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Boundarie exercises

Place your right hand out infront of you as if to defend yourself. This gives a sence of "stop, go away, back off". The Words can come later
Now let your left hand come in as if you were making a space of boundarie infront of you. Imagine you are in a protective sfere. Feel around you where your energetic boundaries are. Do this in front of you, to the side, abowe you and behind you.
Get a sence of what This space is like. How does IT feel in your Body ?
Do you notise any sence of empowerment ?
Does one direction feel safer than the others ? If one direction feel less safe you can bring in a competent protector.
Imagine Them of the Edge of your spfere.
See if that helps your spfere expand.

This exercise can bring Up some boundary rupture that you dident know about. This is normal. Try to Say No, leave me alone, stay away. Any Words that comes to you are fine.
You can Say Them out loud or Imagine your competent protector saying Them.
Feel what happens in your Body and in your spfere of safety.
Do you feel stronger, more secure ?
Does the spfere Seem to expand ?
If you get overwhelmed try Them out with someone you trust who can support you, someone who has your back. If you want to you can let the person put a supportive hand on your back
Or get therapy with a somatic (attatchment) practisioner

More boundarie exercises

jebkinnisonforum.com/post/40067/

rykus9 your reactions to yelling can also come from adult relationships with a lot of fighting and intensity. If your partners were FA you probably encountered a lot of destabilizing behavior and threats to your emotional security even if it wasn't threats to your physical security. Yelling doesn't always represent just a threat of aggression, it also represents a threat to belonging, and abandonment and rejection.

It sounds like your mother was DA, and I'm guessing you didn't experience warmth that she didn't have to give as she was in her own survival. But a therapist can help you unpack that relationship better.

One of the questions I was curious about...
How do you feel about deep eye contact? I find that the exercises that had me imaging it the eye gaze from people welcoming me and loving me were too painful to do, and that fact helped me to look at my deep abandonment that I needed to address (as an avoidant I lived to deny that pain, but it was deep and felt like dying). The feeling was so painful because I recognized what I had never had but what I needed very much, to be seen and cherished. That feeling was stronger than my fear of attack, I guess you could say. So there wasn't a lot of active threat response but more of an chronic invisibility and wasting away that I soothed with solitary living, cutting myself off from people). That's what I've learned over the years, that I just didn't have a sense of belonging in the world. You may or may not relate to any of that, maybe all insecures do but the difference is in what we do about that abandonment... do we fight to be seen or do we give up? Do we ward off predators or dissolve into the ground? I think DA dissolve into the ground, FA tear off running or fight like a wildcat, and AP cry and reach out. My take.

I think a main difference between being DA in relationship vs operating as FA in relationship may be a feeling of isolation and discontent in DA vs a feeling of active threat in FA, but I could be wrong. Also, there are clues in how you react to anything that feels like a threat to the relationship- do you withdraw or seek reassurance from the partner. You have a big chuck of DA for sure, and maybe you go both ways with the FA... all these labels really just help to uncover your deepest survival strategies and how they manifest on the daily.

All of that is just a stranger on the internet sharing their own- maybe it helps and a therapist who can read your body language, and get a sense of you in person would be invaluable for helping you understand yourself, without projecting things on you you as can happen with other people who are speaking from their own experiences.

So I thought more about yelling and realized I am only triggered by emotional reaction where I feel misunderstood. So that extreme reaction is only triggered by female partners where as when male people yell and get aggressive I withdraw into my core and become extremely calm and usually get a smug smirking look that further infuriates the aggressor.

I know what you mean about the protective layer now. I can feel it when I'm high stress. If I am sitting especially and people are being aggressive or unpredictable I can feel the energy vary in intensity if the are approaching me from different sides. It presents as a cold encroaching feeling I think I will try the exercises and to be more aware. I also have a lot of issues with anything touching my neck. Thought it might be past life stuff but maybe I just don't recall or am associating wrong.

I think I have strong eye contact. The few people that met my family say I have my mother's eyes. Very cold and piercing. Being from more rural areas I find I make very direct contact to the point in cities it makes people uneasy or attracts/invites pan handlers or others into approaching me.
I've been told my intensity is almost predatory and my stare can make people uneasy where they withdraw a bit or open up a bit usually as a nervous thing.

I think in my partners that my eye contact and initial lack of recognizable emotion start the cycle that FA recognize from their childhood. I find I am always scanning my surroundings, and very aware of any movements or shifts so I am often making direct eye contact with every person in my area to assess the risks. I can see this unsettled some people as I recheck in every few minutes. This is when what I guess now is FA women seem to notice me and even if they never talk to me often they will either try to be closer physically in the space to me of start checking in with me through matching my gaze or focusing on.me more if they are also on alert. Maybe it's a safety thing.

Interesting stuff. So I guess the testing results make sense. Do true DA not have any FA/AP tendencies? When I read the DA stuff I feel most of it is pretty accurate but the FA some stuff does resonate as well. Guess I still lean DA so it is all applicable.
When I initially read it seemed DA was more common... is it just less DA are likely to seek help here on the forums or are there just as many/more FA style? Thought the FA was the rare one?

Everyone is a mix, I have a slice of FA in my pie as a 
DA . I think the amount of problems FA dynamics  cause interpersonally and within the self cause FA to search for help more... i don't actually think FA is rare contrary to the literature .  DA are conditioned to cope alone and don't tend to look for solutions outwardly as much. I think. 

I'm not saying you aren't heavily DA but your dynamic has a lot of FA manifestation in my opinion just based on what you've shared so far. There is more to be revealed in the process for sure!