When is it simply "They just aren't into you."

Hey Sam....I really feel like the Narc tendencies of your ex cannot be ignored.  I know it is truly difficult to understand the depth of selfishness in these individuals, but everything they do is about them...not their partner.

Hi Froggy!

Thank you for checking in. We spent most of the weekend together, I thought perhaps Sunday would be good, but I felt sick all day, no appetite, and I kept getting very flushed. I took my temperature and it was fine, so we went to a movie that I had been wanting to see, and afterwards when I dropped him, I told him I still wanted to chat, he said ok, why not right now?! but it was late and I felt sick still, so I told him that I still didn't feel well, but could we please promise to talk this week, he said sure and that was it.

Since then, I noticed he has not texted without me initiating and his responses are pretty short, friendly but short and he doesn't ask me how I'm doing. So, wondering if I waited too long but also, I think I'm building this up to be a big deal- I told him that I wasn't intentionally being cryptic, just haven't found the right time.

I know that makes no sense to be honest, given how much time we spend it seems like there are many opportunities, I'm just afraid of losing him.

Hi tnr9,

How are you doing today? :-)

Well, I have thought about just leaving things, because honestly I'm spending a lot of time working on being secure and so his distancing is less and less triggering and he always comes back to me. However, when we are together, he sometimes acts a bit off, as if he can't put his arm around me because we are "friends"- then later that night he will do so anyway and sleep over and we cuddle and talk- It just feels like there is this elephant in the room and I want to call it out and say hey- lets just BE together as we are and enjoy it with no pressure. Of course this is with the understanding that I have to deal with his need for a lot of space, but I've been doing that for 8 months now!

I understand completely. I actually think mine has moved me into the friend zone in his mind, despite his opposite actions. I think I'm afraid he will just stick to that idea and that will be it.

Have you texted anymore with him?

Well, I thought I would never even speak to my ex after he broke up with me, so you truly never know how things may turn out.

How long has it been since you guys have been broken up?

I see. I'm sorry you are hurting right now, I do understand.

I wonder if NC would be helpful for you in your healing? I say this only because when I went NC it was very hard, but actually really started to help. that is of course until my ex reached out and I responded. But, I didn't tell him not to, I didn't ask for the space, i just took it.

What do you think about asking your ex for space while you go NC? You can explain that the intent is for you to do your healing and not to punish or hurt him.