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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2018 22:33:32 GMT
Did you know you were unhappy? Seems like unawareness would be more peaceful? wow this question really got me thinking. As a person very aware of myself, my feelings, my world NOW, it’s hard to grasp how disconnected i was. I remember discovering that i didn’t know what i liked, or didn’t like. i couldn’t figure out my own internal cues, or they weren’t there? It took me a while to decide what colors i like, that kind of stuff. now colors just speak to me and i like a lot of them but have favorites. I just saw everything as a little dull and equal when it came to my environment , except for nature. Nature was my one big love. I loved everything about it and understood it. I am going to stop talking because i think i sound weirds haha. But thank you for that question it’s interesting. It doesn't sound wierd at all to me. Growing up I was never allowed to like/dislike anything. Sometimes I have to ask myself, do I actually like scrambled eggs or do I just eat them because I have been? |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2018 22:49:41 GMT
wow this question really got me thinking. As a person very aware of myself, my feelings, my world NOW, it’s hard to grasp how disconnected i was. I remember discovering that i didn’t know what i liked, or didn’t like. i couldn’t figure out my own internal cues, or they weren’t there? It took me a while to decide what colors i like, that kind of stuff. now colors just speak to me and i like a lot of them but have favorites. I just saw everything as a little dull and equal when it came to my environment , except for nature. Nature was my one big love. I loved everything about it and understood it. I am going to stop talking because i think i sound weirds haha. But thank you for that question it’s interesting. It doesn't sound wierd at all to me. Growing up I was never allowed to like/dislike anything. Sometimes I have to ask myself, do I actually like scrambled eggs or do I just eat them because I have been? Mary, i have been thinking about you, and about this. i had an epiphany. remember the blackboard illustration? I felt so erased. all my life. not just forgotten, erased and re-written. Well, i believe i had to turn off my feelings and perceptions. i don’t recall any strong likes or dislikes. or preferences? i did not register my own feelings or intuitions and that was a huge step in my recovery is learning how to. I did not pick up on environmental cues or cues from others that would have alerted me to danger, either. So i took huge risks that didn’t seem risky to me but i was smart and took care of myself. i think a reason i didn’t get too attached to anything was that everything changed so much and i couldn’t read it right and there was danger around but i was told it wasn’t dangerous.... so i didn’t want to give myself to anything because who knew what could happen. I didn’t trust myself to pick good things or choose well. So i ended up going along with situations that hurt me because my will didn’t seem to matter, my life didn’t matter, i feel sad to say i didn’t really matter to myself and so other things didn’t either. I didn’t have a real understanding that life is rich and meaningful like i do now. I would perhaps like to explore this in our support forum but i don’t know when i will be ready. I want to get back into today a bit because it’s a good day and i love my life now. |
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Post by bedlam71 on Jan 30, 2018 23:33:25 GMT
I'm glad I got y'all thinking.  It drove my ex crazy because she became aware of things. It had to be torturous for her to be in a relationship with a therapist. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2018 23:39:37 GMT
i don’t mind it but i am crying now thanks a lot.
haha but that’s why i came to this board and i am glad it settled down after i caused a ruckus because i want to explore this and have started a new thread in the Avoidant Safe Space 😊
i am not ready to do more because i like to balance it out with present moment stuff.
you have to admit, we have helped you explore too, Ms. Therapist 😬😊
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Post by bedlam71 on Jan 30, 2018 23:50:58 GMT
No doubt!! Ya know...it's obvious to me what's happening when I observe behaviors in others, but when it becomes personal like with my ex, logic and wisdom go out the window! Insecurities come out.
Definitely practice self-care and do things as you can handle them.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2018 0:15:45 GMT
No doubt!! Ya know...it's obvious to me what's happening when I observe behaviors in others, but when it becomes personal like with my ex, logic and wisdom go out the window! Insecurities come out. Definitely practice self-care and do things as you can handle them. this is why it’s so important for us to pull together and help each other. it isn’t Us vs Them or You vs Me. when we help each other that healing and understanding spreads exponentially outward to our relationships, friends, family, it’s just so important. So thanks again to everyone posting here. And yes, I have gotten very good with self care and balance in these endeavors, so yes i will rest and lighten up and enjoy some simple being for a little bit. Thanks again, all. |
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