Hold on a second

thank you
It’s pretty rough,i will admit.
I feel exhausted by it, I really do.
It just feels like so much push back on my opinion when so much toxic stuff here just goes unquestioned and unchallenged.
I can’t contribute any more to this thread (just my personal choice to refrain) but it was great to get a little validation from Jeb on some points. I knew I had a point lol.

Dear Jeb,

I am shocked and appalled at what transpired yesterday. What I have encountered here on this forum by a couple of people yesterday (Tgat and Lucky) whom I do not know and who apparently claim to be Dismissive Avoidants was outrageous. Firstly, I don’t have the time nor desire to be on a forum all day long. I work a full time law job, so I cannot sit at a computer and write lengthy comments. Secondly, I never came on here bashing anyone but merely came on to this forum after reading Jeb’s books and a lot other things online specifically about Dismissive Avoidants and their behaviors and relationship styles. Also, I’ve watched many YouTube videos specifically focusing on dismissive avoidants because I am in a relationship with a DA. I have also had a father who was exactly the same and now know via Jeb’s Book and other online reading materials that he was dismissive too. I have never heard of Attachment styles before 2 months ago ever in my whole life. I have recently figured out that my friend, ex-boyfriend who is now married has a dismissive avoidant style. After doing all of my research and much reading I figured this out, more specifically from Jeb’s books. Once I found out this is what was the cause of him being so stand offish and dismissive at times (and much more, just don’t feel the need to share all of his dismissive behaviors to you all), I confronted him and he admitted it. I read that dismissives use other people to stay away from their lover/partner. That is and was my reason for coming on this site to get advice on whether other’s have had some experience or knowledge or have encountered such behavior and was looking for some suggestions on how to go forward. Let me say, that I am not required to divulge ever little detail about my relationships with anyone. I briefly gave some bits and pieces to just get some sort of idea if what this individual was doing was part of the DA style. Initially, I received very nice and warm comments, however yesterday or the evening before I was confronted by two dismissive avoidant individuals (Lucky and Tgat, more specifically). Tgat, went off on me after she wrote some very inappropriate in my estimation lengthy comment in general to everyone on the forum (NOT TO ME) and I mean lengthy rant about how people on this site have been bashing DAs. Tgat attacked me brutually. TGAT has not even read Jeb’s book. I downloaded and paid for that book to do my research and get valuable information; as I thought it was very well written and hit the nail on the head perfectly as to the behavior of my friend. Very valuable information. I have only been on the site for 2 months. I went sporadically. I was appalled and in my defense I dealt with her head on. I would suggest, she take a look at what she wrote and a good look in the mirror. She is in major pain and not willing to accept the DA label that is out there on many websites. I did not create the DA label or what is written on the websites and the books about the attachment styles.

I am not perfect by any means and never claimed to be. I am probably an AP style working on being secure but I have a long way to go. I admit this and I am a work in progress. I am also a recovering addict with over 19 years and come from a very dysfunctional background and upbringing.

Judging me and questioning why I am friends or involved with a married man is none of your business. I was not on to be judged but to ask questions based on reading and materials I have read on websites and books specifically written by Jeb Kinnison. READ HIS BOOK and see what he writes.

I wish you all the best. This is not a place for me because there is a lot of judging and blaming going on and a lot of triggering of individuals obvious unresolved issues. I am in a place of recovery and getting better one day at a time. I still love my friend and it will take me time to let it go but, that is not up for any of you to decide for me. I was here for advice and to get some feedback and help on how WE all think and handle relationships whether it be a family, a friend, a lover, or a significant other. Shame on you the couple of people who acted out and felt criticized and went off on me because of your own insecurities. God bless you and I will pray for you….

missyb i already clarified nothing was directed at you. I outlined my reasons

Any forum where i feel the need to first assure fellow readers that i have good human traits is really not a good fit. Kind of twisted.

TGat is not happy with the way DAs are being labeled anywhere. Whether it be on websites, books, or by psychologists or therapists. She is feeling labeled a very unhealthy person and also feels she is being labeled the abuser. She is very triggered by this forum. Not by me. Tgat has an issue with the way in which DAs are being represented across the board. She is taking everything in the board/forum personally and feeling attacked. Tgat is not accepting the label of DISMISSIVE AVOIDANT and feels that it is being misrepresented. She feels that she is being blamed for whatever happens in relationships. No one is putting all or any of the blame on the DA. We are all responsible for our own actions in every single relationship. This forum is really triggering her in a bad way, unfortunately. This is not about you personally Tgat and has absolutely nothing to do with me as I was just commenting at the wrong time yesterday and got caught in the line of fire when she got so hostile and angry. I feel very sorry for her and really don’t know why she is taking everyone’s post so personal. Truly sad.

I do hope you would stick around. As ludicrous and exhausting as this thread has turned out to be, this experience should be eye opening to anyone who re-acts anxiously in relationships. It is an extreme case but the interaction has been over the top, hot and cold, full of misplaced rage and unwarranted abusive language. It would be very difficult to attach to that no matter what style you are.

People, this is what it looks like when we react anxiously. Take note!

Sometimes the best way to deal with these situations is No Contact. There is a lot of projection and denial happening. People, from what I've seen have been very supportive of her, but, as they say the truth hurts.

I'm sorry that you've had to deal with it and didn't find the support you needed here. Again, most here understood that your post was the flip side of the coin and they appreciate that you shared. I certainly do.

Not everyone is here to bash a FA/DA. Most of us love at least on very much.

I wish you all the best.