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Post by alexandra on Nov 17, 2019 3:42:48 GMT
I had it wrong..... I’ve just reread the rules, and it is in fact 2 years unless significant contributions have been made, and there is no lower limit in that case. Either party then has another two years to make a claim. Phew, more reasonable! |
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Post by dhali on Nov 17, 2019 7:09:59 GMT
The victim language isn’t hard to find on each page of this thread. I have not called any single individual out and there are multiple people it could refer to, so if you can’t find it, I’m not sure what the problem is. Others have. And it’s not subtle.
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Post by serenity on Nov 17, 2019 7:34:15 GMT
They do, but prenups don’t hold up well in court here. But we aren’t talking nuptials. You can still sign a Financial Arrangement. It looks like they are specifically provided for by law. I can’t imagine agreed to terms by both parties, as long as drafted correctly, would not be upheld. Yes good point! We can make legally binding financial arrangements for cohabitation when there are property/financial imbalances too. They have become a lot more formal and legally recognized where I live in recent years . I had an agreement with my long term ex like this to protect from creditors in case of his business bankrupting (its standard practice). If my partner's business fell on bad times, it meant the creditors couldn't pool our joint assetts because of a defacto relationship, and take my share of things. I kept the most valuable assetts in my name originally, and then we moved those assetts to a discretionary trust, that divided assetts in any way we saw fit. If he'd owned a house before we met (like in mrobs case), the trust would have owned it . If we split, I could only be entitled to whatever was stated in the trust deed. Theres no wiggle room for being screwed by a gold digger (or creditors) in that situation. So you really are safe financially if you do a teensy bit of planning. |
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Post by serenity on Nov 17, 2019 7:39:45 GMT
Hey serenity ! It’s the same here for most people, especially in bigger cities where things are expensive - people have to live with others of some sort usually. I lived with my ex, and at times I felt a little smothered... but I’ve always thought that was because I wasn’t really in love with him / he just wasn’t the person I should’ve been with... I knew it deep down but fought it for several years to try to make things work. But I did like a lot of aspects of living with someone too. Just to clarify, in the beginning, I saw my FA multiple times a month. The once a month thing was after several good months of more consistent dates, etc. Guessing when he started to deactivate and then when depression got way worse by what he said. My friends were just saying even after a month that we should’ve been seeing each other 2x a week... which sometimes we did, but it wasn’t the norm. I didn’t necessarily always need that, but I had noticed with guys in the past they were always pushing plans more frequently than my FA. Somewhere in between is a good mix for me... I was good with how things were in the beginning. I think it’s more so the having a time I knew I would see him always helped me in various ways... even if it was a week or so out, that was cool - I always looked fwd to it. I see.. and i agree that taking things a bit slower when you're first getting to know someone is a great idea! There wasn't any way for you know he would deactivate after the honeymoon, it blindsides all of us  |
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Post by nyc718 on Nov 17, 2019 13:12:11 GMT
The victim language isn’t hard to find on each page of this thread. I have not called any single individual out and there are multiple people it could refer to, so if you can’t find it, I’m not sure what the problem is. Others have. And it’s not subtle. Again with the hostility and underlying misplaced rage. This is a SUPPORT group for people about people in our lives who have a certain type of attachment style that we are also trying to support and figure out. If you don't like it, you should really leave this forum, because this is what it's going to be about. I know who I am dealing with and that he has certain limitations, but that doesn't make me a victim. In fact, me being here trying to figure out how to support him, if I can, and to learn about myself and the changes I might be able to make makes me a strong person. I know I don't control people or the world, but I can do what I can do to figure out the situation I am in. This place, minus you and at least one other, has been hugely helpful to me. Also, just so you know since you are such a black and white thinker as I have pointed out to you already, it's possible to care about and love someone while still being frustrated with them, or angry about some of their behaviors. It's called human nuance, something that seems to be lost on you. I am going to respectfully ask that if you have nothing but vague criticism to offer because of your own frustrations, don't reply to any of my posts or threads. You don't seem to care for me, and the feeling is absolutely mutual. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2019 13:22:11 GMT
This forum is not a support group for people with people in their lives whom they are trying to figure out. It's a discussion forum, all discussion is permissible, as long as it is within the guidelines that are acceptable to the forum creator and admin. Some people discuss their own attachment style, some discuss the attachment styles of others. But thread creators do not have the privilege of censoring input or re-creating this forum as what they would like it to be for them. It's a public discussion on the internet. If you don't like the input you're certainly welcome to complain. However, participation here is strictly voluntary and you're a little big for your britches to suggest someone leave the forum if they don't contribute what you want to hear. This forum is for the use of anyone who would like to participate.
