. Last time I was on a ladder hanging signs and he was on the bottom telling me where to put them and the sign was clearly crooked and he said everything looks great from down there staring at my stomach clearly and making a dubious joke. I said I thought we weren’t going there. He just chuckled.
He also “accidentally” texted me one night. He said he meant to text his cousin. What? In the middle of the night?
I’m disgusted and could have literally kicked him in the face from that ladder. I think next time he does this, I’m going to have to have a talk about boundaries. He will probably deny that anything is inappropriate. Ugh.
Thank you all for letting me vent here.

Thank you! Of course he was on his best behavior tonight. It’s almost like he senses. I won’t see him again for a good two weeks now and I’ll let the text pass as a mistake. If the next time we work together he is inappropriate, I will take action.

You’re right! I couldn’t put my finger on it, why would someone behave this way, but this is how he gets validation. We had many opportunities for an intimate connection when we were spending time together and he essentially rejected me eventually. This behavior is most bizzare.