Why AP’s are better than DA’s

Here's a quick update for anyone interested... I have come to realize that I haven't had these certain pains in my back and chest that were plaguing me for a few months now since my ex DA ended things. I did however get them once again just recently when I was deleting her photos and thinking about things and letting it get the best of me.

Not sure if this next statement is good news or bad news but, I have come to discover/realize/been made aware that she had several narcissistic traits. And through working with my therapist, I have also finally been able to be brave enough to admit to myself that our relationship's demise wasn't entirely my fault nor were all the problems. I realize saying something like that may sound like a silly thing to say but I'm telling you, I totally believed everything was all my fault and she was the innocent victim of my stupidity and selfishness. I totally believed that I caused all the problems and that she had no part. I really beat myself up over ruining everything after she left me. I wasn't aware until just recently while in therapy that I was becoming so programmed by her to believe all her negative actions and all of the relationship problems stemmed from me. I was so "brainwashed" that I couldn't see the truth. She never took ownership for her part in any of the problems nor did she ever apologize to me. Seriously, she never did. I was always the one who acted wrongly and was the guilty party according to her. And I believed her! She would reprimand me for things such as not acting a certain way, or for making a wrong choice/mistake, or for doing something different in HER house (like putting butter and salt in the rice whereas she never did that before-true story!). She stripped away who I was, little by little. She even used to brag about how she had me trained. I didn't think she meant it literally at the time!

But now... Where I used to think I couldn't live without her, I am finding that I am happy and content to be without her. I am seeing that she was a huge cause of stress for me. I was in a perpetual state of stress for so long that now that I am out of it, I sometimes have to stop and think to myself, why do I feel this strange sense of peace. It's sometimes off-putting.

I can say with near certainty that I wouldn't take her back at this point. I have no interest. She just isn't worth it.