When you have an ambivalent / anxious attachment style, research shows that you tend to carry an unconscious inner image of yourself in relation to others (a so-called inner work model), which is linked to low selfworth, ie. to the feeling that you're ok, but I'm not ok.
This hidden negative perception of yourself can e.g. cause you to:
- think that your own values and preferences are less important than your partner's. - let your partner decide how you spend evenings, weekends and holidays. - is anxious to stand by yourself when you disagree with your partner. - takes responsibility for your partner's mistakes and thinks that it is especially your fault when you have problems as a couple. - The negative filter on yourself can fill you with ‘victim anger’ and make you criticize your partner and rebel. In that case, you risk being locked in a destructive victim role with power struggles or conflicts that stifle love.
The solution is to create equality in the relationship.
Make room for your values, shape your joint decisions, learn to put yourself through and remember that your partner is also responsible for the problems that arise between you.
By taking these developmental steps, you can transform the feeling of being wrong - and build an ability to stand by yourself and contribute positively to the relationship. Ie. that you can develop an inner belief that you are ok and I am ok.