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 17, 2019 13:28:55 GMT
The victim language isn’t hard to find on each page of this thread. I have not called any single individual out and there are multiple people it could refer to, so if you can’t find it, I’m not sure what the problem is. Others have. And it’s not subtle. So I am curious....not for you to call anyone out...but can I ask about myself in particular? I don’t want to take over nyc’s thread...but I tend to self blame, so I would be curious if that comes across as a victim to you. just for full disclosure...the thought of being thought of as having a “victim mentality“ made me start to cry and I felt my throat get tight...so I am going to discuss that with my therapist...because having that type of reaction to an internet “stranger” is greater then what would be an appropriate response...so there is definitely something behind this....still the question is worth asking. |
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Post by nyc718 on Nov 17, 2019 13:50:20 GMT
This forum is not a support group for people with people in their lives whom they are trying to figure out. It's a discussion forum, all discussion is permissible, as long as it is within the guidelines that are acceptable to the forum creator and admin. Some people discuss their own attachment style, some discuss the attachment styles of others. But thread creators do not have the privilege of censoring input or re-creating this forum as what they would like it to be for them. It's a public discussion on the internet. If you don't like the input you're certainly welcome to complain. However, participation here is strictly voluntary and you're a little big for your britches to suggest someone leave the forum if they don't contribute what you want to hear. This forum is for the use of anyone who would like to participate. You are the other one , @inmourning or aka sherry who has misplaced anger and frustration that you misplace onto others. You yourself told me that I should take my post elsewhere for what I wanted when I first came on this board when I first misdiagnosed my FA as a DA. I have seen you attack others and be called out on it as well by others. And if you read properly, I said IF he didn't like it, I didn't say he has to leave. My posts seem to trigger him, and to that I say, skip my posts, although I did ask him to not reply to my posts or threads because nothing he says has actually been supportive or helpful, and neither have you for the most part. I also ask you to not reply to my posts or threads and I will also not reply to you. You have had it out for me since day one with the same pattern that I've seen you have with others. Feel free to ignore my posts, and I will do the same. OR you can stay and keep giving your unwanted advice. Up to you. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2019 13:53:56 GMT
This forum is not a support group for people with people in their lives whom they are trying to figure out. It's a discussion forum, all discussion is permissible, as long as it is within the guidelines that are acceptable to the forum creator and admin. Some people discuss their own attachment style, some discuss the attachment styles of others. But thread creators do not have the privilege of censoring input or re-creating this forum as what they would like it to be for them. It's a public discussion on the internet. If you don't like the input you're certainly welcome to complain. However, participation here is strictly voluntary and you're a little big for your britches to suggest someone leave the forum if they don't contribute what you want to hear. This forum is for the use of anyone who would like to participate. You are the other one , @inmourning or aka sherry who has misplaced anger and frustration that you misplace onto others. You yourself told me that I should take my post elsewhere for what I wanted when I first came on this board when I first misdiagnosed my FA as a DA. I have seen you attack others and be called out on it as well by others. And if you read properly, I said IF he didn't like it, I didn't say he has to leave. My posts seem to trigger him, and to that I say, skip my posts, although I did ask him to not reply to my posts or threads because nothing he says has actually been supportive or helpful, and neither have you for the most part. I also ask you to not reply to my posts or threads and I will also not reply to you. You have had it out for me since day one with the same pattern that I've seen you have with others. Feel free to ignore my posts, and I will do the same. OR you can stay and keep giving your unwanted advice. Up to you. I'm afraid you're woefully misinformed about your first complaint here. You posted a request for information about DA in the forum that is designated for DA working on their own issues. It was inappropriate placement, and the admin and creator of the forum moved your post accordingly, because he created that section for self-help. Do you not recall? |
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Post by nyc718 on Nov 17, 2019 13:56:18 GMT
