jules
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Posts: 142
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Post by jules on Dec 29, 2019 2:26:29 GMT
So things have been going great with the new guy. I haven't seen him in nearly 2 weeks. The holidays, hes been very sick. Etc.
So apparently he had a "what are we conversation?" without me and has declared hes bot ready for a relationship.
I didnt ask.
Unreal.
He has alot going on, his kid is not going to school/likely depression, he has an impending move. A lot of stress hes also had 10 days off. Hes stated hes in his head and maybe hes just sick. I think hes perhaps scared but he could just not be into me. Duh.
So, leaving that alone and seeing what pans out.
Going great. Shedding all the bullshit before 2020.
I think I'm done dating for a while. This crap stings.
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Post by alexandra on Dec 29, 2019 3:56:33 GMT
I'm sorry, jules . I've also decided to ditch internet dating after a good date wanted to see me again then got "too busy" (with the holidays) to even be in touch. I left the door open if he's telling the truth and will resurface after the holidays, but I'm also of the mindset after not hearing from him in so long that we have very different communication needs if he's okay with not talking to me for a month. So it's for the best to know that upfront and let it go. Or he's just not that into me. Either way, he doesn't owe me anything, but most of my internet dating goes even worse than this so it's not the right platform for me. Hang in there!!! |
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Post by serenity on Dec 29, 2019 4:25:39 GMT
I wish these guys would come with tattoos on their foreheads.
The `best' guy I scoped out online admitted he has schizophrenia , lives at home with his parents (late 30's) , gets `very angry' when he splits, and also has a harem of webcam girlfriends who are `being difficult' and `some are depressed for some reason'. He blew up my email for several weeks when I politely refused to get involved and I had to block him.
I give him credit for being honest. At least I was spared months of trying to figure this out for myself whilst developing an attachment.
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jules
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Post by jules on Dec 29, 2019 8:05:33 GMT
What I dont understand is the constant texting, initiating all of it.
Just silly.
Woke up and cant go back to sleep. ugh
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Post by serenity on Dec 29, 2019 8:14:57 GMT
What I dont understand is the constant texting, initiating all of it. Just silly. Woke up and cant go back to sleep. ugh Hugs Jules, Yes that was the last thing you needed right now, and over the holidays as well  I'm sorry that happened, you could have really used a break this time around. |
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Post by mrob on Dec 29, 2019 11:02:56 GMT
For the record, this isn’t just blokes.
People act in such an incredibly predictable way. Having this attachment stuff in trade and acting on it is like having training wheels.
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Post by dhali on Dec 29, 2019 13:50:53 GMT
How are you feeling about it all?
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Post by nyc718 on Dec 29, 2019 17:42:34 GMT
I'm sorry, jules . I've also decided to ditch internet dating after a good date wanted to see me again then got "too busy" (with the holidays) to even be in touch. I left the door open if he's telling the truth and will resurface after the holidays, but I'm also of the mindset after not hearing from him in so long that we have very different communication needs if he's okay with not talking to me for a month. So it's for the best to know that upfront and let it go. Or he's just not that into me. Either way, he doesn't owe me anything, but most of my internet dating goes even worse than this so it's not the right platform for me. Hang in there!!! No more internet dating for me! I even saw my ex FA from two years ago on there, the one I have written about recently that contacted me right before Christmas a few weeks ago. Man, does he look great on paper! I mean truly, he's not a bad guy, has done a lot in his life, successful, truly wants a relationship but is completely clueless how to be a positive contributing partner in one. If I never knew him before, I for sure would have swiped right on his profile, lol! I have to admit my mind is still blown at how great someone can be in so many areas of their life, but when it comes to relationships can have no clue at all what they are doing to sabotage it. |
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Post by lovebunny on Dec 29, 2019 19:11:17 GMT
So apparently he had a "what are we conversation?" without me and has declared hes bot ready for a relationship. I didnt ask. Ok I'm sorry I laughed out loud at this. Totally. I hate when people I assume I want more of them than I actually do. Dating sucks a great big back of it. |
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Post by serenity on Dec 29, 2019 21:38:11 GMT
For the record, this isn’t just blokes. I’m heading to the other side of the country tonight to see someone who I know is unavailable, a DA. Fii IR the most part, that suits me. Someone who I’ve seen before and is great, then nothing. I’ll be frank.... after orgasm, disappearance and no contact for days. So, after a good week or so, I book the flights, and then she comes up with reasons not to see me, some legitimate, others not. So, I reorganise my holiday to suit myself and today she pops up to see what I’m doing, which I didn’t expect. I offer to reorganise bits again, we get to the stage where something is concrete and she tells me “it’s not meant to be” Righto. Sure. Hang on, I’ve just gone 3500km out of my way but because I’m not willing to reorganise a third time it’s “not meant to be”. Unavailable. Just as I am. I put myself in a position for this to happen. People act in such an incredibly predictable way. Having this attachment stuff in trade and acting on it is like having training wheels. Come visit me instead, lol. I'm one of those sneaky happy ever after people, we'll have a blast. <3 (oh btw be careful of bushfires!) |
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Post by Dualcitizen on Dec 29, 2019 22:17:16 GMT
