Help! Sorry, very long and detailed.

If I could super like this above, I would.

Addict are you doing any self love work. May I recommend agnes vivarelli self love meditations, I find they are really helping me build my self worth back up after losing so much of me in my last relationship.
I wont to be the bubbly happy go lucky lady I was before and her meditations are really helping get there. Hope you dont mine the suggestion just offering some support xx

Ohhhh honey....it might be the other way around.  Look at his history.  Personal details such as his working on a farm and having few friends...a lot of it just is congruent with being an avoidant.   

You may been somewhere between AP and secure, and his tendencies brought your anxiety out more and more.  I mean, think about it - were you a clingy, demanding, controlling girlfriend?  Or were your needs understandable, normal?  Is it possible his avoidance was patient zero here?  Have you had successful (read: secure) relationships before him?

His avoidance may be the limiting factor here.  It usually is, because the anxious ones are willing to do the work.  

Also, in a normal, healthy relationship, with real love, would he have helped to calm my anxieties, etc? Or maybe I wouldnt have had so much anxiety in a good relationship. I even told him sometimes I just need reassurance that sometimes it felt like he left me hanging on so many things. I think what really brought my AP out was my own fear of rejection after he kept threatening to breakup with me every time we fought and saying "let's try some time apart". Then changing his mind about the time apart.

He also told me often that he didnt think he could date or handle a woman with anxiety. Because he didnt know how to deal with it.

I think he kept coming back because I said relationships take work and you cant just leave. Even though he just wanted out, or something was missing. I was willing to work through things with him. When he left me the final time he sat down and said I wanted to leave you in December, in March, in May, in July, in September (all times we had arguments) and now I'm finally leaving you and want you out of my life forever. You broke and burned me. You have not changed. He would tell me throughout though that my emails and letters were really nice and I really wanted this to work, so he did too. He said he had never been so attracted to someone. He went as far as wanting to send out Christmas cards the first year we were together. So we did. He also told me he had never told a girl he loved her before me. I do know from the one EX I talked to she said she spoke up at the 3 month mark, because it was so superficial and not progressing so she had to ask where the relationship was going. He said he didn't know, that he needed a week off to see if he missed her enough. That's when she said that's not how that works, then he said well that's how I work. Then a week later, he tried calling her and she said no, you will come tell me in person. It was Valentines Day and he brought her a box of chocolates and a card and said he didnt have a spark for her anymore, but wanted to be friends. Lol. She told me she had boundaries, and if I didnt it is probably why he stayed longer with me. But ultimately he seems to have blamed the breakup on me breaking and burning him. Somehow. He couldnt even describe to me how though. I just did I guess. Probably because I opened his eyes to reality a bit.

Interesting, the other night I went out with a old high school teacher of mine that wanted to meet. She knew EXs family because they are from the same small town. She said she was absolutely shocked, as were so many other people that we had broken up. So many people had been talking that EX and I looked so great together, they had never seen him so happy, etc. I must say we did look great together and had EXCELLENT chemistry besides the way we handled conflict. We enjoyed each others interests. I'm sure I was more anxious and wanting him back. Both the other EXs I talk to said no way. And one stayed friends, one didnt. Idk about any other EXs though, because he really didnt seem to have female friends that I knew of.

Anyways, this teacher I went out with was asking me what happened. So I had explained it all to her. She said, wow, that behavior actually doesn't surprise me. She said she has always known him to be a very shy and private person. In school he didnt have many friends and was picked on alot I guess, so she told her son to be extra nice to him since they went to school together. Another one of his HS friends told me he was a loner in school. And a lady I work with, her husband went to school with him and he said EX was an "odd duck". Another lady I worked with went to school with him and said he was an "asshole". Lol. The teacher was also asking me what I thought about his mom. I said she was different. She seemed to really resent me, and anywhere we went, she seemed to try and avoid or stay away from me, unless she couldnt if we went to their house, or she came to ours. Teacher said she agreed she was really odd and thrifty. Then she asked me what their house was like, which made me know she knew something was up. His parents house was dirty, and very hoarded. Teacher said she doesnt think EX had a good life growing up. I knew he resented his mom, because anything he would tell her, she would go tell everyone else she knew. She also kind of treated him like the "daughter she never had" making him go to craft and quilting shows with her, putting him in dance and tap class. I think she really embarrassed him. Anyways, I dont even know how she cooked in the kitchen at their house. And anytime we sat down to eat, they would have to clean off the table or slide the junk out of the way. EX was not like this at all. Far from it. He didnt seem to have much stuff, but what he did have alot of was old I guess. His clothes were ancient lol. They are millionaires, but you would never guess with the way they live. One day teacher had run into his mom and told her "EX is so lucky to have found and be with H, they look so great together. I had her in class in HS and she is the sweetest most caring and loving girl" his mom replied to her with just a "well, we'll see about her" with kind of an attitude I guess. LOL.

She then said that the bank he does part time IT work at, after hours, theres a girl there that he used to have a massive crush on that was married, yet he was always trying to flirt with or pursue her. Even though she was married and had zero interest in EX. I found that really strange.

She said he had always been "socially awkward" trying to fit in, or make new friends. Etc. I ALWAYS included him with my friends and everything we did. Always showed him new things. I tried getting him to step out of his comfort zone a bit and he said he really loved it and all the fun things he did.

In our relationship, he was actually very kind and loving. I guess when he wanted to be, lol. But when he was, it was great. He texted me almost every day telling me he loved me and I was beautiful. Until things started getting rocky for us.

