DA has been "single for decades" Hopeless?

additionally, you expressed there may be a tipping point where your annoyance and pain outweigh the good, but you aren't quite there.

i take this to mean you do have annoyance and pain.
you have a desire to achieve something with him he isn't explicitly offering and seem to have some annoyance.
i do find it selfish to pursue your agenda in spite of what he has expressed about being pressured and rushed by you.

we will have to agree to disagree on that.

i don't know everything about your situation, just what you shared and asked advice on. I'm a DA who cringes when i read stuff like this because it totally minimizes what dismissive attachment is about, imho.

so you were hoping for some insight on that and i offered mine. you are free to disregard it and even block me, that's totally understandable if i made you uncomfortable and i wouldn't take it personally.

it's a diverse community here and we don't always see eye to eye.

best to you.

Welcome to the board....personally I understand the wanting to have some decoder ring to ensure a correct interpretation of another person's world and actions...especially when they do not mirror your own.

To me it sounds like he is keeping things very casual...if you can do casual...great. The issue comes when the deeper desire is to have something more defined...which is something that only you can determine. I personally would not hang onto the whole "let's see where things go" as anything more then saying if you are willing to explore things casually, so is he...he obviously likes you...but all his warning statements are telling you where he stands right now and now is all you have to go on. I wish you well.

Well, first of all my advice was to be clear about her own expectations. And my second advice was yes, to confront him, which is absolutely not an irrational thing to do. Any person should be in clear about their extent of willingness to participate in a relationship if going into dating. For me that is the only responsible way to make romantic contact to a human being, there are too many emotions at stake and too much insecure attachment to solely rely on cues. Mixed cues will result in insecurity in a secure person ("he likes kissing... we both like talking to each other very much.." vs. "i am bad at relationships" etc)
For you, his overall willingness might be clear, but for non-dismissive people they might not. And again, this would rely on cues and not an answer to a simple question:
do you even want to be in a relationship or work towards in being one?
This is not overwhelming and it is definitely not overstepping boundaries if he started dating in the first place. If he has wounds that is not her responsibility, i can't stress this enough.
Dear OP, just trust your instinct of what consists of normal for you. You are the one stepping into a relationship and your needs should matter the most. Don't rely on cues, DAs tend to stay in non-relatioship relationships because the other person is afraid of clearly stating their needs for responsible loving, which in my opinion is the only way love should be.

i'm just saying that once again,
here is a woman who thinks that a man means something other than what he is saying.
She wants to learn his language and he's speaking plain English.
It's the typical chase of an emotionally unavailable man, isn't it?
so rather than focus on understanding him. my opinion is she ought to focus on understanding why she is in an internet forum trying to get some kind of input in a man who she wrote paragraphs about his RESISTANCE.

she had much to say about his intentions- the fact he isn't. done means he isn't done doing whatever he is doing.
he isn't done accepting whatever SHE is offering.

of course she isn't responsible for any wounds he may or may not have.

and he isn't responsible for her thiking he means something other than what he has said.

if she doesn't want to keep it casual, accept what she is being offered, and "she where it goes" and would rather seee if she can learn his language, make him feel "safe" cl, and get a commitment, that's on her, it's the trap, and she is responsible for her part. that's all i'm saying.

and, she apparently has been clear because he feels pressured into a relationship.

so yeah, ok, confront away... that's your advice, and i offered my perspective in contrast to it.

ultimately it's all about opinions, we all have them.
if anyone wants to know what one DA might think about it, well there ya go. it's just an opinion.

Welcome to the AP club. . I was going to add....I have been in a very similiar situation.....where I wanted something more then what he could offer.  I honestly don't know what to suggest because the chemistry is real...it's just that the intentions can be very different.  Be very aware of yourself right now...protect your heart because it is much easier to gain some distance before you get more intimately involved.  Be your own best advocate instead of trying to cater to him.  Also...I can't do casual....I tried to be casual with him...but my desire to have more security would keep creeping back...and he would sense it and it would create a struggle between his wanting less and my wanting more.  In the end, I appreciate the lessons I learned and how it brought me here..but it was an extremely difficult process to go through and now I would not accept that again.

Lots of really great advice here.

I was recently in your shoes, and something I recommend is objective boundaries. Something you can look and determine if you want to continue. Many of the posters her recommend this, but it can be hard to prefect your own heart, especially when you click well with someone, if the standard is more subjective. 

For me, I decided to stick with my relationship with an FA, but set the boundary at wanting her to seek therapy. I encouraged it for months, but eventually she broke up with me.

Because she never met my objective boundary, it’s been easier (still not easy) on me to move on and accept that it’s over for good. 

Set figure out what you want for you and him, write it down, then give yourself an objective way to measure it.