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Post by lostinlove on Dec 26, 2019 20:36:13 GMT
Frustrating and emotional. But I loved him so much that I "allowed" it.
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Post by lostinlove on Dec 26, 2019 20:37:09 GMT
And part of me felt, and still feels bad for the guy, because I knew he struggled with relationships.
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Post by alexandra on Dec 26, 2019 20:38:56 GMT
And part of me felt, and still feels bad for the guy, because I knew he struggled with relationships. He struggles because of the choices he makes, though. Why does he get to defer responsibility that you instead feel like taking on? |
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Post by lostinlove on Dec 26, 2019 20:41:45 GMT
He always said he wanted to be a better boyfriend to me and that he was really working on trying to love me unconditionally.
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Post by alexandra on Dec 26, 2019 20:43:47 GMT
He always said he wanted to be a better boyfriend to me and that he was really working on trying to love me unconditionally. We've already established in earlier posts that his words and actions weren't aligned, and he just said things that ultimately meant nothing all the time. It's typical for anxious to fixate on only the good and dismiss the bad. Like, if 95% of the time they're treated like crap, but 5% of the time they are told nice things, they'll idealize and fixate on the 5% to keep a toxic relationship going. |
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Post by lostinlove on Dec 26, 2019 20:44:28 GMT
My therapist seems to think that this guy has a lot more problems deep down than just avoidance. Bipolar, borderline personality, or even autism spectrum to name a few.
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Post by lostinlove on Dec 26, 2019 20:46:37 GMT
That is 100% me. So fixated on the good. And I "allowed" the bad.
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Post by lostinlove on Dec 26, 2019 20:48:49 GMT
I seriously think deep down he truly wants a serious relationship/marriage/kids. Which makes me think he is now going to go fix himself.
I think he does have a lot of problems, but I dont think he honestly realizes it or can "help" some of them. It makes me feel sad for him. He was sweet at times. I always dismissed stuff as "he's never been in a LTR, so he doesnt know better".
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Post by beyondconfused on Dec 27, 2019 3:13:05 GMT
I seriously think deep down he truly wants a serious relationship/marriage/kids. Which makes me think he is now going to go fix himself. I think he does have a lot of problems, but I dont think he honestly realizes it or can "help" some of them. It makes me feel sad for him. He was sweet at times. I always dismissed stuff as "he's never been in a LTR, so he doesnt know better". You're focusing all on him. You cannot make him realize his issues. You cannot make him address them. You cannot fix him. You have to accept that and focus on what you can improve, yourself. It hurts alot to be in this position, I am in a similar one. But there is nothing I can do about him if he doesnt want to. |
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Post by lostinlove on Dec 28, 2019 16:30:01 GMT
Is there anything I can do, besides work on myself, to win this man back in the future?
I understand I wasnt perfect either. His family seems really disappointed in me, so I wish I knew what he was telling people. Although I do know he is a very private person. So they may be mad about what was posted on facebook by my "friends".
How can I apologize to him and make him trust me again for another chance like he initially promised me in the future? Although I'm thinking the initial promises were more so to tell me what I wanted to hear, so we didnt have confrontation.
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Post by alexandra on Dec 28, 2019 19:45:24 GMT
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Post by faithopelove on Dec 28, 2019 19:48:09 GMT
I seriously think deep down he truly wants a serious relationship/marriage/kids. Which makes me think he is now going to go fix himself. I think he does have a lot of problems, but I dont think he honestly realizes it or can "help" some of them. It makes me feel sad for him. He was sweet at times. I always dismissed stuff as "he's never been in a LTR, so he doesnt know better". - However, wanting a relationship/wife/kids and taking the initiative to “fix” oneself to get to that point are two very different things. A lot of people want a lot of things, but are unwilling to do the work it requires. Just look at the gym right after New Year’s resolution time compared to May! Change is hard. |
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Post by faithopelove on Dec 28, 2019 19:50:52 GMT
Is there anything I can do, besides work on myself, to win this man back in the future? I understand I wasnt perfect either. His family seems really disappointed in me, so I wish I knew what he was telling people. Although I do know he is a very private person. So they may be mad about what was posted on facebook by my "friends". How can I apologize to him and make him trust me again for another chance like he initially promised me in the future? Although I'm thinking the initial promises were more so to tell me what I wanted to hear, so we didnt have confrontation. - I wouldn’t suggest you do apologize or try to reconcile with a man who has so many limitations, is unstable and refuses to be there for you when you need him most. Walk away with your dignity, love yourself and some day you’ll find someone far better who deserves your devotion and someone who can handle the responsibility of a wife and children. This man is not it. |
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Post by lostinlove on Dec 28, 2019 20:12:59 GMT
Its obvious he seems avoidant, but do you think he shows signs of narcissism?
Can someone also explain this to me... when we broke up, he gave me $500. Told me to use it towards food I already purchased for us at the house and ate, and also put some towards living expenses for the next month, since he kicked me out so fast. When I was moving, I took some of the food, but also left some for him. Anyways, he eventually packed ALL of the food, everything, and sent it to my home with a friend of ours with the rest of my stuff.
Also, I recently found out he took the two kittens he got from his parents while we were together, back to their house. And got two different ones. It seems like he is doing these things to get rid of every single thought, reminder, or trace of me. I don't get it, or even understand where damaged this guy so bad. I actually poured my heart out to him, but he seems incredibly angry at me for some reason, but never did explain anything or talked to me after the breakup. Other than "we will have a second chance come day, when I'm ready", then a week later "I never want to be friends, hangout, or ever date you again"
I dont understand at all. The worst thing I can think of that I did that possibly "broke" and "ruined" him was my Facebook status that said its "sad to see the man you love walk out of your life" and some of my friends replied some mean stuff about him. And possibly begging for him back. I was so damn broken when he dumped me. It literally hurt like hell, and my strong emotions I didnt even know I had definitely came out.
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Post by number9 on Dec 28, 2019 23:53:37 GMT
My therapist seems to think that this guy has a lot more problems deep down than just avoidance. Bipolar, borderline personality, or even autism spectrum to name a few. For some reason, I thought about autism spectrum right away. I'm glad you have a therapist on hand, and I empathize with your suffering. Hope 2020 brings you some relief. |
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