Part of me wonders if what he thought he had with me was actually too good to be true. So he left before I left him since he struggled. Which I NEVER would of left him. Ever. And he always told me how lucky he was to find me because it's hard to find a girl that can appreciate him farming and actually want to help on the farm, like I did. The lady I met with the other night said she thinks his pride might be too much, to ever come back to me. I think I totally agree. Or he would be too scared. Especially since he has blocked me everywhere too. Unless it's just temporary. I dont know. None of his post break up words and actions have made any sense. Oddly though, he lately has been liking a bunch of my families and friends' posts on Facebook. Which is a sudden new behavior. I have tried texting him twice, just two texts in the past month, and I'm still blocked. If he ever came back it would probably be after another failed relationship. I dont know. But he has never tried going back to any of his other exs (the 3 month ones). The one EX I talk to did tell me that she told him one day that she couldnt just be friends with him anymore. Because after they stopped dating he wanted to still be friends. So they did, but she did most of the contact and reaching out anyways. But when she told him she couldn't do the friend thing anymore he got really defensive and laughed and said "well I guess that's your loss then, have a great life". He initially told me he wanted to be friends with me, but then changed his mind and told me never. I think it was all due to the Facebook posts where I said "it hurts to have the love of your life walk out of your life" and "I just want you out of my life... how can the man you loved with your whole world say such hurtful things". Obviously that wasnt good of me to do, but I was really hurt, lost, broken, in shock, etc. Then one of my friends replied "maybe it wasnt you, maybe it was him, he kicked you out so many times, etc, maybe hes the one with issues". One of his friends had messaged me and told me that they are really upset it was really mean and really hurt EXs feelings. Sad thing is so many people told me I was such a blessing in his life and that they had never seen him so happy, but they wont know all the hard work I did to help him get to that too because he didnt have serious relationship experience really either. I had to help him in so many ways.

He supposedly told someone I just have this really big ego. Probably because I freaked out after he broke up with me, begged for him back, posted stuff on facebook, etc. It was totally shocking to me and a complete blow. Teacher told me that when she has seen him around or anything she has heard you never would have known anything happened between us. Hes just going about life like nothing happened or I ever even existed. She said it was strange. He cant empathize at all with what I went through with the break up. And it's really hard on me still.

The being capable of growth part, we always had goals and plans set, but partly seemed superficial. Most of our conversations seemed superficial. Then when we would get closer to our goals... the engagement... he dumped me. Lol. He still wants fun, adventures, kids, and marriage, which is probably why he moved on so quickly too hoping to quickly find someone to meet those goals with. Although he had one. Me.

This is copied from the girl I used to work with...

H, it has taken me literally weeks of thinking about you and your heart break to write this. I dated EX briefly he seemed all so wonderful and fun, then one day out of no where he said we couldn’t date anymore. Because; alas I wasn’t perfect. I took meds that do make me better for anxiety and and a few medical issues. He was blatant and it came out of the blue. He also said he didn’t want to be with me if we didn’t know 100% that I could have kids. Medical issues scared him. I felt like such a broken person. I never had anyone tell me such hurtful things. It would be months later after working on me, BUT for me, that I even agreed to go on a date with my now husband. People everyday tell me how wonderful my husband is, and he is! I’m so grateful to have him. I’m so glad EX turned out to be a huge ass! One day I saw you and EX in hobby lobby I didn’t say anything because just seeing him made me angry. I wanted to tell him how Lucky I was to date an ass like him because Mr. Wonderful Did exist and it wasn’t him. He was talking so mean to you and it took all of me to not come over and say H you deserve more! You are a sweet girl who has NOTHING WRONG with her! You may have some real Herat ache, maybe some other REAL things, but nothing that keeps you from real love. Love is not conditional. Yeah steroids will mess with you. But in a real relationship you talk about these things. He really does need help! He’s controlling over stupid things. He jumps from thing to thing and thinks he’s sooo smart and perfect but he’s not and needs help! Please H just heal you and praise God you got away! are worthy of the world. H please know this hurts now, and what a real ass to do this to you during your hardest month! You have a great group of friends and will rise! DO NOT take anything this hurtful person said to you to heart. I could give you a list of a thousand things HE needs to work on, and I’m sure you’d agree. It doesnt even seem like he is all that close to his family either, another red flag! Heal your heart and open it to real love once you heal. Ask me anything I can always be a good listener or part a few words of wisdom. I write you this because I don’t want to see you write another thing how he is so much better than you, he’s not! He wouldn’t have hurt you if he was. He would have helped you through the hard days not run! I hope this helps you. I pray for you every night!

I feel so at fault because I felt myself crying alot and being alot more emotional in this relationship for some reason.

When he dumped me when I went over to the house to get some stuff he told me that he cant make me happy, that I have to make myself happy before you can be happy with anyone else. Which is true. But I was happy with myself, atleast going into it. One day he also shared something on social media that said "what you choose to put up with in your relationships, is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself". I think he really thinks this is all my fault. The whole reason he thinks I "broke and burned him". He has never apologized for anything or reached out about anything. Probably because in all the post break up emails I did blame it all on myself telling him maybe I did nag, or cry too much, or seem too emotional, or dramatic at times, or maybe didnt give him enough space. I said I guess this was my karma for being a bad partner to you. Which is why he is probably walking away happy and with pride. And why he blocked me everywhere and what will prove he will never come back. Or do they?

The day he dumped me a lady from work came over to the house to be with me and make sure I was OK. He introduced himself to her all nice and friendly and acted like nothing was happening. Also, the day I moved out he said he was very happy, and another lady from work that came over to help me, he tried striking up a friendly conversation with her like nothing was happening.

I dont know what he is all saying to people, if anything, but it seems so odd. Some of his friend have messaged me saying they were sad for us, never seen him so happy, they thought I was good for him, they hope we can work through it, etc. But his family seems super pissed at me. Again, they don't know what I put up with either. I dont think alot of people know the deeper side to him.