Just a vent

Getting good at fearless direct communication is the opposite of walking on eggshells. Walking on eggshells is when you are afraid to communicate directly with someone. It's being afraid that if you tell them your feelings and needs or ask them about their own feelings and needs, that they will get mad or scared or withdraw or leave you. It's trying to anticipate their reaction and avoiding saying anything that you worry might not get your desired reaction.

Maybe you were confused by the part that I put in brackets? Having compassion, gentleness and a sense of timing is a part of good communication, it is not equivalent to walking on eggshells. You should practice those things in your communication with everyone, it's not specific to avoidants. As far as timing I don't mean waiting for the perfect time, but just to consider the mental state of your audience and whether it's a bad time. A little patience can yield a much more effective result.

I suppose one could argue that the true "opposite" of walking on eggshells is just saying whatever you think all the time with zero regard to how the other person might take it or whether they are receptive and without trying to learn better communication skills, but that helps neither party and is not a worthy goal.

If you aren't in touch with your own needs and feelings and able to express them in a way that doesn't come out sounding angry, stifled, inauthentic or critical, if you can't demonstrate that you respect your partner's needs, how can you expect your partner to do the same? (and I mean the general "you" here)

You could take some of the energy that you spend on managing and analyzing him and turn it towards learning how to be direct and authentic. There are plenty of videos and articles on communication. Best of luck! EDIT: I just read that you said you broke up with him? I hope you're ok. I think my advice still stands, as it will be useful for all relationships. 


You cannot control how someone feels and it is never helpful to tell anyone what they feel or how to feel. How exactly do you know what he feels, did he tell you? If anything you need to be validating his feelings, not telling him he shouldn't have them. You can validate someone's feelings without agreeing with the stories that they might have created to explain them. If you want him to feel safe, you can't invalidate his emotions. Emotional invalidation is when a person's thoughts and feelings are rejected, ignored, or judged. It's upsetting for anyone, and can be particularly hurtful for someone who is emotionally sensitive, like an FA. 

NYC,
I just read you broke up with him. I am sorry you are hurting but I am glad you are at peace with your decision!

Everyone should tall about what bothers them. Talk it to death. It gets some off your shoulders and true friends will be happy to carry a tiny bit of that for you while helping you to work through it.

Internalizing, dissociation are not healthy. Glad you are not doing that.

My therapist once explained to me that dissociation is like stuffing socks into a sock drawer...eventually you'll go to put one last sock in there and the whole dang drawer bursts onto the floor. Then you are left with a ton of unmatched, unsorted, not dealt with socks. Totally overwhelming. Seemingly insurmountable.
It's best to just deal with the socks initially and put them away appropriately.

Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it!

Thank you, it is the best decision. And I am proud that I handled it the best way I could have for myself, not what anyone else thought I should do according to their perspectives. I try to respect others in their own process, even if it seems like a pattern that will go a certain way. Everyone has to go on their own journey, not someone else's. Thank you again.