Wow, thank you, that’s very eye opening. I always thought my hyper focussing on his behaviours and feelings was because if I understood I could accept it. I guess the key is accepting it even though I don’t understand and never will as like you say “oranges and apples”.
I have never gone 5 days in strict no contact, I always cave to a message or initiate a conversation myself. And even though I saw him lots today at work, I didn’t feel much emotion, if anything I felt a bit numb and sorry for him.
After the initial ego hit of his manager telling me how happy he had been over the past few days, I felt sorry for him, because all the things he told me up until recently about how I’m the only one he can be himself around, I’m the closest person in his life, I’m like a part of him etc etc. that’s sad that an attachment style can make you feel so relieved and happy to not have that person in your life anymore!
Unless of course he was just saying what felt good and none of those things were true, but still in that case that’s sad for him because at least my feelings are genuine even if i have my own attachment issues.
I’m sure if i was secure I wouldn’t have stayed for this long. His behaviour would have been a turn off. And im going to focus on that now, I’m glad i have a solicitor advising me on the practicalities of sharing a mortgage, as much as it is going to cause stress, I’m going to stand on business and not let him railroad me into selling etc just because he wants to move forward!
Looking out for myself now and my empathy traded for a distant compassion that doesn’t cloud my judgement.
I am really trying to process this in a healthy way, I hope you guys stick around to advise because I feel so much more empowered with your knowledge behind me!
Thanks for your help x
