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Post by tnr9 on Feb 24, 2020 15:06:18 GMT
When I dont even know what I did for him to finally leave me, other than maybe being a little grumpy sometimes from my steroids, does it seem a little extreme for him to get rid of EVERYTHING including an animal? Everyone keeps telling me I must of really messed up bad somehow (hence why I cant stop blaming this all on myself and I MUST be this bad), or that he's doing it to show his people that I was such a terrible person that he had to go that far with it. He literally just untagged/deleted everything and changed his Facebook all around the day after he dumped me. Like nothing happened and it was no big deal, and I, or our relationship never even existed. People that know him tell me all the time that hes such a nice person, especially when we first started dating, so I feel like somehow I took advantage of this great person. I dont get it. You won’t ever “get it”....it won’t ever make sense to you because it is so very different from how you would handle things. When I was dating a guy who was a narcissist, the things he did made absolutely no sense to me...but I had to realize that I was trying to interpret his actions through how I would do things and, if you understand anything about individuals with NPD, they have very little empathy so they really do not think about how their actions impact others. I think at this point, it is simply best to remind yourself that you did the very best you could with the information you had at the time. Relationships involve 2 people...seldom is a breakup the result of 1 person. |
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Post by lostinlove on Feb 24, 2020 19:28:03 GMT
Part of me is wondering if I have BPD or if its just my AP that caused me to "act out" sometimes because of the anxious-avoidant trap. Especially with so many people saying he's such a great person.
I thought people with NPD usually jump into a new relationship pretty quickly, and he is still out there looking. But it does still seem odd it took him so long to start dating. Almost 39 and still hasnt had anything over 14 months, because of no "spark". But he just started dating for the first time a couple years ago he said.
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Post by serenity on Feb 24, 2020 21:56:55 GMT
Lostinlove, It may help a little to see yourself as fighting an addiction right now. You became addicted to this man, because of the inconsistency, abuse, and drama, which is normal. And its a very difficult addiction to break, its going to take some time  You are suffering from withdrawral...Your mind is swinging all over the place, your brain chemistry is unstable. It can get worse, or better, depending on what you choose to do. All of us are suggesting that you have radio silence with him...that means No more attempts to contact him. No behind the scenes checking up on him via social media, dating sites, or other people. We are suggesting it because its the fastest path to recovery and healing and happiness. It's going to hurt for a while, but the more you face your sadness and grief feelings, instead of stalking your ex, the more you will heal. Don't become a suffocator or stalker. There's no dignity in it, and it will harm you socially and mentally. Your ex asked you not to contact him, and you need to respect that. He can't help you right now, only you can. You will get better, having no contact and reducing reminders of him is your way out of this. Please take care. You can do this. |
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Post by lostinlove on May 13, 2020 2:15:24 GMT
Hey guys, just wanted to give a little update.
First of all, I cant thank everyone enough for all of your feedback, comments, help, support, etc through a very scary and dark moment in my life. I had never experienced anything like this, and honestly it still hurts alot, but...
Back in March I still took my scheduled vacation to Florida. I had lost a ton of weight since EX left me, and chose on my vacation to step out of my comfort zone. I did things that I normally wouldn't do, all positive. I even went to the beach in a bikini, which I never in a million years thought I would do.
Something FINALLY switched in me. People tell me every day how great I look, how happy, cheerful, and positive I am. I bought a boat and am working towards my goals of becoming a pro water skier, I am taking a job promotion at the hospital, I have been working on the COVID unit, helping to care for COVID patients. I am even helping and supporting a friend through a dark moment in their life now.
I finally feel like I've found some purpose and am finding myself again, and the biggest motivation is hearing from other people how great it is to see, and all the compliments I'm getting. Deep down I've always known I'm a good person with true love and intentions. It was sad and hard to let go of EX, but I'm finding peace. I'm finding myself again.
And the best part yet. I havent had to take anymore anti-depressants or had to go to therapy. Although once my therapist opens back up I may go once in a while because I think it will always be beneficial, but I'm not needing it on a regular basis anymore.
Thanks so much again to you all! I hope everyone is staying well and healthy.
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Post by kittygirl on May 14, 2020 0:44:44 GMT
Wow I think this is so inspiring to read! I hope someone else who is in your position has the opportunity to read through this thread and see that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. Imagine the people you may be able to help. Thanks for updating us and way to go!
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sonya
New Member
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Post by sonya on May 15, 2020 15:52:35 GMT
This has been indeed very helpful thread for myself too trying to get over DA, haven't finished the thread yet, but going to. If you questioning still if you were secure, would it be different. My DA is indeed in a long term relationship (over 10 years) with most secure, "boring" and nice stable seeming person. I've always wondered what he sees in her, 'cause quite frankly, she is very boring and nice. He's too scared to finish it and start feeling, so he settles with this person. And cheats her. Many times that I know of and latest, with me many years. And always says that things between wife and him are very good when asked.
I feel so bad for the wife, now that I know. She must be so alone there raising a family, I know this guy is all about hobbies and work and when home, escaping to renovations, so not to be present. Thinking how I at least got away. I wouldn't want to live with a person who needs space from me.
Happy for u lostinlove and thank you for the thread, it has helped a lot <3
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You are suffering from withdrawral...Your mind is swinging all over the place, your brain chemistry is unstable. It can get worse, or better, depending on what you choose to do.