You are the other one , @inmourning or aka sherry who has misplaced anger and frustration that you misplace onto others. You yourself told me that I should take my post elsewhere for what I wanted when I first came on this board when I first misdiagnosed my FA as a DA. I have seen you attack others and be called out on it as well by others. And if you read properly, I said IF he didn't like it, I didn't say he has to leave. My posts seem to trigger him, and to that I say, skip my posts, although I did ask him to not reply to my posts or threads because nothing he says has actually been supportive or helpful, and neither have you for the most part. I also ask you to not reply to my posts or threads and I will also not reply to you. You have had it out for me since day one with the same pattern that I've seen you have with others. Feel free to ignore my posts, and I will do the same. OR you can stay and keep giving your unwanted advice. Up to you. I'm afraid you're woefully misinformed about your first complaint here. You posted a request for information about DA in the forum that is designated for DA working on their own issues. It was inappropriate placement, and the admin and creator of the forum moved your post accordingly, because he created that section for self-help. Do you not recall? You are correct, and I stand corrected on that. On the rest I still stand, please ignore any further posts or replies by me. You get way too triggered and then you start spewing things that have nothing to do with you, yet you act as if they are personal against you. Do we have a deal? |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2019 13:59:17 GMT
I'm afraid you're woefully misinformed about your first complaint here. You posted a request for information about DA in the forum that is designated for DA working on their own issues. It was inappropriate placement, and the admin and creator of the forum moved your post accordingly, because he created that section for self-help. Do you not recall? You are correct, and I stand corrected on that. On the rest I still stand, please ignore any further posts or replies by me. You get way too triggered and then you start spewing things that have nothing to do with you, yet you act as if they are personal against you. Do we have a deal? No, I'm not making deals and agreements with you regarding my participation here, but you can feel free to use the block function which will hide my posts from you. |
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Post by nyc718 on Nov 17, 2019 14:00:44 GMT
You are correct, and I stand corrected on that. On the rest I still stand, please ignore any further posts or replies by me. You get way too triggered and then you start spewing things that have nothing to do with you, yet you act as if they are personal against you. Do we have a deal? No, I'm not making deals and agreements with you regarding my participation here, but you can feel free to use the block function which will hide my posts from you. Thank you!! I will!! |
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Post by nyc718 on Nov 17, 2019 14:03:24 GMT
You are correct, and I stand corrected on that. On the rest I still stand, please ignore any further posts or replies by me. You get way too triggered and then you start spewing things that have nothing to do with you, yet you act as if they are personal against you. Do we have a deal? No, I'm not making deals and agreements with you regarding my participation here, but you can feel free to use the block function which will hide my posts from you. and if you change your name yet again, please give a head's up so I can block that too, thanks! |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2019 14:06:13 GMT
This forum is not a support group for people with people in their lives whom they are trying to figure out. It's a discussion forum, all discussion is permissible, as long as it is within the guidelines that are acceptable to the forum creator and admin. Some people discuss their own attachment style, some discuss the attachment styles of others. But thread creators do not have the privilege of censoring input or re-creating this forum as what they would like it to be for them. It's a public discussion on the internet. If you don't like the input you're certainly welcome to complain. However, participation here is strictly voluntary and you're a little big for your britches to suggest someone leave the forum if they don't contribute what you want to hear. This forum is for the use of anyone who would like to participate. You are the other one , @inmourning or aka sherry who has misplaced anger and frustration that you misplace onto others. You yourself told me that I should take my post elsewhere for what I wanted when I first came on this board when I first misdiagnosed my FA as a DA. I have seen you attack others and be called out on it as well by others. And if you read properly, I said IF he didn't like it, I didn't say he has to leave. My posts seem to trigger him, and to that I say, skip my posts, although I did ask him to not reply to my posts or threads because nothing he says has actually been supportive or helpful, and neither have you for the most part. I also ask you to not reply to my posts or threads and I will also not reply to you. You have had it out for me since day one with the same pattern that I've seen you have with others. Feel free to ignore my posts, and I will do the same. OR you can stay and keep giving your unwanted advice. Up to you. You are a fine one to talk. You appear to get very triggered when people make comments that you don't like to hear. It's a forum. It's give and take. Deal with it and move on. If you don't like someone's comments. Then put them on the ignore button. Instead of trying to get the upper hand and trying to control them. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2019 14:09:20 GMT
No, I'm not making deals and agreements with you regarding my participation here, but you can feel free to use the block function which will hide my posts from you. and if you change your name yet again, please give a head's up so I can block that too, thanks! When I returned to this forum under this moniker I wrote that clearly in the first line of my post. That's all the heads up you need. |
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