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Post by cherrycola on Jan 2, 2024 1:05:00 GMT
I think the thing about setting boundaries is unfortunately it can cause the relationship to end. When you set boundaries with a friend who is constantly a victim and they continue to function as a victim and remain stuck then that friendship is going to change and possibly end. Because like you said your one friend probably wouldnt have anything else to talk about, but that is their path. As sad as it is, we have to honor the path people are on. I've have a friendship like that in my life right now. He continues to cause drama and make choices I find alarming and I just spend less and less time with him. It's very sad but our values are so misaligned I can't see how we continue on the same level of closeness.
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Post by anne12 on Jan 2, 2024 7:43:51 GMT
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Post by sunrisequest on Jan 2, 2024 13:57:35 GMT
sunrisequest I just wanted to say your post about how you inadvertently show up as a victim sometimes really spoke to me. I've struggle with this for years. I've attracted a lot of rescuer men and when I try to show up in my adult space I tipped so far over into self reliant, I turned off even the healthier ones. It's such a hard balancing act and I struggle with it everyday. Showing up as an adult and being vulnerable but in a boundaried way. I wish I knew the answer to this. Yes exactly - being vulnerable but also boundaried - I am sitting with this at the moment, and don't feel like I know the answer just yet, but I think I'd like to experiment with communicating about any problems I'm facing in a little bit less detail... a couple of notches above the depth that I usually go, and see how that goes. So still being vulnerable and not hiding what I'm feeling, but not revealing every part of it... I do think I sometimes go into an almost 'confessional' state with some friends about certain topics (my son and also my partner) and it probably sets up the dynamic all wrong. I'd like to use a counsellor/therapist as the place to do deep dives into things, but would prefer to set up situations with my friends as a more top-level share so the main purpose of coming together is to enjoy each other's company. |
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Post by seeking on Jan 3, 2024 11:18:49 GMT
You are off the hook from saving everyone. 😉 I didn't have much sleep last night and am sitting here wearily drinking my morning coffee. This just made me laugh. Thanks for all of it, Introvert. Good stuff. |
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