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Post by tnr9 on Feb 12, 2021 1:27:14 GMT
I asked her and she kept saying "I don't know if I want to try again". I know I am putting her on the spot and pressuring her when it is not needed. I just want some certainty. I don't know what to do now and it hurts so so much especially today is Chinese New Year and I'm all alone. I'm not in a great mental state now. Do you have a friend you can reach out to so you are not alone? |
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Post by dullboat123 on Feb 12, 2021 1:58:30 GMT
I asked her and she kept saying "I don't know if I want to try again". I know I am putting her on the spot and pressuring her when it is not needed. I just want some certainty. I don't know what to do now and it hurts so so much especially today is Chinese New Year and I'm all alone. I'm not in a great mental state now. Do you have a friend you can reach out to so you are not alone? Unfortunately no. I pretty much lost my circle of friends after my divorce with the narcissist. |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 12, 2021 4:45:51 GMT
Do you have a friend you can reach out to so you are not alone? Unfortunately no. I pretty much lost my circle of friends after my divorce with the narcissist. So...there isn’t anyone at work that you can buddy with? Friendships are very important because they take the pressure off of looking to 1 person to address all your connection needs. Do you have any hobbies where you could meet people? |
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Post by dullboat123 on Feb 12, 2021 5:56:18 GMT
Unfortunately no. I pretty much lost my circle of friends after my divorce with the narcissist. So...there isn’t anyone at work that you can buddy with? Friendships are very important because they take the pressure off of looking to 1 person to address all your connection needs. Do you have any hobbies where you could meet people? I guess going to gym and hitting my gym friends up for drinks might be good. Thing is, as today is Chinese New Year, my ex actually wrapped her dog in red cloth and send me the picture wishing me happy chinese new year. I called her to wish her well and asked the dreaded question where she said she doesn't know whether she wants to try again. It clearly shows she cares and my therapist said there's absolutely chance she will come back and not take her word when she is emotional but I'm sceptical. That messed me up and I actually feel suicidal. |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 12, 2021 12:09:36 GMT
So...there isn’t anyone at work that you can buddy with? Friendships are very important because they take the pressure off of looking to 1 person to address all your connection needs. Do you have any hobbies where you could meet people? I guess going to gym and hitting my gym friends up for drinks might be good. Thing is, as today is Chinese New Year, my ex actually wrapped her dog in red cloth and send me the picture wishing me happy chinese new year. I called her to wish her well and asked the dreaded question where she said she doesn't know whether she wants to try again. It clearly shows she cares and my therapist said there's absolutely chance she will come back and not take her word when she is emotional but I'm sceptical. That messed me up and I actually feel suicidal. If you feel suicidal...please call a help line. Also....please discuss this with your therapist. I am not one to question a therapist’s particular type of therapy...but it sounds like the approach he is taking isn’t working the best for you. Friendships are a very important part of the connection equation. I think having a beer some time with the guys from your gym sounds like a good way to make new friends. |
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Post by annieb on Feb 12, 2021 14:26:54 GMT
Hey, please reach out to a suicide helpline and call/ text your therapist that you need to talk. Talk to someone on the phone ASAP. We are with you, buddy. We are here for you.
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Post by dullboat123 on Feb 15, 2021 0:15:16 GMT
Thank you very much for your concern everyone. I am fine. I been down the deep dark hole but I didn't do anything silly. Perhaps I'm too chicken. But don't worry, I am ok.
