Dating as an FA Apr 28, 2020 16:24:21 GMT via mobile
Post by annieb on Apr 28, 2020 16:24:21 GMT
I am trying to work through something currently. I have some genuine concerns about someone I am dating and need to investigate further about these concerns. Since stability and security is important to me, if I date someone who is not very aware or certain of what they are looking for, or if they are not intentional about what they want, I will bail. I may be dealing with that right now. As I take time to further investigate, my mind is analyzing the situation, and in discussing this concerns with friends, I found myself destroying him in my mind. I guess they saw so and assumed I was done in how I was talking about him. I have no doubts my concerns are real, but I don't think they are worth walking for at this point. However, now that I have done this destruction in my mind, I have little motivation to investigate, and I am somewhat suspicious of his motives.
Can anyone relate or provide any insight as to how to make this easier? It is too early to have discussions with him on any feelings related to attachment.
What you’ve done may be referred as “splitting”, painting the person all bad or all good. Are there any good qualities you can still see in this person? Is there evidence that maybe despite being ambiguous in words, the actions say otherwise? Maybe he does have goals and dreams and security, but he is not describing it in words? I would ask him to make my determination.