More about different types of passive anger patterns: The chill girl and spritual bypassing, blind compassion, premature forgiveness ect.
WHAT DOES HAVING A PASSIVE ANGERPATTERN MEANS:
The passive swells the anger, lowers and suppresses. The anger is turned inward, and it can be hard at all to feel any anger and set limits and to say no. It is a evasive pattern, where one implodes instead of exploding.
• Rarely or never visibly angry
• Turns anger inward
• It is difficult to feel if you are angry
• Recognizes easier disappointment, powerlessness, resignation, sorenes,, dissapointment, frustration, sadness
• Wait too long to express anger
• Cries instead of getting angry
• Keeps silent
• Avoids conflict and confrontation at all costs
• Doubts often on his right to be angry (It's probably just me ...)
• Blames herself, rather than getting angry with othersThe chill, the cool girl:
The Chill Girl/the chill guy belongs to the passive anger pattern, but she cheats, because she does not immediately seem like she has got a problem with anger. She just seems like a woman who is in balance with herself and is "cool with everything". Open. Flexible. Always with a laid-back attitude. No problem is her motto.thoughtcatalog.com/dalyce-lazaris/2017/02/what-it-actually-means-to-be-the-chill-girl/
The Chill Girl is often a catch among men. Other women come to look like angry control freaks compared to the chill girl / guy.
The Chill Girl agrees to everything. She is not boring and not demanding at all.
However, The Chill Girl is in fact conflict avoidant and may have a really hard time saying "I'm actually not okay with this"
She / he says:
"Yes, we can do that"
On the surface, she seems to be completely indifferent to the opinion of others, but basically she is a pleaser.
She is afraid of being - or being seen as:
not interesting enough
Shes afraid of becoming a horrible woman www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObH51wwXUiM&list=PLnQlfFpHqQJ1O4n7k7wj5D6uybe6LqjEI&index=17
The Chill Girl has to learn to find a healthy balance between being open and flexible and true to herself. And communicate honestly and genuinely without pleasing - and without shame or fear of not being choosen. You do not become a bitch, because you express your own needs. This can easily be done with kindness. And without becoming a cold bitch.
The Chill girl can also be a Chill Guywww.youtube.com/watch?v=PaoQNDIf6pY
- Cool girl monologue www.youtube.com/watch?v=brddpr4DsAU
- Happy go lucky- Flamengo
Do no harm, take no shit - www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6chvht8l4s
power pose - www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdU2l0i2Wh0Spiritual bypassing:
Spritual bypassing is part of the passive anger pattern. This means that one uses spirituality, as an evasive maneuver to avoid feeling unpleasant emotions such as anger. Its like putting ice cream on the poop (Debbie Ford).
Characteristics and danger signals you need to be aware of:
- Excessive focus on being positive
- Excessive eagerness to "find the gift" in everything
- Blind compassion
- Premature forgiveness - www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZNHnIUWZJs
- Reluctance to complainmedium.com/@expandingessence137/blind-compassion-robert-augustus-masters-f386da84d9cd
Do you know any of these characters?
Do you always believe in the best in people?
Do you always strive to be understanding and inclusive?
Do you think anger is a negative emotion?
Do you always try to think positively?
Are you good at forgiving?
At first glance, all this sounds very sympathetic.
To be confident, positive, inclusive, understanding.
But one can also become too confident, too positive, too inclusive and too understanding.
And if you have a tendency to do so, you should be familiar with the concept called spiritual bypassing.
What is spiritual bypassing?
The term 'spiritual bypassing' was developed in the 1980s by the American psychologist and author John Welwood - and means using spirituality (or spiritual virtues such as inclusiveness and forgiveness) as evasive maneuvers ... to avoid dealing with "negative" emotions.
Instead of looking at and relating to what hurts, is difficult or is not ok, one uses spiritual beliefs such as "everything is good" and "there is a meaning to everything" or spiritual practices such as meditation, affirmations, yoga etc. to distance oneself from or transcend reality.
This does not mean that meditation, affirmations or yoga are bad.
It just means that if we use meditation, affirmations, yoga and positive mantras to avoid relating to what is difficult or hurting, then it is inappropriate.
Spiritual bypassing is putting on (pink) spiritual blinders, putting a thick layer of Vaseline on the glasses while we say inside our own head: "lalalalalala"
- to avoid facing reality.
That is the ugly reality
Spiritual bypassing is a defense mechanism and an almost infantile longing to transcend everything unpleasant in life.
Spiritual bypassing distances us not only from our pain and dissatisfaction, but also from our authenticity.
The excessive spaciousness, infinite understanding and total acceptance can become too much and make us both frustrated and unhappy.
It can also seem artificial and impersonal. As if you are not a real human being, but rather a wandering positive human being who says: ("Smiiie and the world smiles back at you!"
⭐️ Do you know the tendency to use spirituality as an evasive maneuver?
⭐️ Are you perhaps too positive?
It is understandable and human, but often we will get much more out of addressing the pain we are trying to deny, underplay, or distance ourselves from.
Psychologist Robert Augustus Masters has written a book about spiritual bypassing. A must-read for anyone who deals with spirituality.
When you use spiritual bypassing you have
Excessive focus on being positive
Excessive eagerness to "find the gift" in everything
Anger has a bad reputation in some spiritual circles.
And that's a shame.
It is hard to get to know our anger better if we have already decided that anger is ugly, wrong, and unspiritual. Or that it is something we must rise above, transcend or "should" not feel.
Anger is a natural, healthy feeling. We all have it, and we should be happy about that - because anger is a signal that tells us that something needs our attention.
Feeling angry is never an issue in itself. Itś what we do with anger, which can be a problem. This is a problem, for example, when our anger turns into aggression. But it is also a problem when we suppress and deny our healthy and justified anger - or see anger as a sign that we have not succeeded spiritually. Because then we will probably feel ashamed when we get angry.Anger is not a sign that you are not (self) developed enough. It is a sign that you are a human being. And that there is probably something you need to look at or address.
• Try to look at which "negative" shadows you avoid dealing with, when using
spiritual bypassing. What do you avoid seeing yourself as?
(eg angry, critical, cold, harsh, negative, judgmental ...
The question is do you feel FREE to address what makes you angry, upset or disappointed?
Or whether you put Vaseline on the lens and smile understandingly, even if you are furious or hurt or frustrated