For the record, this isn’t just blokes. I’m heading to the other side of the country tonight to see someone who I know is unavailable, a DA. Fii IR the most part, that suits me. Someone who I’ve seen before and is great, then nothing. I’ll be frank.... after orgasm, disappearance and no contact for days. So, after a good week or so, I book the flights, and then she comes up with reasons not to see me, some legitimate, others not. So, I reorganise my holiday to suit myself and today she pops up to see what I’m doing, which I didn’t expect. I offer to reorganise bits again, we get to the stage where something is concrete and she tells me “it’s not meant to be” Righto. Sure. Hang on, I’ve just gone 3500km out of my way but because I’m not willing to reorganise a third time it’s “not meant to be”. Unavailable. Just as I am. I put myself in a position for this to happen. People act in such an incredibly predictable way. Having this attachment stuff in trade and acting on it is like having training wheels. While we're in "comic relief" Mrob, this applicable? (Not really funny, but the irony!) Fearful-Avoidant: “Maybe that is too much, but I think I like you.” Dismissive: “…” Fearful-Avoidant: “What?” Dismissive: “I didn’t say anything.” Fearful-Avoidant: “Something’s wrong, isn’t it. I went too far. I am sorry, this is just embarrassing…” *feels like running away* Dismissive: “?” Fearful-Avoidant: “Forget it!” *runs away* Dismissive: “And she didn’t even give me any time to answer properly…” Fearful-Avoidant *looks back* “Did you say anything?” Dismissive: “Um. Talk to you later?” *days later* Fearful-Avoidant: “Okay, I cannot take it anymore. We need to stop seeing each other.” Dismissive: “You are overreacting.” Fearful-Avoidant: “You’ve never told me whether you actually like me!” Dismissive: “…” Fearful-Avoidant: “…” Dismissive: “Okay, fine, I like you.” Fearful-Avoidant: “Really?” Dismissive: “…” Fearful-Avoidant: “… Not sure what to make of this…” Taken from:- typevolution.com/2016/12/17/attachment-style-and-saying-i-like-you/ |
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jules
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Post by jules on Dec 29, 2019 23:55:18 GMT
How are you feeling about it all? Initially I had a pit in my stomach. This morning he texted. I kinda blasted him minorly. He picked a crap time to pull this as my child was visiting. She actually watched me run the gamut of emotions last night. But I realized its him. He needs to get his life in order. Hes got a whole mess of stuff to get a grip on. We are getting warmer. So theres that. The FA came by the morning to give my daughter and I Christmas gifts. His gift to her was probably the best gift of the season. Very thoughtful. Mine too, was also a good laugh. I stopped by his place after I dropped my daughter at the airport and he held me as I cried over her send off and even the break up thing. He tried to kiss me but I said no and he totally respected it. What are the odds of running into two emotionally unavailable men for 2 superate reasons? I guess pretty freaking good. One FA and one spiritually suffering alcoholic/addict who sounds like hes working his way to a relapse. He did me a favor. I cant be messing around with that kind of heartache. I *may give celibacy a whirl in 2020. I wish I could like chicks. Double my wardrobe. Very close to giving up. Supremely close. Just thankful the drama is not mine!! |
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jules
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Post by jules on Dec 29, 2019 23:58:36 GMT
So apparently he had a "what are we conversation?" without me and has declared hes bot ready for a relationship. I didnt ask. Ok I'm sorry I laughed out loud at this. Totally. I hate when people I assume I want more of them than I actually do. Dating sucks a great big back of it. Yes, what the heck is this? Cannot even make this crap up. He made a total decision based on a conversation we never even had. What in the actual fuck? Another bullet dodged! |
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jules
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Post by jules on Dec 30, 2019 0:00:42 GMT
I'm sorry, jules . I've also decided to ditch internet dating after a good date wanted to see me again then got "too busy" (with the holidays) to even be in touch. I left the door open if he's telling the truth and will resurface after the holidays, but I'm also of the mindset after not hearing from him in so long that we have very different communication needs if he's okay with not talking to me for a month. So it's for the best to know that upfront and let it go. Or he's just not that into me. Either way, he doesn't owe me anything, but most of my internet dating goes even worse than this so it's not the right platform for me. Hang in there!!! No more internet dating for me! I even saw my ex FA from two years ago on there, the one I have written about recently that contacted me right before Christmas a few weeks ago. Man, does he look great on paper! I mean truly, he's not a bad guy, has done a lot in his life, successful, truly wants a relationship but is completely clueless how to be a positive contributing partner in one. If I never knew him before, I for sure would have swiped right on his profile, lol! I have to admit my mind is still blown at how great someone can be in so many areas of their life, but when it comes to relationships can have no clue at all what they are doing to sabotage it. I CANNOT WAIT to get my profile back online!! LOL FML |
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Post by alexandra on Dec 30, 2019 0:24:38 GMT
What are the odds of running into two emotionally unavailable men for 2 superate reasons? I guess pretty freaking good. It is pretty high, especially later in life. There are a lot still around, and you've got some stuff in your background that makes it seem familiar (you've struggled with some issues and like attracts like). But now that you know what this looks like, you know to cut it off much faster and not stick around. That's really all you can do, and just keep trying until you find someone present who meets your needs without having relationship conversations with themselves LOL. |
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I'm sorry that happened, you could have really used a break this time around.
