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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 14:21:46 GMT
i sound grumpy but i am not, just waking up with coffee at the moment. lol. it sounds like i am hitting someone in the face saying "you're lovable, goddammit!" but i am just groggy hahaha. i promise ❤️ I wish this technique would work, haha, it would be so easy! Slightly painful here and there, but not in the long run  i would so punch you in the face if it would make you believe me alpenglow hahaha. but somehow, it doesn't seem like he best way. dammit. 😂 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 14:25:28 GMT
exactly. all the negative self talk should be actively CONFRONTED instead of actively CULTIVATED. when seriously challenged, those excuses and beliefs turn to ash. all the negativity is conditioned and can be re-conditioned but it requires a high degree of self reliance instead of reliance on outside entities. And, between you and me, since we both know this about ourselves, being stubborn as fuck 😂 Refusing to give certain thoughts momentum or to give fears the power to control our lives. Funny how you say it requires self reliance. To me, it requires relying on others first and foremost. Through their support (if you choose the right people to guide you, ofcourse) you can reach a point where you are able to (mostly) stand on your own . Knowing when and how to ask for help after that point is a skill necessary to keep growing and thriving, in my opinion. Completely self reliant, independent or 'self made' people are an impossibility, in my view. not feeling lovable as a whole package makes emotional sense but not logical sense, as well. the definition of love as i know it includes tolerance and forgiveness and understanding and compassion. i heard once, that when the one who is loved is imperfect, it makes the love itself more beautiful. it is easy to love perfection (and no human is perfect). true love, loves imperfection. IT CANNOT BE ANY OTHER WAY. You have experienced true love when you loved another human. they were imperfect. Its all a matter of conditioned fiction. it doesn't stand the test of looking deeply to see what is real. question what hurts because it might be a big fat stupid lie. |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 20, 2018 14:26:19 GMT
No one has actually tried yet, so you could be the first one to test out this new technique, please, feel free |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 20, 2018 14:30:20 GMT
And, between you and me, since we both know this about ourselves, being stubborn as fuck 😂 Refusing to give certain thoughts momentum or to give fears the power to control our lives. Funny how you say it requires self reliance. To me, it requires relying on others first and foremost. Through their support (if you choose the right people to guide you, ofcourse) you can reach a point where you are able to (mostly) stand on your own . Knowing when and how to ask for help after that point is a skill necessary to keep growing and thriving, in my opinion. Completely self reliant, independent or 'self made' people are an impossibility, in my view. not feeling lovable as a whole package makes emotional sense but not logical sense, as well. the definition of love as i know it includes tolerance and forgiveness and understanding and compassion. i heard once, that when the one who is loved is imperfect, it makes the love itself more beautiful. it is easy to love perfection (and no human is perfect). true love, loves imperfection. Then, in order for me to accept and live with the feedback I got from that person I was dating, is to tell myself that I am indeed lovable, but that she couldn't accept my own imperfection of not being confident enough in myself? Truly due to her own limitations. Is a lack of confidence an imperfection like so many others? |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 14:33:21 GMT
not feeling lovable as a whole package makes emotional sense but not logical sense, as well. the definition of love as i know it includes tolerance and forgiveness and understanding and compassion. i heard once, that when the one who is loved is imperfect, it makes the love itself more beautiful. it is easy to love perfection (and no human is perfect). true love, loves imperfection. Then, in order for me to accept and live with the feedback I got from that person I was dating, is to tell myself that I am indeed lovable, but that she couldn't accept my own imperfection of not being confident enough in myself? Truly due to her own limitations. Is a lack of confidence an imperfection like so many others? YES. It can be improved upon, for the food of yourself and others. but it isn't "unlovable". its worthy of love. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 14:35:17 GMT
i think i could easily love someone like you who can admit that they feel unlovable and lacks confidence, alpenglow. i couldn't fix it. but i could love it and give it a safe space to transform. and then i would need someone to love me in that way to transform some of my own imperfection. none of it is unlovable. |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 20, 2018 14:37:41 GMT
true love, loves imperfection. IT CANNOT BE ANY OTHER WAY. You have experienced true love when you loved another human. they were imperfect. Its all a matter of conditioned fiction. it doesn't stand the test of looking deeply to see what is real. question what hurts because it might be a big fat stupid lie. I don't quite understand your last part? I'm not even sure I have experienced true love with another human. Only with my dog! (he's perfect!  ) |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 14:41:48 GMT
true love, loves imperfection. IT CANNOT BE ANY OTHER WAY. You have experienced true love when you loved another human. they were imperfect. Its all a matter of conditioned fiction. it doesn't stand the test of looking deeply to see what is real. question what hurts because it might be a big fat stupid lie. I don't quite understand your last part? I'm not even sure I have experienced true love with another human. Only with my dog! (he's perfect! ) maybe you havent with a romantic partner. but have you ever loved a friend? i loved my hospice patient george with a deep and powerful love and he had tremendously different religious views than i that translated to hate for some groups. he was a fundamentally religious man who was intolerant in some ways. but i loved him completely and vowed to take good care of him as he was dying so he could feel love to the very end. parts of his mentality were "unlovable" i guess, but i loved that man deeply and do still. and i am 1000% certain he loved me the same way. neither of us was perfect at all! and we both knew it. |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 20, 2018 14:42:38 GMT
