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Post by faithopelove on Feb 4, 2019 16:07:48 GMT
You're welcome. This all reminds me of how I longed and longed for my father. He was unreachable to me. Magical thinking is so powerful, though. Paging Dr. Freud!  My father was estranged since my childhood. I learned he died by Googling. Ancient history and I didn't see that dynamic particularly played out in my long marriage. BUT this DA is a decade older than I am and has a traditional old fashioned masculine quality that feels familiar. As a side note, DA encouraged me to do some research into my estranged father and I purchased a drawing he had done decades ago on Ebay (He was an artist and a ballet dancer.) Owning it is weirdly comforting. So lots to unpack here! Or I can save it for my novel.... You maybe have not read this whole Illiad length thread but I do feel I have come a long way in my understanding of DA, the limits of our connection, my part--and the whole human experience in general. I am at the enjoying the wild animal when he feels safe enough to come out stage--but clearly still studying up on the animal's behavior by hanging out here. Ironically, the wild animal analogy is exactly how I view my DA. It helps me to be patient- I also recognize at a certain point I may walk off alone or with a dependable partner who meets me needs. For now, i stay. My choice |
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Post by faithopelove on Feb 4, 2019 16:14:10 GMT
You're welcome. This all reminds me of how I longed and longed for my father. He was unreachable to me. Magical thinking is so powerful, though. Paging Dr. Freud! My father was estranged since my childhood. I learned he died by Googling. Ancient history and I didn't see that dynamic particularly played out in my long marriage. BUT this DA is a decade older than I am and has a traditional old fashioned masculine quality that feels familiar. As a side note, DA encouraged me to do some research into my estranged father and I purchased a drawing he had done decades ago on Ebay (He was an artist and a ballet dancer.) Owning it is weirdly comforting. So lots to unpack here! Or I can save it for my novel.... You maybe have not read this whole Illiad length thread but I do feel I have come a long way in my understanding of DA, the limits of our connection, my part--and the whole human experience in general. I am at the enjoying the wild animal when he feels safe enough to come out stage--but clearly still studying up on the animal's behavior by hanging out here. I had a severe DA dad. I’m still DA with my parents. I assume having my dad as my father figure built my tolerance for DA treatment. However, my marriage of 25 years was not to a DA. Attachment still played out though as he fulfilled acceptance and security for the first time in my life. At the onset, this current DA was attentive and supportive...I otherwise wouldn’t had made it to date 2 with him. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2019 16:21:33 GMT
You're welcome. This all reminds me of how I longed and longed for my father. He was unreachable to me. Magical thinking is so powerful, though. Paging Dr. Freud! My father was estranged since my childhood. I learned he died by Googling. Ancient history and I didn't see that dynamic particularly played out in my long marriage. BUT this DA is a decade older than I am and has a traditional old fashioned masculine quality that feels familiar. As a side note, DA encouraged me to do some research into my estranged father and I purchased a drawing he had done decades ago on Ebay (He was an artist and a ballet dancer.) Owning it is weirdly comforting. So lots to unpack here! Or I can save it for my novel.... You maybe have not read this whole Illiad length thread but I do feel I have come a long way in my understanding of DA, the limits of our connection, my part--and the whole human experience in general. I am at the enjoying the wild animal when he feels safe enough to come out stage--but clearly still studying up on the animal's behavior by hanging out here. My father was absent from my life except in a very limited capacity, until I was sent to live with him when I was 15 for the "Grand Fantasy Reunion" I had all the hope of a lost daughter, I really believed that he would want to get to know me and love me, in the kind of relationship that I saw my friends enjoying with their fathers. It was a catastrophic failure, and years of discovery and healing have taken place so that I can appreciate our limited connection for what it is, without feeling let down or abandoned. I think I've come a long way also but am still working. I'm generally content but still working out some difficulties. |
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Post by ocarina on Feb 4, 2019 16:33:51 GMT
My father worked away in another continent but came home once or twice a year and we connected - we were very close - and then off he went again and it was very painful. Hmmmm something of a pattern here?!
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My father was estranged since my childhood. I learned he died by Googling. Ancient history and I didn't see that dynamic particularly played out in my long marriage. 
