Dating stage as an FA

"Hanging out" watching TV all day would make anyone restless I think. And no, you don't just magically become secure in someone's presence. Watching TV is nothing that tests security. I notice you jump to idealizing situations if you just don't get triggered.
It takes TIME to discover compatibility and how you vibe with someone, and not stationary watching TV and hanging out for hours. It takes experiencing someone in the vicissitudes of life, coming and going in in your own lifestyle, encountering and engaging and departing on a consistent basis to learn how a dynamic works.

Why are you spending hours and hours with a new guy as if you're established, especially wasting weekend time that you usually use for something else? Seems like very lazy "dating" and "discovery" to me. Totally unavailable with a deceptive mind numbing blanket of boring which while not scary, is not dating.

Just my two cents.

Start as you mean to go on. If you hate hanging out all day on the weekend watching TV then why are you doing that as an introduction to a new guy? Someone is fast forwarding big time, to the meaningless time wasting hours of shallow comfort and oh, yeah... let's meet later tonight at his?

I'd recommend taking care of yourself and regrouping after your vacation and start out living like yourself and keep the first dates short so you don't get to thinking you are at some fake comfort level with a new guy you hardly know.

He is supposed to be getting to know you and here you were, comfortable doing something you hate all day with him. What's real about that? Be who you are.

This is interesting. I've been with my partner for almost 3 years and we hardly ever spend whole weekends together. We are so far on the opposite extreme that I feel weird even saying this. We meet up and do activities and then we do our own thing after that. We don't live together and never spend the night together (we're not able to sleep in the same bed) so the dynamic is different. It just usually doesn't make sense to meet up for more than a few hours at a time. We have both adjusted and are fine with this - it doesn't trigger me anxious. But in any case, I agree that it can be a red flag when someone wants so much of your time so early on. It doesn't have to be that way even further along in a relationship.

Y'know, I'm struggling with something similar, wondering if my lack of anxiety surrounding my bf of 2 months indicates a lack of interest.

This is exacerbated by something that happened this weekend. I found out two people in my friend group, both recently out of other r'ships, who have been friends with each other for years, are now a couple. The man was previously poly, but now has decided "she's the one" and is being monogamous to her. He's said everything to my friend I wished my poly ex-boyfriend had said to me, and she's all "He's everything I've ever wanted!" Part of me is sighing they're headed for doom and my whole friend group will have to choose between them, the other part of me is wondering why I'm not as head-over-heels about my new partner.

I'm with you @cherrycola that you should be doing fun, bonding activities. I personally enjoy snuggling on couch watching tv together for hours on end, but if that's not fun for you, don't do that! I got upset at one point because new guy had me over to his place where there was absolutely nothing to do at night and he didn't have a tv or board games or like, a guitar for a singalong....I have never been someone who likes to just "hang out," I don't want to sit around and make small talk. I want to be watching a movie together or eating a meal or playing a game or going for a bike ride. He, apparently, was content to just listen to music and stare at the walls (he's not even much of a talker.) From now on, we hang at my place and I make sure there's an activity on the table.

Because his work schedule has him work overnights half the week, we have taken to spending his nights off together, which means 3 nights in a row together. It can feel like a lot sometimes, but I like a lot of time with my partners and apparently so does he. I just remind myself, whenever I start to feel put-upon, I WANTED this kind of r'ship with someone who wanted to keep me close and spend a lot of time together. Plus I always know alone time is coming when he goes back to work and I won't see him for a few days.

Sorry I'm not offering much for advice, just understanding. Maybe sometimes if we're not getting the push-pull in our r'ship, we create some within ourselves?

Still spinning out, so I booked a counselling session. We had a lovely date, he mentioned he bought me a gift which should be arriving soon, he started to talk a bit about doing things in the future. All signs this person is starting to invest. Yet I feel like my brain is self sabotaging? He is so entitled to be talking about future dates but not committing to me. If he liked me he would want to spend more time with me, he would be texting me more, etc etc.