Then, in order for me to accept and live with the feedback I got from that person I was dating, is to tell myself that I am indeed lovable, but that she couldn't accept my own imperfection of not being confident enough in myself? Truly due to her own limitations. Is a lack of confidence an imperfection like so many others? YES. It can be improved upon, for the food of yourself and others. but it isn't "unlovable". its worthy of love. If I look at it this way, it is truly helpful. Because I seem to equate this imperfection (not being confident) as the precluding condition of everything. My common thought pattern is the following: if not confident enough, then it doesn't matter how good my other qualities may be, because I am automatically disqualified. I see confidence as the most basic thing to have to even have a chance of being lovable, if you understand? Because I am under the impression that no ones looks past a lack of confidence in a potential partner. Hence, my good qualities have no value, they can't be "applied", so to speak. |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 20, 2018 14:45:32 GMT
I don't quite understand your last part? I'm not even sure I have experienced true love with another human. Only with my dog! (he's perfect! ) maybe you havent with a romantic partner. but have you ever loved a friend? i loved my hospice patient george with a deep and powerful love and he had tremendously different religious views than i that translated to hate for some groups. he was a fundamentally religious man who was intolerant in some ways. but i loves him completely and vowed to take good care of him as he was dying so he could feel love to the very end. parts of his mentality were "unlovable" i guess, but i loved that man deeply and do still. This is a beautiful example of unconditional love. You loved him despite some aspects that are not "lovable"/"acceptable" for many. Luckily enough, I have several very good close friends that I love pretty much unconditionally. And they probably feel the same about me. I have a secure attachment style with them. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 14:46:36 GMT
YES. It can be improved upon, for the food of yourself and others. but it isn't "unlovable". its worthy of love. If I look at it this way, it is truly helpful. Because I seem to equate this imperfection (not being confident) as the precluding condition of everything. My common thought pattern is the following: if not confident enough, then it doesn't matter how good my other qualities may be, because I am automatically disqualified. I see confidence as the most basic thing to have to even have a chance of being lovable, if you understand? Because I am under the impression that no ones looks past a lack of confidence in a potential partner. Hence, my good qualities have no value, they can't be "applied", so to speak. yeah, that's incredibly damaging self talk. it effectively halts you from giving your love to others and accepting love. i think it's a way of hiding, but that's just my take. you punch yourself in the face saying you're unlovable but really, you're full of shit. lol. i say that with love. *pow!* 😵😘 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 14:48:33 GMT
maybe you havent with a romantic partner. but have you ever loved a friend? i loved my hospice patient george with a deep and powerful love and he had tremendously different religious views than i that translated to hate for some groups. he was a fundamentally religious man who was intolerant in some ways. but i loves him completely and vowed to take good care of him as he was dying so he could feel love to the very end. parts of his mentality were "unlovable" i guess, but i loved that man deeply and do still. This is a beautiful example of unconditional love. You loved him despite some aspects that are not "lovable"/"acceptable" for many. Luckily enough, I have several very good close friends that I love pretty much unconditionally. And they probably feel the same about me. I have a secure attachment style with them. so just because romantic attachments trigger bull crap thinking in you doesn't mean they are revealing the TRUTH about you. your secure attachments reveal the truth of you. your insecure ones reveal the lies you need to confront and challenge. |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 20, 2018 14:49:53 GMT
don't make it black and white tho jaeger. And in the same way, there has been someone in the past to tie them for you until you learned how. That's what I was saying. I don't think you see it as black and white, but I feel it's important, especially for people struggling, to hear the various shades of gray that your addition added, so thanks for that 👍 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 14:52:50 GMT
don't make it black and white tho jaeger. And in the same way, there has been someone in the past to tie them for you until you learned how. That's what I was saying. I don't think you see it as black and white, but I feel it's important, especially for people struggling, to hear the various shades of gray that your addition added, so thanks for that 👍 an example of why we are all in it together, we all have a light to shine from our perspective and when we all contribute, then it's truly illuminating!  |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 20, 2018 14:56:07 GMT
i think i could easily love someone like you who can admit that they feel unlovable and lacks confidence, alpenglow . i couldn't fix it. but i could love it and give it a safe space to transform. and then i would need someone to love me in that way to transform some of my own imperfection. none of it is unlovable. Warming to hear that there are people like you out there! True, you couldn't fix it. This is exactly what I want. Someone who could see past my lack of confidence just enough to be with me and give me that safe space to transform and work on my issues. Of course it would go boths ways, yes! But wait, didn't you write somewhere that you couldn't stand being with an AP?  (teasing). The person I was dating gave this type of feedback: "I could have easily have fallen in love with the "child", you, and its many qualities, but not the "adult" you, who's still very insecure in many ways. This "adult" you is the one I need to be sexually attracted to, and it wouldn't work with the "child" you only. I might have not felt comfortable showing you my own insecurities because of your own vulnerabilities. This is what I would need in a relationship, the "adult" you to rely on". |
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(teasing).