Post by elizabeth on Jul 26, 2022 22:34:10 GMT
thanks! & yeah, i definitely thought about this. i was joking around with him that now that i am not such a neurotic wreck i hoped he didnt find me boring. he said he doesnt, he said it`s a good thing, but maybe it does feel strange to both of us. it seems to have calmed down quite suddenly so maybe he is wondering how i seemed to be okay so quickly. i dont know why either, but that`s how it seems to be!
i think maybe he feels safe enough to finally start opening up to me, which i feel is a real honour. i truly want to understand how he experiences the relationship and for him to be certain that his feelings and needs are just as important as mine. so far, any issues that have arisen have been the result of me freaking out, which has meant most of the focus has been on me, which i have not liked very much. i hope he understands that the lack of heightened emotion doesnt mean that i love him any less, it actually means i feel able to love him more. i dont think he has been particularly valued in his previous relationships either, which is crazy, because he is such a wonderful man. he always seems to know what to say and do to make me feel better when i am spinning out, and i hope i know what to say and do to reciprocate in the way that he deserves.
its so crazy that i would have said i have been in a few long term relationships, but this actually feels like the first legitimate one, where we can both learn and grow and where i begin to understand what a real relationship actually is, and what people mean when they say it takes work. i know i could not do this with anyone else but him.