I'm trying to speak up about my needs and every time he is super responsive and caring. He said he is really burnt out from work and took some time off after the weekend so he can spend the next 5 days on his hobby. I asked if he had time to have a quick date in there, he said yes, but wasn't sure when, which instantly triggered a new story in my head. I think I feel like I am making myself small to fit into his world instead of just living my parallel life. In my mind, I would make time for a date with him, so I'm like... well then he can't like me that much. But I am free to make my own plans, to which he would understand.

My logical mind goes, if he is burnt out from work, that is 100% fair and is no reflection on me or how he feels about me and he should be welcome to that space to unwind and relax. I am happy he shared with me that he was taking time to himself and maybe I shouldn't have interjected into that. I really just need to see who this person is and if he doesn't want as much closeness as me, even if for external reasons, then I need to make my own decision about that.

I'm sick with a head cold and all my friends are wanting to see me, so I really should be focusing on myself right now. And I guess ultimately I am using this to avoid my life. I am going through a huge amount of flux right now with work and my best friend is leaving in a month. So I am feeling very ungrounded and scared and latching onto someone else to help me feel safe.  But I know I can find safety in myself. Maybe even reinstall the dating apps once I am feeling better. 

I see signs he doesn't want as much closeness as I do, which is scary. After my vacation he said a week was too long to go without seeing me, so I was shocked when was doing that essentially out of his own free will. 5 days of a hobby is a lot to me, and when I asked for a walk or a meal in there he was REALLY unsure, which tells me it's a no. scheduling dates is an on going issue between us. He has acknowledged that he can be wishy washy about plans.

So now I am feeling distant, and feeling more avoidant. I know if I text him, he'll reply. But then I have two minds, he doesn't get to say I don't want to see you but then also get my attention / I should just leave him to his unwinding, he knows where to find me.

We checked in this morning, but I was feeling withdrawn I didn't know what to say and let it drop. Then I feel mean, he always replies, and I mean ALWAYS, with substance. So he is available to connect with, just not in the way I want. He asked me about my day yesterday so again he is showing he cares. but then my brain goes well why didn't you bother texting me yesterday to check in then?!?!

edit: Thank you all for continuing to let me journal in this space and sort thru things. I realized I continually hand my power over to another person and then get upset because I feel out of control. 

My friends and I are very lax with plans, when we want to see each other it's back and forth of throwing out ideas/times until they stick. It does not work with him.  I was suggesting fun things to do, he would agree they looked fun, but then they didn't become a reality.  I had even brought some of them up a second time, and again ball drops. So then I was starting to feel resentful because I was like well we talked about doing these things together so now I feel like I can't do them on my own!  I also realized I was letting him be wishy washy with my time. Which is something I worked really hard to not allow people to do.

So I got regulated, went and did one of the things I had on our massive "that sounds fun" list and sent him a photo. He said he was jealous and I used that opening to say another thing on our list was limited time, would he be available to do it Wed or Thursday. A very direct offer.  He picked a day, he then sheepishly asked me to dinner tomorrow. 

So I respected the boundary he set of I want time to myself, I showed him I am 100% a-ok doing my own thing, but you might miss out.  I also advocated for my needs to know when our next date is so I can plan my life.  I could have let it be, just let him come to me, and yeah maybe he would step up, or maybe he would not, and in the meantime I would be super anxious. I am proud I accomplished this without protesting, or having any sort of serious "chat". Because I think I am realizing one of the things a secure person does, is they are able to advocate for themselves assertively, without making it a big thing.  It only needs to be a big thing if he said no, over and over.  And then I could decide hey this person isn't for me.  This way, if things fizzle out, they do so quickly and not through some weird prolonged passive game we play with each other. 

6 weeks is quite early for leaving things at his place. If he's afraid you're ready to end things, he's probably offering that to alleviate his own anxiety, or to have a reason to see you again if you did end things. There's no need to rush, especially since you were just feeling dysregulated and ready to go back to apps because he was busy for a few days.