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 15, 2021 3:13:49 GMT
Thank you very much for your concern everyone. I am fine. I been down the deep dark hole but I didn't do anything silly. Perhaps I'm too chicken. But don't worry, I am ok. I would discuss this with your therapist.....your dopamine or serotonin may below and it might be beneficial to see if you need a anti anxiety/ anti depression medication. |
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Post by dullboat123 on Feb 15, 2021 4:07:14 GMT
Thank you very much for your concern everyone. I am fine. I been down the deep dark hole but I didn't do anything silly. Perhaps I'm too chicken. But don't worry, I am ok. I would discuss this with your therapist.....your dopamine or serotonin may below and it might be beneficial to see if you need a anti anxiety/ anti depression medication. I have anti-depressants but that doesn't help with heartbreak. I think I need anti-anxiety drugs so that I can keep my anxiety in check. |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 15, 2021 15:57:16 GMT
I would discuss this with your therapist.....your dopamine or serotonin may below and it might be beneficial to see if you need a anti anxiety/ anti depression medication. I have anti-depressants but that doesn't help with heartbreak. I think I need anti-anxiety drugs so that I can keep my anxiety in check. The goal of anti depressants and anti anxiety medication is to stabilize your mood. It sounds to me as if the particular medication you are taking is not working so it is a good idea to explore if there are other better options. Heartbreak is an emotion that cannot be avoided...but how much that heartbreak consumes of your life can. Perhaps investing a little into finding what works from a medication perspective could be a focus right now. |
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Post by dullboat123 on Feb 16, 2021 0:28:33 GMT
I have anti-depressants but that doesn't help with heartbreak. I think I need anti-anxiety drugs so that I can keep my anxiety in check. The goal of anti depressants and anti anxiety medication is to stabilize your mood. It sounds to me as if the particular medication you are taking is not working so it is a good idea to explore if there are other better options. Heartbreak is an emotion that cannot be avoided...but how much that heartbreak consumes of your life can. Perhaps investing a little into finding what works from a medication perspective could be a focus right now. Hi there, I saw a doctor yesterday and he started me on Zactin - which is an anti-anxiety and OCD medication. Just like antidepressants, it takes weeks to see results. Might be the placebo effect but this morning, I feel a bit nauseous (common side effect) and I feel a bit calmer. I don't feel like talking to anyone right now, which is kinda out of character for me. |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 16, 2021 14:03:50 GMT
The goal of anti depressants and anti anxiety medication is to stabilize your mood. It sounds to me as if the particular medication you are taking is not working so it is a good idea to explore if there are other better options. Heartbreak is an emotion that cannot be avoided...but how much that heartbreak consumes of your life can. Perhaps investing a little into finding what works from a medication perspective could be a focus right now. Hi there, I saw a doctor yesterday and he started me on Zactin - which is an anti-anxiety and OCD medication. Just like antidepressants, it takes weeks to see results. Might be the placebo effect but this morning, I feel a bit nauseous (common side effect) and I feel a bit calmer. I don't feel like talking to anyone right now, which is kinda out of character for me. So...just to clarify....the calmness you feel has reduced the anxiety that was driving a desire to reach out to her...correct? I certainly would not want to be on medication that made me feel anti social...but I don’t think that is what you were saying...thus confirming my understanding via the first line. When I first started on my SSRI....I did immediately feel better even though I was told it could take weeks to feel the full effect. It has really been a game changer for me in terms of how I handle things. Keep us posted on how it goes.🙂 |
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Post by dullboat123 on Feb 17, 2021 2:03:30 GMT
Hi there, I saw a doctor yesterday and he started me on Zactin - which is an anti-anxiety and OCD medication. Just like antidepressants, it takes weeks to see results. Might be the placebo effect but this morning, I feel a bit nauseous (common side effect) and I feel a bit calmer. I don't feel like talking to anyone right now, which is kinda out of character for me. So...just to clarify....the calmness you feel has reduced the anxiety that was driving a desire to reach out to her...correct? I certainly would not want to be on medication that made me feel anti social...but I don’t think that is what you were saying...thus confirming my understanding via the first line. When I first started on my SSRI....I did immediately feel better even though I was told it could take weeks to feel the full effect. It has really been a game changer for me in terms of how I handle things. Keep us posted on how it goes.🙂 Yes. Not feeling the need to constantly connect. And also it keeps my mind of thinking the worst case scenario with her (is she with another man? Is she leaving me?). My constant need to connect comes out as incessant questions which made her leave me in the first place. So now I think I can handle the questions better because I don't feel the need to speak that much. No I don't think it makes me anti-social. I just don't feel like I need to constantly reach out to people. Will definitely keep you all posted. P.S I told my ex (still spending time together, still in contact) that I feel calmer now and proposed to try again, she said no. I asked if she is letting me go, she said no too. You can imagine my frustration. |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 17, 2021 2:16:41 GMT
So...just to clarify....the calmness you feel has reduced the anxiety that was driving a desire to reach out to her...correct? I certainly would not want to be on medication that made me feel anti social...but I don’t think that is what you were saying...thus confirming my understanding via the first line. When I first started on my SSRI....I did immediately feel better even though I was told it could take weeks to feel the full effect. It has really been a game changer for me in terms of how I handle things. Keep us posted on how it goes.🙂 Yes. Not feeling the need to constantly connect. And also it keeps my mind of thinking the worst case scenario with her (is she with another man? Is she leaving me?). My constant need to connect comes out as incessant questions which made her leave me in the first place. So now I think I can handle the questions better because I don't feel the need to speak that much. No I don't think it makes me anti-social. I just don't feel like I need to constantly reach out to people. Will definitely keep you all posted. P.S I told my ex (still spending time together, still in contact) that I feel calmer now and proposed to try again, she said no. I asked if she is letting me go, she said no too. You can imagine my frustration. Maybe it is time to stop asking her since she keeps giving you the same answer and instead figure out if you are ok to stay in limbo with her for an undetermined amount of time. |
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Post by dullboat123 on Feb 17, 2021 7:08:02 GMT
Maybe it is time to stop asking her since she keeps giving you the same answer and instead figure out if you are ok to stay in limbo with her for an undetermined amount of time. I give myself 2-3 months. If nothing happens then I will have to rip my heart out. |
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