Why do avoidants come back?

I know how you're feeling....but...

1.  Him ignoring you is a lot more respectful than him chasing after you to fill his needs like before.  In fact if he leaves you alone this is a sing he does care and has a shred of decency.

2.  No, you have done NOTHING wrong.  you felt he loved you because he acted like he did.  He spent all his time with you, he romanced you, he did it all.  You're not at fault for being loving and accepting and trying to see the best in someone.

3.  Don't beat yourself up for getting sucked into this - I did too - so did most people here.  None of us are dumb.  We just fell in love and got confusing signals.

4.  You WILL get over this, but it starts with stopping making excuses for him.  May e he is afraid to love.  Maybe most people are actually.  He's not a little kid though.  Let HIM be responsible for that.  YOU are responsible for YOU.  And you're GREAT at loving -we have all seen this.

This person's affirmation is not the answer for you.  the answer is finding it in yourself, loving yourself enough to say "hey, I am pretty great actually, what this guy does is not the whole point of my life here".  It doesn't mean growing cold or not being the loving, empathetic Kristy that you are - don't change - but just appreciate yourself more, and appreciate him less.  

He's not as important as you are (to you).

you can do this. we can help. is that a commercial?! 😘

I apologize if I’m replying to something outdated, this just happens to be the first thread I stumbled on maybe accidentally and I read through your posts and really connected with them haha not completely sure what I’m doing yet. I was hoping to check on some of you and hopefully leave with some knowledge or even support..

First I’m AP pretty young too, and I’m struggling pretty hard over an avoidant that I think has traits of both Dismissive and Fearful but ultimately I think more dismissive. We had a long distance thing going online haha probably not good looking back on everything because we lacked real commitment very much so. I miss him with such intensity, regardless I’m doing everything I can to not break NC (3 months currently, but longer before that) again for both our sake. I would definitely take him back if he broke NC with the intention of fixing this together I’d even accept only being friends but I feel it’s important for that to be upto him and not me right now. My friends wonder why I would want him back in the first place after everything I’ve just never felt love for someone like this. There were lots of good and bad moments both. I don’t know where I stand in his heart anymore though and I was hoping someone, anyone could shed some light. He was aware of his deactivations a thing that may have contributed to ruin of some of his relationships which he labeled a shield, but also focused on my clinginess in any form it took in a way that made him give in to it. understandably so for both of us we both walked on egg shells. He told me stories of permanent distancing from romantic interests after innocent physical contact such as hand grabbing. So I do not know if I’m giving into fantasy too much, maybe I still do need a wake up call after all my growth, I do not know is there hope for us? Can he realize he still cares for me after time away and come back, or will he give in and move on? The amount of times we’ve both gone back to each other just confuses me. I know he cared and I know he struggled. To the outside it may look like he didn’t care much at all. I don’t think he has emotional awareness for himself or others plus strong emotions seem to be something he doesn’t like, I don’t even think he has a healthy established identity. Id tell our full story for more advice, but I’m not sure if I’m in the right place and it’s quite long, I’m rambling already. I want to make sure someone’s listening first or they want to hear it. Sorry for rambling on!!I really hope someone will talk to me, it’s been hard going through this alone all this time.