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Post by dhali on Oct 31, 2019 22:32:26 GMT
No one said your approach is wrong. Life is about making choices and learning from them. Some lessons are harder than others. This one is usually painful - you show people how to treat you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2019 1:32:28 GMT
No one said your approach is wrong. Life is about making choices and learning from them. Some lessons are harder than others. This one is usually painful - you show people how to treat you. It's awesome when that finally clicks isn't it? Whole new ballgame, much better relationships!! Wayyyy less drama. You do show people how to treat you. It becomes easy and appropriate to walk from those who can't or won't meet the standard. Life gets a whole lot simpler, because birds of a feather do flock together and you find yourself surrounded people who naturally fit. |
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Post by happyidiot on Nov 5, 2019 3:37:05 GMT
How do you know what anyone is doing ever? They're going to have to be out of your sight at some point. Anyone could cheat on you any time. My ex who I believe to be AP cheated on me repeatedly. I, an FA, strictly do not cheat and it's perfectly possible to be an FA, even one who severely withdraws at times, and be absolutely against cheating–I know others personally. It's totally possible to have a secure person that you live in the same house with cheat on you. I've known secure men who regularly cheated on their wives for years. In any relationship you are ALWAYS taking the chance that someone could cheat on you. Of course anyone could! But it’s a common distancing technique of FAs to engage other men/women. I'm not sure if the fact that some avoidants cheat as a way of distancing means avoidants are necessarily more likely to cheat than everyone else. In studies of committed relationships/marriages APs were found to cheat the most. Avoidants were more likely to cheat when they were young and casually dating, like in studies of college students. Yes, the anxious part of my brain does worry that an avoidant person will cheat on me when deactivating. But lack of communication doesn't equal cheating and every attachment style is perfectly capable of cheating. We can't turn into those people that have to talk to their partner nonstop just to reassure ourselves that they aren't having sex with anyone else. And... well, what if they do secretly have sex with someone else? What exactly is behind our fear of a partner cheating? |
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