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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 18:17:38 GMT
i’ve not experienced this for quite a long time.
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 8, 2018 18:18:37 GMT
it’s so odd because when i was unaware i did not have sadness in this state. Perhaps, if you can, try to view this in a positive light. This kind of awareness is so rare in so many people, no matter what their attachment style is. While I absolutely hate to hear you in pain, I also see this as a continuation of breaking through and growing... |
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 8, 2018 18:23:26 GMT
Another thought I had, is how much I used to avoid my pain at all costs- I would do ANYTHING to distract myself and not face my truth. Now that I am doing the work, I have never felt so much discomfort and pain, but gradually I noticed my anxiety is decreasing.
Perhaps for you, these darker moments of sadness are little blessings getting you closer to where you need to be...
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 18:26:41 GMT
it’s so odd because when i was unaware i did not have sadness in this state. I'm sorry and I can relate. With more awareness comes more pain/sadness but I also hope greater joy as well. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 18:30:56 GMT
Another thought I had, is how much I used to avoid my pain at all costs- I would do ANYTHING to distract myself and not face my truth. Now that I am doing the work, I have never felt so much discomfort and pain, but gradually I noticed my anxiety is decreasing. Perhaps for you, these darker moments of sadness are little blessings getting you closer to where you need to be... thank you, and i definitely see the value in what i am experiencing right now. i am willing to do this. one thing i know for sure about myself is i am brave emotionally , i have proven that to myself and it saved my life (literally) and i know i can count on both myself and also am able to trust the support i have reached out for ( you all here) and i trust the process, i trust nature and i trust love itself that comes to me in many forms from many sources. its just so sobering. sometimes i write poetry here in this state and that’s been meaningful to the people i have shared it with because i have been able to say things that way that i couldn’t otherwise . abstractly. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 18:43:14 GMT
thank goodness i have just one more client appt and then i can spend the evening with my kids, i am able to stay close with them and snuggle or i might just hold my grandbaby and smile about her.
also i am getting a previously scheduled hair cut this evening so i can just do normal stuff, and i might book a massage for myself after that.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 18:55:09 GMT
i want people to understand that deeply avoidant behavior does not wish to cause any harm.
sometimes there are comorbid conditions that are mean and cruel, i know.
but deeply avoidant behavior means no harm.
i promise.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 19:19:28 GMT
Another thought I had, is how much I used to avoid my pain at all costs- I would do ANYTHING to distract myself and not face my truth. Now that I am doing the work, I have never felt so much discomfort and pain, but gradually I noticed my anxiety is decreasing. Perhaps for you, these darker moments of sadness are little blessings getting you closer to where you need to be... thank you, and i definitely see the value in what i am experiencing right now. i am willing to do this. one thing i know for sure about myself is i am brave emotionally , i have proven that to myself and it saved my life (literally) and i know i can count on both myself and also am able to trust the support i have reached out for ( you all here) and i trust the process, i trust nature and i trust love itself that comes to me in many forms from many sources. its just so sobering. sometimes i write poetry here in this state and that’s been meaningful to the people i have shared it with because i have been able to say things that way that i couldn’t otherwise . abstractly. You are emotionally brave! I still vascillate between wanting complete awareness and keeping the avoidance. When I broke up with my most recent ex, I had flashbacks to my childhood and had a profound sadness I haven't had since I was little. It was brief, only lasted half a day, but I grieved for my lost childhood and my lost relationship. It felt horrible. I know it was my PTSD coming through but it allowed me to really feel the loss. I think I realized for the first time, there will be pain, but I will make it through it, survive and it was actually a release in a way too. Enjoy the time with your children, grandchildren and cherish the joy  |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 8, 2018 19:34:49 GMT
I'm sorry you're in pain tgat. It was generous to share this.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 20:40:21 GMT
everybody, thank you and i got some new insight during my last appointment when i was quietly working.
another client booked last minute and the. i have to drive to get kids.
but i have some things i want to share.
i feel better because the sadness passed but i am still avoidant and still aware.
with new things to say.
i will be back in a little while.
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 8, 2018 23:03:58 GMT
Another thought I had, is how much I used to avoid my pain at all costs- I would do ANYTHING to distract myself and not face my truth. Now that I am doing the work, I have never felt so much discomfort and pain, but gradually I noticed my anxiety is decreasing. Perhaps for you, these darker moments of sadness are little blessings getting you closer to where you need to be... I see this as a significant change. It's my belief that avoidance comes from an inability to deal with the deeper issues because the emotions attached to them are too much to bear. The fact that they're surfacing now, to me, is a sign that you've become strong enough to process them. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 23:22:56 GMT
i have a conflict going on at the moment because i have been appreciating my ex a lot today.
for this reason i feel guilty about trying to meet the nice new person because i am missing my ex right now.
i don’t think that missing my ex triggered the avoidance, i am pretty sure it’s the other way around because he was a real friend to me in that and we shared emotional intimacy, real intimacy.
as many of you know he was also deeply dismissive. we were good for each other in many ways.
i want to share ways we bonded because they were real and i want to validate them today while i feel so disconnected. because these things were emotional firsts for me in a romantic relationship.
some were firsts for him too.
it was little things.
he felt like a fortress for me and i told him so. i felt very good when we were close. quiet close, the quiet closeness that doesn’t need words. first
when he held me at night he reached around me to find both my hands to hold and it was like home. first.
we talked about our inside feelings, even the ones that were confusing and unknowable. we just nodded about those ones. first
we asked each other for help. when we were in a tight spot. he didn’t ask for help as much as showing me he needed it and being receptive when i gave it. first
i can’t continue at the moment because of big feelings. but i do want to share more, more insight about other aspects of this, when i can.
i simply do not feel ready to engage with a new person. ugh. the new person sent a photo meme with no words and i replied “haha” and that bought me more time today 😑
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 23:33:10 GMT
i feel guilty for the new person, for me, and for my ex.
i don’t want to hurt anybody by doing something that’s not healthy and i am not clear on what that is.
in the past i would have already made an excuse and bailed and i would be “all good”
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 23:39:54 GMT
i haven’t gotten thrown this far back into avoidance in a long time, and being here gave me even more compassion and empathy and appreciation for my ex.
so that’s where i am at , at the moment.
a lot of other things are muffled and my brain is full of cotton but i’m clear on missing him.
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 8, 2018 23:45:05 GMT
i feel guilty for the new person, for me, and for my ex. i don’t want to hurt anybody by doing something that’s not healthy and i am not clear on what that is. in the past i would have already made an excuse and bailed and i would be “all good” Hi T, I'm so glad you keep sharing. This is good and the work you continue to do is wonderful, but so hard- i do know. Perhaps you just aren't quite ready to date the new person? You are working through so much and maybe now is not the right time. I don't think its bad to bail in this case, because you would not be doing it to avoid, you are actually doing it to stay present with yourself. What do you think? p.s. normally with my AP tendencies I would already be trying to line up dates to find someone else right away, but this time all I want to do is sit still. I take that as progress! :-) |
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