Post by ju on Nov 27, 2019 10:57:34 GMT
Nov 26, 2019 12:31:30 GMT ju said:
Just to update. I got a random message from my ex, a photo of speakers reduced. He remembered I wanted to buy them as an xmas present I assumed. I messaged back saying what a coincidence, as I was just going through our whole conversation from when we first met on a dating app (beating myself up) when the message came through. As I went back to to the app, he had been online and deleted it all. I was absolutely devastated as he knew I was reading it through, so he purposely trying to hurt me? I asked him why he would do that to me and I said how hurtful it was. He replied back saying I had brought this all on myself and I was playing power and control games! I have never felt so hurt. The worst thing is he has gone ice cold and detached and it confirms to me he never felt anything for me. He said I've blamed him but I haven't, I just tried to explain that the pressure from giving so much support to him over the ex girlfriend situation and him going distant made me feel anxious. To be fair I think that even a secure person would have found that experience tough. I know I'm far from perfect and have held my hands up and said if I could take it back, I would. But he was just blunt and cold. I have blocked him, which I don't like doing and feel guilty but I feel like I'm going crazy and I'm struggling to just function right now. I'm still going over and over it in my head.
I think you were right to block him and try to move on. Stay on track. I’d stop reading all past reminders of the good days past and remember how he treats you currently. What are you losing here? When I reread your first post I read a description of a guy that is undependable, unreliable, consumed with his own problems, showing no regard for your feelings, shut down and blaming you for everything. When you say he’s perfect in every other way- there are many important ways that he falls very short. That’s important to notice.
It’s hard temporarily, but you’re better off moving onward and upward. You deserve to love and be loved, too!
I thought it strange. I actually thought it was a positive sign he made contact, but then it soon became conflict. I hate conflict. I don't blame him for anything. I need to address my own insecurities and find a happy place on my own. I shouldn't have said what I said and I need to learn to communicate more efficiently before I reach protest behaviour. I tested him and although I didn't do it to play games or be malicious, he is triggered and see it as game playing and control (his words). I just hope in time we can be friends.